Relationship Choices

[Dimmers]

I am not sure if anyone has read any of my posts but in a nutshell I was seeing a girl for 3 months but mentally broke down a couple of weeks ago. She said I was the first guy she let into her heart as very early on we were talking about marriage and children and it just seemed right. You see she was abused 8 years ago but an ex and was basically kept prisoner for months and never dealt with it including pasts of her memory missing from that era and after. She just kept pushing through life.

Anyway I stand at the end of a road where she wanted me to stick around as a friend for now and emphasised NOW NOT FOR LATER while she got better and wanted to see me but could not handle me being around. She said it was hard for her because she knows she cant be with me now and basically see her once a week (she sees other friends to distract herself but she said there is no emotion with them like me as even the other night I went to her place and you could see the happiness in her eyes when she saw me.

Anyway we properly broke up last night saying she was too damaged and im better off without her. I then saw her online later and said “Look your starting therapy in a week including hypno, if you don’t want me to contact you again just say so or I can contact you in a month just let me know”. She then said to contact her in a month but she needs her space and that’s where it ended.

I am asking you guys because you would understand people with PTSD. Again she is starting treatment this week with her phycologist and in 2 weeks a hypnotherapist. Is it worth contacting her in a month, I do love her still and she still loves me and I want to be with her but a part of me is afraid to reopen that door and get shut down again.

I just read some forum posts and as much as I want her to get better I realise that our life will have ups and downs on a dramatic scale. I just feel like a idiot if i said do not contact me after she said she needs her space and said it would be ok to contact her in a month. I am a man of my word but I feel im letting myself dangle and that it would go either way (now that I am reading it may go in a direction I would not like but each situation is different). I know you cant give me a solution but I would appreciate some advice

 

[BigBear]

You've got a month. Study here. Learn what you have to be prepared for and determine if you can handle it. If you can't it would be better to tell her then! If you can, then stay the course. What she is doing is quite normal for PTSD. Additionally, she likely believes she is doing it so as not to hurt you.

Bear

 

[Dimmers]

Hey bear, thanks for that. Yesterday morning I sent get this message "Dear XXX, I know I said I would leave you alone for a month but the simple truth is (and I realise this now after sleeping on it) that you need to heal and I understand that. I won’t contact you in a month because you may be ready to meet me again or not. I want you to know that I do love you and I do want to be with you and in my life but you need to start the healing process first. I want you to know that you can contact me (and I want you to) any time. I will remove/block you from FB and MSN so we can both heal (if you want to contact me email or phone/text). As I said a lot can happen in a month. Take care and again all you have to do is knock on my door."

I know I feel like I cut her out early but she told me it was because of her feelings for me and that I had traits like the abuser that caused her to flip out. She said I was warm, loving caring amongst other things but the difference was that he had an abusive side and I don't.

It's hard to be with someone who loves you but pushes you away because you are being you. Plus there is her best friend a male friend whom she had relations with in the past. She is happy to talk and hang around him because she said she is not into him but he is nothing like that abusive ex and nothibg is triggered. I don't know what to do there as it's weird she runs to him and swears nothing is going on but I do believe he is a heavy drinker with his own personal issues but rather hang out with him.

Part of me is afraid to speak to her again and get burned like that. Part of me was sad to send that message but I did say she could contact me but I don't think she ever will. I don't know if I should contact her in a month as I said I won't. I'm so conflicted

 

[Trembling]

Dear Dimmers,

It is hard, and as bear said, try to learn as much as you can about it. Even if you feel like you can do it, and it is not as bad as many of us describe it here, reality is = it is worse. Certain things cannot be put in words, and I am sure many of us even do not put down every single event they have to go through.

I do not want to tell you don't do it, I only would like to show you the open mind to what could be coming in future.

All the best for your decision, and never forget about yourself.

 

[Dimmers]

I feel I did something stupid as last night (against everyone's who cars about me advice) I called her to see how she was. She was out with some friends and I said look I still care about you and asked to meet over the weekend. She said she had been thinking about me and wanted to call me but didnt want to hurt me. She said that she would speak to me tonight about maybe meeting on the weekend (my idea). I last contact her last week (online) to say good luck with therapy (To which she advised she dint go due to financial constraints). She asked for a months space a couple of weeks ago. I last contact her last week (online) to say good luck with therapy (To which she advised she dint go due to financial constraints). She asked for a months space a couple of weeks ago.

Technically we have been broken up for a couple of weeks now. She told me last week that she will not tell me to go or stay as thats my decision as I believe she does have feelings for me but doesn't want to hurt me along the way. I know you cant tell me what to do but when I see this girl my heart melts and I am afraid if I see her I am just hurting myself again.

I suppose I am just looking for what to say if I speak to her tonight