Christmas V PTSD

[GR-ass]

giggles and sniggers

Hell, give me a sniff and I'm rolling

I'm a spirits girl though. When I'm in a good mood I'll polish off a litre botle of rum in under three hours.

Not that I remember much when I do.

 

[nugget]

Anthony, Cass may be you two could do a version of KIDS aka Robbie, kylie

 

[anthony]

Anthony, Cass may be you two could do a version of KIDS aka Robbie, kylie

Now that would be piss funny... I think I'd wet myself during it. I remember once I did a version of "you can't stop the music" (village people) and another one of their songs at a resort island I was on once. Basically, the resort staff came round looking for guests to help do the show, get in on the show and entertain ourselves and others... got free piss for it, so I said yes. Went away for a couple of hours and learnt the moves, the song, and got up did it that night... trying to remember the damn island... Oh, South Molle Island, in the Whitsunday's. My ex-wife actually has the video of it as she recorded it, so I can't share that one with you, because I doubt she will hand it over to me... she is still pissed that I walked out on her I suspect.

 

[Deleted member 93]

As much as I am hating it... At least those vids pulled a smile. I would KILL for that energy right now. Kids and hubs are supposed to go to church with the inlaws for a re-enactment of the nativity. They want me to go... I blurped out the last time I went to church my doc had to dope me to the hilt to calm back down so I doubt I will go. Not sure they took it well but I said hubs and kids could go real fast. MIL does not know I know, as she did not tell me... But she already planned on taking kids to it, she had bought little one an outfit to attend so I guess the asking me was a fomality as she asked me if the kids could go LOL.

I came in and saw they had dug out stockings and hung them. Normally I don't have issues with them, but I just want to pull them down and put them up. I am too tired to even think X-mas. I will be happy to remove the one decoration up.

I would rather go do for someone but I hurt all over, and still so confused from the trip I could not find my way out of a paper sack muchless somewhere to do good. My brain and body feel so depleted, I am not sure I can even go to his parents on Xmas.

Anthony, send some of those vibes this way! I could use some of that boogie woogie energy.

 

[anthony]

As much as I am hating it... At least those vids pulled a smile.

Mission accomplished all round then for all that watch them.

They want me to go... I blurped out the last time I went to church my doc had to dope me to the hilt to calm back down so I doubt I will go.

Ok, another boot in the pants. Why are you bringing up your past reactions to situations? Your past is not your future veiled, far from it. The aim is you being able to attend these things without issue, and how will you ever know that or expose yourself to them if you are living in the past constantly?

 

[Deleted member 93]

I did not think just spoke... Which is even new for me. Normally I would sit there and think what is the "right response?" Instead I am trying to learn to just respond with me. And hell the drive, unpacking, and zero rest... At least I did not say something vulgar LOL. I just said what popped in my head as they did say it would be very crowded. Hubs wants me to work on the anxiety of being around his parents, remember last time I saw them I almost killed him in front of them... I have only met them a couple times so I really need to get used to them. I do not know them. They are learning PTSD.

Do I HAVE to have a kick in the ass right now???? Yes, BIG fat whiney thing working.

And I am going to give myself credit for one thing. I was at that point of the day at only .25 mg xanax. I took my second .25 later... Took a 1mg before bed. I went to sleep to have hubs come wake me up later ugh why... But at 4 am now I am up and had a couple beers and feel OK. Still hurt but think it is more the silence, kicking back admiring my living room, and enjoying a drink. I feel a lot better and zero drive to the dope. Even the stockings are not driving me batty.

But I don't think I will push myself to be at a big to do yet. Will work on getting outside first and recover from the trip, but no shutting down, promise. I have only been out of the new house getting here and peeking out windows.

BTW I hate having neighbors... Go strip for bed and hubs has blinds open, not an issue at my old house but I just gave a big howdy and merry xxx - mas here tonight!!! LOL just my luck! Embarrassing!

 

[anthony]

LOL... blurting out is good, because it means I get to see what is on your mind, and I don't want to see "the right response" actually, because that doesn't tell me that you are managing well, it pulls a mask over fooling me that your managing. Mental imagery is going to screw you... let me just say that, because you cannot lie to it. No more hiding my little pumpkin...

I do congratulate you veiled for you efforts though, and what you have done. Just remember, learn from them. I still learn from things I expose myself too, reinforcing that the world, society, people are not bad, only a small percentage of them are bad. At some time I will run into them, but I will deal with that when and if it occurs, not worry about it constantly stopping me living. You see the difference... learn from exposure. Its not a one time thing... its ongoing work with PTSD.

 

[GR-ass]

Growls

Got convinced to go to church for midnight mass. Wasn't worth the argument not to go.

It didn't go down well. I think I spent most the service thinking Up yours God. I may believe in you but I sure as hell aren't going to worship you.

It felt like I was so damned hypocritical. They preach about forgiveness and all I wanted to do was scream and tell em how big a load of Shite it was.

 

[nugget]

Hey people i hate to admit it but xmas was just to much for me i thought i was going along ok then just burnt out. Three days later and im just starting to come good had a panic attack that i couldnt shake i tried so hard not to get worked up but in the end it got the better of me. One good thing to come out of it was that some of my family was around to see me crash and burn, now they have seen it i think they believe it hooray hope you all had a great day.

PS: Cass it made me laugh to imagen you sitting in church listening then mumberling under you breath as the big fella up the front said his thing.