Sean Michael
New Here
My name is Sean Michael. A former U.S. Air Force member (12 yrs) and former U.S. Army Officer (4 years) trained with advanced skills. Served in Korea, Iraq, Desert Storm, Bosnia/Kosovo, NATO. I was also a U.S. civilian Peace Officer and SWAT operator (marksman/observer) for 6 years. I was an Adjunct Professor for two colleges and law enforcement Instructor for thrIee years. I've been in five combative situations where the (use of force involving weapons and hand-to-hand combatives) had to be used during life or death circumstances (it was either me or them) and retreat was no longer an option. However, it's not those situations that keep haunting me while combating my life events and PTSD. It's my direct involvement of being first on scene to aircraft crashes or me witnessing horrific scenarios. Killing others for the preservation of me or my soldiers/airmen has never been an issue. It's not saving some of those that I knew and was with that died. I've masked my PTSD since the 90's and it wasn't until early 2008 that I came across another life or death scenario. That apparently pushed me over the edge. I have experienced over the past four years so many different psychological issues that I came to point I believed I was going crazy! I was ostracized by so many; military, law enforcement buddies, family, wives, girlfriends or the very few friends that I realized I was on my own and alone. I was diagnosed a couple of years after my department and military threw me away like garbage. I was homeless a few times and lost. so much In late 2009, the Veterans Affairs diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder created by severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I like to keep the word "Disorder" out of my vocabulary. I still have a difficult time believing I have PTSD. My EGO led me to believe I was too strong for that to happen. Now I'm considered 100% disabled by the VA. I've been arrested six times between 2008 and 2011. Due to my background and arrests, NCIC lists me as armed and dangerous when I'm contacted by Law Enforcement. That bothers me so very much as I'm not stopped or contacted under reasonable limits. Overeall, I've become paranoid, hypervigilant, at times delusional, high anxiety, blackouts, can't sleep well, apathetic, and act like a person who is untreated for Bi Polar Disorder. I am on here to learn. I am wanting answers/statements when I have questions. I hate being distant to others, but it seems this site may give me the comfort I am seeking...
