Claire's Mental Imagery

[becvan]

Claire, dont' beat yourself up over it!

You will get it.. it just takes some time. How will you know if it's sub-conscious? Well I know how I can tell. When I finally got it, I realized that those thoughts and my feelings had been there the whole time but they were in the background of my mind. It will be one of those "ah hah" moments where your realized your already knew that but weren't recognizing it. Just keep mulling it over, it will come to you.

I dug out the examples out of my diary (hope you don't mind.) They are on pages 8 and 9, if you find this helps some and reading it will perhaps help things make sense in your mind.

I was again thinking about this sex preoccupation thing.. That bugs me. How can I be preoccupied with sex when I don't want sex? I don't want anyone near me.. I'm not a god damn nmyph ya know.. anyways, it is on my mind.. I slept with a monster.. I SLEPT WITH A MONSTER and I didn't even know it.. I supported and loved that monster.. I can't erase it and sadly can't make my heart stop loving him either.. it's like a poison in my system.. and I can't get it out.. I feel like I betrayed myself. I know what it's like to be raped and raped more than once. I know what it's like to be forced to have sex.. and yet.. I slept with someone who did this.. the guilt is eating at me.. the memories are enough to crush anyone.. I don't trust myself anymore.. I dont' trust anyone anymore.. I feel like the good part of me was soiled.. the one part that was still shiny and clean and innocent has been rotted out of me.. hell I'm in tears typing this.. It hurts and I did it too myself.. I betrayed myself and every woman that has every been raped, every child that has been molested. for his f'king lies.. I am no better than him maybe even worse. How could I not be preoccupied with this? I wish I could erase it all....

Do you now get the actual meaning to it bec? Being that "sexual preoccupation" is not about wanting sex, its about your sub-conscious having something sexual on top off it, inflaming your mind maybe??? Just like you then went on to say after the quote above left off!!!

bec

 

[Claire]

Thanks Bec, no I dont mind. I'm going to try not to think about it so much because even after reading your thread I still cant really understand what its referring to.

 

[anthony]

A thought can only consciously be from your conscious mind, because it must go from your sub-conscious to your conscious for you to be thinking about it. Provoke one, you provoke the other. That is the point. Provoke the conscious with an interpretation of the sub-conscious, and suddenly they both begin to communicate a little better.

Sexual preoccupation can mean a lot of things Claire, without putting ideas in your head, could mean:

# Haven't had sex for a long time and want it.
# Have been sexually abused, hiding it, thus making it on your mind trying to hide it.
# Have been abused sexually and have not dealt with the feelings or guilt surrounding it.
# The list goes on and on...

Only each person uniquely can interpret what it means to them, and will do in their own time.