Relationship Clarification?! ... Please!

[Brittylee]

Im new to the site so please don't be annoyed with my posts.

I have been reading a lot of the threads on here and have realized I'm at a huge crossroads now with all of this.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. He has always had codependency, depression, anxiety, substance/alcohol abuse and now I find out from a doctor PTSD. He didn't go to war, but he was a street kid for a while and has done some very horrible things in his past. To others and himself, he has also witnessed murder of close friends and death is his best friend. Someone he knows always passes away and he cant deal with any of them. When we met we were both very lost and into some destructive behaviours..makes a lot of sense why we were drawn.

Long story short we have had our ups and downs and are at the point where PTSD has been triggered for him and he has changed into a completely different person. It almost seems like he is torn between who he was and is trying to be.

Recently he really wants nothing to do with our relationship and thinks he is fine, some days. Other days he is balling his eyes out because of pain and guilt he feels and how much he wants me around. I moved some of my stuff out of our house and am staying with my parents, going on the third week. Going on a month and three weeks since we went haywire. He says he wants help some days and says he wants die other days. He has gone to the doctor a couple times but cant seem to trust them enough to want to go back.

My question isn't really should I stay in the relationship or not (we r clearly not together right now) but should I stay in his life in general and keep my name on the bills at our house while he figures out if or how he is going to help himself.

I really just care about his well being and the very shy possibility of an "us" again in the future.

 

[nursenurse]

He's drawing his line. Get your name off the bills, you are not living there, and you will be responsible if way down the road he isn't paying. There will be time enough to be "reinstated" if you get back together. He needs to fix himself at this point, you cannot do anything for him but look after yourself and pray.

 

[Brittylee]

Thanks, thats pretty much the direction I've been headed just not sure how to walk away.

 

[Rosalia]

I had PTSD, but I've had to deal with unstable people who needed help, but were draining me emotionally. I've found that the best way to do it is to remind him that you love him and care very much about him, but that you need to care for yourself as well. There's no need to be harsh or anything, but be firm. You can't let him talk you out of it. Honestly, it'll probably be the best thing for him. Once he realizes that he's pushed away someone who cares for him he will be forced to take care of himself. And if he doesn't, it'll be tragic, but at least he won't drag anyone down with him.

 

[Loloma]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I agree with the comments above. You have to look at it the same as being on an aeroplane and the safety mask drops down in an emergency situation. You put on your own first before you try and help someone else. By being there for him constantly while he is like this, you are not doing him or yourself any favours.

 

[Brittylee]

Thanks those perspectives makes it a lot easier to look at. Things get pretty blurry when i think about it too much.