Coercion, Choice & Clusterf*cks In Between.

[ladee]

I am finally in the head space to read this thread. And did I ever need to read about 'choices' and accountablity. AND, beating myself up over my best worst choice is so futile.

Without going into all of it, If I had 'done things differently', I would have been able to 'control' the recent outcome. And that is simply not true. It is not true.

I needed to be free of this because I did look back and start to change the things I could, about me. That was never accepted by the other person. But it does not negate the fact that I did work hard to change many things.

I feel 'self-forgiveness' on the horizon.

Thank you, Ronin and all who participated here. I really needed to read this and see how to move forward. When the student is ready, the teacher(s) appear!

 

[Ronin]

@ladee, that kinda loss? Too many factors & actors at play... and hardly you.

So even if (big if / not my opinion but life ain't that b/w) you played a role in his decision? Both still *his* decision... and there were others.

Who also aren't to blame. Because not 'making' him act.

At least not in the solid sense of make someone do something I was thinking of as starting this thread.

Manipulation that sticks to emotional/mental and isn't the same pressure f*cks lives up bad too, but it's a different type of clusterf*ck.

Not better/worse. Just different.

 

[Mee]

I have had lots of days since this thread where I totally have got that ‘ my choices didn’t make it happen’.

I don’t think it’s surprising it’s difficult. We see that victim blaming is a ‘normal’ reaction. We know that has ramifications in the justice system as well as in media, society etc - so why would it not impact us too? I think sometimes it’s easy to forget that our cognitive distortions are causing a specific set of issues for us- That doesn’t mean that we didn’t have cognitive distortions without PTSD , that ‘healthy’ people do not have them.

 

[Itsnotyouitsme]

Can relate to every single word.
Although in my experience I have learned that there are people who have heartlessly and consciously ruined another and they walk the world freely with no remorse