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Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

So, a million memories are bothering me again. I'm not sure if I should talk about them or try to avoid them. I can't read my own mood for some reason? But Nestle is just laying on the floor behind me, so she clearly thinks I'm fine today.

I got my car back. Paid $269.01. Yep, one penny!

Then took it to the car wash (is that song stuck in your head now?), and applied the "Service Dog on Board, Do Not Separate from Handler" decal to it. It should be fine for quite a while now!!

And.... cover letters. I'll just go work on those.

That should keep the memories away.

I think the memories are bothering me because it developed too soon. Besides several things that happened when I was already an adult, an older child, or a teenager, I'm remembering being a toddler and an infant and those memories are IMPOSSIBLE to sort. Especially when therapists and doctors can't tell me what's normal because most people don't remember what it's like to be an infant. So they don't know if I was acting stressed or not. Not based on my memories. And the memories are so trippy. I feel like I'm remembering what it's like to be a different species, but in a more intimate way. The only thing they have said is "absolutely normal with certainty" is the language my twin brother and I made up.
 
Oh, by the way, December 18th is Brandi's birthday. Last year was the first year I went through it without talking to her (cuz we had broken up for real by then, yay). It actually wasn't so bad. The year before that, I finally got some of my freedom back when a professor showed concern about me trying to get home in time for her birthday. I had an exam that day and was moving exams around to get home early. He told me that I was being unwise and should take all the time to study.

So I did, because I pretty much always trust a man who knows what he's talking about, lol. Brandi was very pissed. I realized she was powerless to stop me. It was a nice feeling. She complained a lot at me.

Her birthdays used to be kinda fun, but they became problems so slowly I didn't even realize they were problems.

Fungus had to make sure to prepare for her birthday. Luckily he only had to once. She is obsessed with death. She wanted to be comforted 100% of the time. About how she wasn't old yet.
 
I hate living here.

Now have six broken nails. My mom brought home too many groceries, I made room in the freezer that I JUST cleaned out. She had blocked the freezer's fan so it couldn't freeze some things in the back properly. Had to force out a bag of ice. Not sure what it used to be. I guess ice cubes.

Made my mom very angry that I got upset. Kept getting phone calls every ten minutes while I was trying to work which made me grumpy. She's getting mad at my twin brother now.

I can't take it here.
 

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