Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[bellbird]

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[littleoc]

She also said that I will probably be less hyper-vigilant about my boundaries when I move out. Currently I can't even date because I'm way too protectively independent. Texting is about my limit even for friends. Though I did visit Suz. I love Suz. And the Dean. I visited him too. I should visit them again soon.

Probably an overreaction to trying to stay sane. And not end up anywhere near someone like Brandi ever again. I see similarities in everyone at weird times, though they hadn't bothered me much.

 

[littleoc]

She helped me realize that the fact that I was blamed for all the death I witnessed was messed up.

In this case, the animals that died. I was bullied into cooperating and then bullied into taking responsibility.

I wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now and prevent it. Or at least tell myself that it wasn't my fault. It is a time I really, really hate the vividness of memory.

And it was messed up that Brandi took advantage of my situation.

 

[Kubash16]

I agree wholeheartedly with your T. ?

 

[littleoc]

Me, too.

I told my therapist that I think it's ridiculous that I spend my childhood in a cage with one foodbowl and a twin brother with autism and a little brother, but we can (pretty much) self regulate our emotions and at least try to live life, but my mom just goes around in denial not addressing anything.

And not putting two of her kids in therapy because they "didn't need it." Despite one of them being clinically dead like twice at that point.

 

[littleoc]

The three youngest in a cage and the oldest abandoned in the garage.

Very frustrating. I can't wait to move out. I hope I get this job :D

 

[Kubash16]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately actually of how different people respond to their various traumas. I believe it was Freida (I could be wrong) who explained at as fence or wall that we keep adding reinforcements to it, therefore it takes more to make it come crumbling down. If she hasn’t built up that kind of resilience, it’s easier for her to crumble completely.

 

[Kubash16]

I really hope so too. Did you have the interview yet? My memory sucks today.

 

[littleoc]

Maybe. I think going through life in denial is sort of a wall in itself? She's sixty-ish and somehow not addressing anything. It's never too late though.

And yes! I have an interview on the day after the New Year's Day :D :D :D :D

No worries about your memory!

 

[Kubash16]

She’s definitely in denial or something. I dunno, my moms kinda the same way as you know and I think Sietz mom is also in this same boat. So maybe this just comes with the territory? Lol.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

I told my therapist that I lost my temper at my mom last week. She blinked a couple times, then carefully put down her notepad, uncrossed her legs, and clapped.

Then asked me what that looked like because she couldn't picture it.

lol

Your T is hilarious! :laugh:

And wonderful! :)

As are you! :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Maybe. At least my mom is nice. Judgmental but nice. As long as you don't bring up anything that makes her depressed.

I like eating dinner with her at my sister's. I'm hoping when I move we can be close enough that we can keep that up. Can't really cook here. Not much. Also I clean the burners in soap and water all the time now before using.


Thank you, @Sophy! lol

I like my therapist.