Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

You make me smile everyday. Thank you!!

Oh! You’re welcome!! You’re awesome-r!

 

[littleoc]

List of things I took impulsively sort of recently:

• A peace lily plant
• A tree?
• Sour cream
• A striped towel with a cool color scheme
• A blue and green polka dotted towel
• A towel with blue flowers like Dutch ceramics
• A stuffed spider
• A stuffed unicorn
• A gym towel
• A yellow bird comforter I am currently using, along with a matching pillow case
• A blanket that I thought was a rug
• A pillow that features cheetahs and trees in a Byzantine-with-Muslim influence way, reminded me of Sumerian art
• A lamp
• Juice
• Tortillas
• Canned beans
• A dog toy
• A fork
• A book worth $200 filled with scholarly articles on Sumerian and other ancient cultures
• A very expensive pair of pajama pants with my university’s logo on them
• A book worth $100 on the Sumerian world

I think that’s it. Not sure what the connections are. Embarrassing

 

[littleoc]

But fixable

 

[littleoc]

A long, long time ago, when I was two to three years old, I was kept in a cage in the daytime and in a bed at night. The first thing my twin and I did was figure out how the cribs worked so we could escape and then get into each other’s cribs.

Then I figured out how to escape the room, and after a day of boredom the house became all mine as soon as I knew my dad was asleep.

It required high skill because waking up my dad could mean weeks of hurt and getting locked up without toys. (I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before?)

My favorite thing to do was go take stuff. Like my mom’s earings, especially the ones shaped like animals, stuffed toys I found in my dad’s bed (I was daring) (he kept some stuffed toys, strangely usually ones my little brother gave him), bananas (I’d poke holes in them), kazoos, blankets, VHSs, pin cushions, cheese, butter. All that cool stuff

I’d get in trouble but I got better about it eventually. By which I mean I hid the evidence better.

Used what I learned to escape the cage with my twin and give extra snacks to my little bro, who my dad seemed to hate the most, and to get us cool things to play with behind the fence (my dad put a fence in the living/playroom for extra measures). I remember getting tons of VHS tapes and ripping them up before a long time later our dad came in and punished the shit out of us but it was fun at the time

It felt exciting to be able to find something to do and something to own and play with. It was also fun to explore. I still did that in college. I’d break into a building and explore it for fun. Usually internet cable rooms, boiler rooms, and HVAC centers. Only locks I couldn’t seem to get past were the elevator ones. High security is good though

One time I went to Dean B’s office to warn him that the water heater room of a dorm I was staying in was way too easy to break into and I was worried some kid might get hurt or accidentally hurt others (you could easily change the pressure and temperature of the water heaters, and they were room-sized). He thought it was funny and said he didn’t hear that from me

The police department was right next to where I lived and they seemed not to notice anything so that’s cool. I once managed to get my way into the Risk Management office and found a room with a dirt floor full of cave crickets and one tiny mini fridge. I thought that was funny and took loads of pictures

I toured the nuclear power plant and they let me have a uranium pellet when I asked politely. Asking is key

 

[Freida]

So do you think your urge to steal is somehow tied to freedom? You took things once you figured out how to escape - as a reward maybe? So somewhere down there in the bottom of your brain I wonder if you are trying to prove to yourself that you are still free?? Hows that for some random logic?! :laugh:

 

[littleoc]

I wonder if I’ll be able to go to this 9/11 appointment in the city without my service doggo

I’m not sure if would be great for her to walk around a giant hospital though

 

[littleoc]

Hows that for some random logic?! :laugh:

Good enough for me!! Haha

It’s probably something like that! Who knows :p

 

[Freida]

I wonder if I’ll be able to go to this 9/11 appointment in the city without my service doggo

wait -- did I miss something? Why can't she go?

 

[littleoc]

wait -- did I miss something? Why can't she go?

Because of her torn ACL! I have no idea if you missed anything, but I don’t mind if you did :P

She had a surgery and she’s good now! But still healing. She’s got quite a limp and isn’t yet allowed to walk outside for more than twenty minutes — and I feel like I should save those twenty minutes for her personal time because it would suck to work for a bit and then be told she’s not really allowed to destress (in my opinion)

 

[Freida]

Oh that's right! I remember she had surgery and that she was doing better -- I just missed the long recovery period. OOPS.
Is there a human you can take with you in her place? I make hubby be my service dog anytime we have to leave SD home :)

 

[littleoc]

I just missed the long recovery period. OOPS.

That’s totally fine! It wasn’t exactly critical for you to keep in mind!

Actually, my mother has to take me because I still only have a learner’s permit, so I suppose that obligates her to hang out with me. c:< Usually when we go out we do something fun, and I did schedule an eye appointment for her the same morning (gotta keep those diabetic retinas in check!), so this could be fine if I don’t overthink it.

I don’t even get why 9/11 makes me so uncomfortable, to be honest. I remember every detail of the day, but I was physically way down south. Also, despite all the pictures we have of the inside of the building in my dad’s album from when he roamed it when it was new (lots of my family did, lots of families not related at all did, obviously a cool place to visit), I am 95% sure I didn’t know anyone personally who got affected. So I guess I was very sensitive or something, a spoiled person (because my cage was very spoiled, uh huh). Oh well, I just hope the actual affected families are okay

 

[littleoc]

I wish my dad would move back to Texas. We all know he moved back here to be a dick. Apparently the other day he walked right by me in a parking lot, and I didn’t recognize him and he pretended not to see me. (There was a witness or I’d never have known. Unless I saw his hand-rub behavior, or he talked, or he trembled.) Rude. Then, days later, he ran into my mom while with his friend Rob (who is another story I still haven’t mentioned in this diary but it’s a great story, no trauma in it most of the time), and my dad started acting like he wanted to hang out with my mom.

I mean, what a dick. Just give up, dude

Gave my mom bad dreams, which made me doubly angry. She said she had a dream that I gave her car keys to my dad so he could kidnap me, but in the dream he tried to hide who helped him do it. I reminded her that reality-dad would have gladly given up who did it to seem less bad and more important, lol. It’s true