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Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

I am very worried I’ll be a shit parent with control issues but at least I won’t say stupid shit like “I don’t believe in psychology” f*cking idiot. You probably wouldn’t have believed my dad’s effort to trap you in a marriage after you got pregnant if you’d had literally an ounce of therapy. Don’t give me that shit

And thanks, Ditto the cat, for biting through a condom so my twin and I could be conceived on two different weeks

Or, thanks extreme irresponsiblity. What, did you think you scored because you married a rich guy? Was it worth nearly getting killed at least twice? Youngest son getting sexually abused? Probably twin brother too? Oldest kid being put in a garage because he didn’t like her? Nearly dying of hypothermia and spending days in the hospital, being forced by her step dad IN A COURTROOM to lie about how it happened and get her lisence taken away for something my dad and his buddy did? Not even the worst of it!

No, we aren’t going to work on our literally awful behavior. Our tendency to freeze up any time ANY decision had to be made. Our weird ass self centered belief that the entire world is against her, to the point that the mailwonan leaving the mailbox open on accident definitely “only happens to us” and is definitely because She hates us. Because we “don’t believe in therapy.” What the f*ck does that even mean?

She thinks my service dog is a f*cking toy also, idiot
 
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Ugh I’m trying to not act weird now while she talks to me. I just want to tell her that her opinion is so illogical that it literally hurts

Could not be farther from reality

But also don’t want to be a dick about it
 
That made me honestly unreasonably angry

Too bad I can’t just say it, since she takes all criticism as proof that she’s the worst person alive

Too bad she doesn’t have a magic doctor of thoughts to help her unlearn useless behaviors

I care way too much about this

She wasn’t trying to be malicious or anything, it was just a very weird thing to say and it made me mad

I didn’t show it because it would be unreasonable. At this point it doesn’t matter what I think, it’s none of my business
 
Sorry to here about your tree. I wonder what the problem was?

As for your mum, I'm guessing she's feeling scared and defensive about the thought of having all her stuff exposed to a therapist. I don't think she really believes that "they are just curious" I think she's carrying A LOT of shame, and doesn't want to have to face that in therapy.

The reason I say this, my mum and my guy have both had hoarding problems, my guy is heaps better, now, but my mum, she still has a massive shed full of crap. Both of them had trauma at a young age, the kind that fills you with shame and confusion and terror and loneliness.

My mum and my guy are both pretty therapy resistant, luckily, my guy is not pathologically toxic for me to be around, but my mum? Well she never learnt anything about healthy boundaries and has just avoided a lot and is a selfish and sick old lady, just like her mum before her. It's sad, but I decided, if she's not going to get therapy, I'm not prepared to be her pseudo therapist/friend-because-she-can't-maintain-friendships because I've been too disadvantaged and hurt due to her actions.

I think your anger, frustration and disappointment are a perfectly reasonable, healthy and natural response to the situation.
I'm really hoping your mum goes through with it, but if she doesn't, remember, your boundaries, having healthy boundaries that keep you safe, is going to give you the most peace and freedom, in this sitch.

And good boundaries however it goes down. Remember your sphere of influence, you are not responsible for the choices of anyone else, you can lead a horse to water... and all that.

You are doing great! It's Healthy anger! You are putting a boundary in with your mum with this anger and putting conditions around paying for the clean-up! Well done @littleoc! Great demonstation of how much better you are getting at putting in healthy boundaries!
I'm proud of you! :hug:

I know it's painful, though, and your mum's not really very well at all, and it affects all of you, her children. I totally get it. My sibs and I are in a very similar boat.
But we have each other here! :) So yay us!
 
True True True

I just wish she’d try to get better more. She’d be happier, feel less guilt, and her kids would have been better off

Luckily we are all adults now. So I don’t need to worry about them. Or, at least I should try less to

Thanks @mumstheword :)

And no idea what happened to my tree! I will try to revive it, but if it dies I will check the roots. There are a lot of fungi in this state, so I’m guessing that’s the cause! It’s perfect fungus weather this month so hopefully the tree can fight back if that’s it!
 
Funny thing:

I saw Nestle poo on the road instead of in the grass. I gave her a look and said, “Nestle,” like in an annoyed way. Fake annoyed (mostly)

She stared at me sadly for a second and the nudged the poo bags. Like she was saying “but you were going to pick it up anyway :(”

No idea if that’s what she was really thinking but it was funny anyway
 
Thank you, @Sietz :)

Definitely had a better night! My mom took me out to have fish (it was goooooood) and we joked around with police officers who were sitting at the community table :D

They also got fish :o
 
AND she told me a hilarious story

So my mom was walking with my sister when she was four or five (before I was born) and then my mom suddenly saw a teenager driving at them way over the speed limit D: (it gets funny!) so my mom pushed her as hard as she could into the nearby ditch. Then she’s jumped in and protected her. The car destroyed the grass where they’d been walking and then sped off D:

My mom asked my sister if she saw the fast car, sort of to make it less terrifying, and my sister said with a really thoughtful-serious expression, “I was wondering why you were being mean to me”

Lolololol “How was your day?” “My mom was mean to me!!!” “My mom pushed me into a ditch!!!” ? kid logic
 

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