Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Freida]

huh. she doesn't look anything like the geiko gecko. :laugh:

 

[frogthroat]

What did you name her? If you haven't yet I humbly suggest...Miss Toni Braxton the gecko.

 

[zombycat]

Oh hey! Another person who can't walk into a pet store without taking home the most sickly/traumatized/in-need-of-love animal there! -highfive- They make the absolute best pets. As for a name. If you haven't picked one yet, I suggest picking a name that you associate with something that makes you smile, like My-Own-Effin'-Place the Gecko! Okay, maybe not that per se, but you get the idea. ;D

 

[frogthroat]

I'm sorry it wasn't Toni Braxton it was Aaliyah. I feel like the chorus totally pertains to your life right now. You need the uplift. Things will get better for you.

 

[MrMoonlight]

Thinking about you @littleoc , :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Ah! Sorry for being offline... again... and not catching up well at all! (Now I have 800 notifications. Maybe I should just go to my settings and turn those off! :P) I'm still, uh, stressed with things. But I'm okay! I swear.

Found more applications to do. Thinking about finding someone at the synagogue to help me out because here kind of sucks. It's messing with my head and I'm having weird thoughts that don't fit me well. Thinking maybe someone would let me stay the night with them between the Friday night service and the Saturday morning service. No idea how to ask for that though. I might not because it would be hard to explain. These people are extremely well-to-do. But I did make friends with a bunch of older Ladies in Their Eighties (it's what they called themselves, they said it's their band name) who might be down to hang out some time at least. One of them does Torah study at her house sometimes because she's got this four story house with a nice guest area. I don't want to start asking people for things though. But it's great to think about. Thinking and imagination can make people super sane. :)

My professor also wants me to write a romance by tomorrow night and I really don't know what to do. I don't feel like a real person. I might just write something about gay penguins just to annoy the people who have to peer-read it. Because everyone's done it. Maybe gay raccoons then. Gay Jewish raccoons. Better make them not white just to be sure. (Black and grey is fine I hope.) (Sorry if that was inappropriate, I was raised by animals for several years.) (That was also a joke.) (I'm really tired.)

That feeling of being unworthy is also back because I've been ignored in my real life all week. It's a distortion, I keep saying, but now I'm wondering if I'm being too confident when I say that. And all these dreams about Brandi are making it much worse. They're not regular nightmares, they're me making sure Brandi is okay when something goes wrong in her life and then she completely ignores me when I help fix them and says she's done so much for me. Confusing dreams which I've been having since I was a teenager. At least the dreams where Brandi dies have stopped.

Anyway. Stressed but perfectly okay. Don't worry about me! :)

Here's two nice things:
1. It's snowing and I don't have to go anywhere :)

2. I've redone my sleeping schedule because I've started not sleeping until 5am and then staying in bed well past a reasonable hour. The problem seems to be that I'm using my phone to cope. I'm looking at memes and videos of cute animals. So I'm going to ignore my phone more. See, everywhere else I lived, my phone was out of reach when I was in the bed. At home? The only outlet I have in my actual bedroom is where I can reach the phone. And I've been afraid to fall asleep lately so I just keep putting it off until my brain starts seeing the walls move. And that needs to stop because that's not healthy and it's going to make my problems with anxiety while I'm living here worse. I need some regulation. Sleep is a good place to start.

</Life updates> :)

She's really cool looking. I've never seen a gecko like that before. I was thinking of the smooth green ones. She does look like a tiny, polkadot alligator with a rounder head.

I think she is too! She's a leopard gecko! I loooove geckos because they're so easy to care for. I also have a thermometer gun so that makes things even easier. I love pets who are not too rare. (My dad loved the rare animals, and I loved them (especially when they got brave enough to warm up to me!) a lot but the amount of care and money and time that went into them could be phenomenal sometimes...)

She's the wild type morph of a leopard gecko, which are the most common! Some morphs are worth hundreds of dollars. But not my babe. (Which is great, because it means I could actually adopt her once I decided she was great!) (Which took two seconds even though she got scared and tried to run away. But she's very chill now.)

She reminds me of the fat tailed geckos we used to have. But her personality is much different. (The geckos we had never had the same personalities tho.)

huh. she doesn't look anything like the geiko gecko. :laugh:

Nope!! :laugh: The Geico gecko is a day gecko! Probably the Madagascar day gecko, but he's probably a bit of a mix of different days. I'm not sure who the artist is so I can't check.

(For anyone curious: They are great pets for beginners, but you've got to look for captive bred for those guys. They'll be healthier, less stressed, and also not taken from the breeding populations in a country that's running out of population.)

What did you name her? If you haven't yet I humbly suggest...Miss Toni Braxton the gecko.

I named her Leopatra! But in private I'm going between Cleo and Leo because she's answering to both really well. (She's a great listener.)

I'm thinking about getting her some Egyptian hides, maybe a lil throne and a tiny Isis statue (Isis is cool) (Hello again, NSA). I can't find any pyramids (except lil Mayan ones) but that's fine, because Cleopatra wouldn't have had anything to do with pyramids anyway. She was more into Atari. :P

I named her that because I like the pun, but also because Cleopatra was an intelligent woman and I think she's cool. And Leo looks intelligent. And acts in funny ways. For example, despite the fact that she was terrified of me, she's chilled out so much that now she expects me to hand feed her meal worms (unless they escape her bowl). Also, she likes crickets, but if she strikes at a cricket and misses, then she walks slowly into her log hide, lays down, and refused to come out and eat. (Even if the cricket goes into the hide with her.) Pretty relatable honestly. I'm sure she'll grow out of it though! She can catch 'em.

I'm sorry it wasn't Toni Braxton it was Aaliyah. I feel like the chorus totally pertains to your life right now. You need the uplift. Things will get better for you.

I do. Thank you! I think I may have heard this one before, but I'm not sure. Catchy! :hug: I hope you've been doing okay!

Oh hey! Another person who can't walk into a pet store without taking home the most sickly/traumatized/in-need-of-love animal there! -highfive- They make the absolute best pets. As for a name. If you haven't picked one yet, I suggest picking a name that you associate with something that makes you smile, like My-Own-Effin'-Place the Gecko! Okay, maybe not that per se, but you get the idea. ;D

-highfive!-

They doooo. They just need a little more time to adjust, then they're perfect forever! And she's a lucky lizard, because when I get a pet I refuse to let them go unless I have to to live. I'm really protective. So she should be good to go for years! (Hopefully a good twenty years! May she live long and prosper!)

She surprised me though. She settled in and was happy by the first day. I think that pet store was freaking her out, because now she seems to be doing great! Very low stress!

Thinking about you @littleoc , :hug:

Thank you :hug: :hug: Thinking about you too. I hope everything is okay with you and your family. I've been sending you good vibes. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Oh, important thing I forgot.

I've told y'all that I there are a lot of pagans in the community here. A lady I know told me she could sense a change in me, and I curiously asked her what she meant, and she said that I've got a new spirit animal, the skunk. Apparently, according to ancient tradition, this means that I really need to act on my own distinct self and ignore the opinions and wants of others for a while.

And if people don't like it, or don't like me, I've gotta move on.

So yeah, I thought that was extremely relevant and wanted to share it. The day before she told me that, I found a skunk plush in my mom's crawl space. (It flooded, but the skunk toy somehow was fine.) It's definitely a sign.

Also also, the synagogue invited Nashville in Harmony to sing (it was a holiday) and I learned that Nashville in Harmony is a musical/chorus group that invited gay people, trans people, and their allies to come sing together and help create positive social change in the community. I'm thinking about joining. Not sure though.

 

[littleoc]

But I did FINALLY rediscover my singing voice. Finally. I am using it to make sure I don't stop paying attention in the car. Because it's not reasonable to have Nestle tap me every fifteen minutes in a car. I need to be focused enough.

And not let Fungus drive. I'll only talk about that if someone specifically wants to know. It's not important. I drive safely. He's just a bit of a trickster.

 

[somerandomguy]

Wow, I think Nashville in Harmony could be a really great opportunity for you! Give it some thought.

 

[zombycat]

Who is Fungus, and why should he not be driving? -curiosity piqued-

 

[DharmaGirl]

You are lucky there are a lot of Pagans there. I am moving to cowboy territory someday, and I was worried, but I found some on the internet there.

 

[somerandomguy]

Who is Fungus, and why should he not be driving? -curiosity piqued-

Basically Fungus is a separate personality littleoc created for the benefit of her horrible, abusive ex.

I'm simplifying big time, but that's the gist.