Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Kubash16]

:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[littleoc]

So I’m thinking I’m going to just move Shabbat back where it’s supposed to be because my family is being a bit of a dick. I don’t really want to talk about it though. So I don’t know why I’m bringing it up.

I mean that my entire family changed it to accommodate Christians. But then my dad went crazy, became athiest but acted pagan to lure in unsuspecting victims, and yada yada no one cares.

I wont be able to move out in more than a year at this rate so I guess I might as well get used to it. To being somewhere so dirty I have to take anti-allergy medications just to breathe. Without health insurance. With a lot of guilt. I hate this place.

It’s really unfair.

There was this Hotel Hell episode where a hotel that looked a million times cleaner than this house got a bio-hazard reading. Above 30 is considered dangerous. The hotel got a 5080.

It. Was. Cleaner. Than. This. House. and my OCD can’t take it. Y’all wanna know why I shower multiple times a day? Because I accidentally touch the walls sometimes. In the f*cking shower. Just fall over a little. Brush an elbow on the curtain. There’s mold, bacteria, even f*cking algae. No one cleaned it while I was at college. NO ONE. So now the tub is permanently stained and would straight up require replacement but my mom is stupid and hasn’t saved up a dime. Just keeps eating out and acting like it’s a choice and not because her kitchen is a disgusting wreck.

All last month I was trying to get her to go to the library because she won’t stop buying books. I can no longer change the sheets on her bed and she no longer has access to the f*cking comforter. She chose to go buy books once a week. While she has no paycheck.

I finally got her to go to the library. SHE COMES BACK WITH A TRUNK FULL OF BOOKS. For f*ck’s sake. Apparently the library was selling books and she got every single book by one author. I asked her where the f*ck she was going to put them and she really happily/excitedly yelled, “I don’t know!!!!” like it was hilarious.

She is now blocking the one available seat on the couch with her walker because her trunk is full of books.

I would rather die than keep living here. I can’t tske it. And I’m going to be stuck here for probably the entire f*cking year.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I'm sorry you are stuck there for a while longer littleoc. It must be overwhelming, from all angles. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

Thanks, @MrMoonlight. It is. I want to stay but I want to get out as soon as possible. I hate that I’ve never had a house or a bedroom. It’s hard to be thankful for having a bed when it’s the same one you had as a toddler. Too small. Dog doesn’t fit on it. There’s no room to get a bigger, softer bed. And even if there was it would get so dirty on the through the house that I wouldn’t want to sleep in it.

My mom hasn’t had the carpet cleaned since 1979. Imagine how much dust mite shit there is. I don’t have an allergy to dust mites and I don’t care about them usually, but the amount of shit the fungus must be eating. Can’t stand it. I want to get out of here.

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:

 

[frogthroat]

I'm trying to think of viable options for you. A homeless shelter is absolutely out of the question but I'm wondering if there's a women's shelter or home where you would be able to stay long enough to accomplish getting a stable job, saving up, and getting your own place. I think you realize that you can't stay where you are but getting out seems terrifying and impossible at the moment. There's no way you can stay somewhere that filthy.
As much as it seems hopeless to you right now there's a way out of this situation and into a better one somewhere.
There has to be options for you. What a horrible time for you but you've been grappling with this for a long time and I think you know what you have to do. I'm thinking of you. This is a hard moment in your life but it's temporary and I know you're strong enough to get through it. You just might need some extra help at first.

 

[LuckiLee]

Do you know of anyone who would rent a room to you? It's cheaper than a apartment..... Thinking of you!

 

[littleoc]

Thank you guys :hug:

Sorry, I’ve been holding that in. It kind of exploded.

I’m looking at jobs right now. There are 55 I qualify for so I guess I could send a resume to all of them. Brandi doesn’t get to judge if she finds me at an entry level job trying to make things work. I would never judge her, anyway. It isn’t her business.

I’m trying to get scientist jobs too but I think just getting a job is going to help me get out of this house more often. It was so hard seeing Scottie having a tough time but still having a nice place to sleep...

I think we’ll hang out again though! Maybe I can spend time in cleaner houses.

Thanks guys :hug:

 

[littleoc]

I know one person in Sewanee who has a free mattress if I rent a room for $200 a month. A bit far away from where I want to be and the guy is also a hoarder of anything previous tenants have left behind, and I’ve still got a service dog and pets, so I’m still hoping to rent either an apartment or a small house (very small, just needs two rooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen honestly)

It’s just that my bird’s immune system is pretty much gone so she needs a warm room and my Russian ass needs a cold room. (Which will be way easier when I don’t live with my mom. My room is way too hot here.)

 

[bellbird]

I’m trying to get scientist jobs too but I think just getting a job is going to help me get out of this house more often.

Yes. Job first. Cool scientist job later.

Some people rent rooms to folks with pets.
My current flat accepted Tweeter and I as a package deal :)

 

[littleoc]

Yes. Job first. Cool scientist job later.

Well it makes me feel way better to hear you say that for some reason! I guess because when it was coming from me, I was afraid of disappointing someone. But it's really, really normal and even common for people to get smaller jobs first. Especially with the student loans. Even though they aren't making me pay yet, I'd love to eat away at the interest while I'm waiting for that. (Will be in about 2021. I should have some kind of income before then.)

Some people rent rooms to folks with pets.

Good to know!

I'm worried because I have the lizard, the snake, the bird, and Nestle minimum. I've let my mom take care of the bird and snake once. She did her best but occasionally didn't take my advice in a few extremely key moments and put both their lives in danger. And I tried to get her to move Dove from one cage to another the other day and she wasn't cooperating with Dove well. Too submissive, even for a bird. No confidence at all, and birds can really see that. It's just not an option right now.

Honestly, she's not even taking care of Slinky. I do everything for Slinky. My mom does feed her but she wasn't even letting the mouser Xavier come in without me making it happen. Last fall it got down to -11C and she was telling me that if the cat wants to stay outside, let him, and I'm like, he really shouldn't be out in weather like that. He's old.

But my sister is also counting on me to adopt her cats, which I plan to. The longer I take to move out, the more in danger they are. I didn't mention that earlier, but my sister's husband has been threatening to bring them to the pound or abandon them outside -- which sucks because he got them for her! I really dislike this man, and I know my sister is only accepting him because my mom taught her that it's best to stick it out than to worry about how it's affecting your two-year-old son.

(I'm bitter, today, sorry. Y'all know that Annie Lennox song "Bitter Pill"? cuz I just got that stuck in my head, lol)

 

[bellbird]

But it's really, really normal and even common for people to get smaller jobs first

Yep!
For an assignment in one of my undergrad papers, a professor got us to do a job search and report a series of three jobs (in order) that could be taken given the major we were enrollment.
To show us that we won't go from graduate-researcher straight away. And to be realistic about options that come up.

I'm worried because I have the lizard, the snake, the bird, and Nestle minimum.

In terms of good tenancy pets, I think you're doing not too bad there.
Contained animals like birds, reptiles and fish and much easier for a landlord to accept than something like a mammal that has the potential to shit everywhere and eat everything.

And I would think SDs may have exceptions where normal dogs would not be allowed, just like SDs are allowed in many places regular dogs are not :)

Of course it is all landlord specific, but I would definitely contact a landlord and discuss your pets, even if they say no pets, because it's possible they're just not wanting a herd of alpacas in the backyard

But my sister is also counting on me to adopt her cats, which I plan to. The longer I take to move out, the more in danger they are. I didn't mention that earlier, but my sister's husband has been threatening to bring them to the pound or abandon them outside -- which sucks because he got them for her!

I understand. And I know as an animal lover that must be really hard.
But if a place comes up that will take littleoc+her 'minimum' pet brigade, then please please go with it.

Your health is the most important, and I really can't bear the thought of you being in that house any longer than you absolutely must be.
:hug: