Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

I don’t know how I’m supposed to get my schoolwork done. I still have internet so that’s nice but if I medically withdrawal I’ll owe scholarships back and have to start paying back my student loans because I lost my grace period with the last medical disaster.

 

[littleoc]

Which was the entire reason I wasn’t able to withdrawal after I got my TBI. I kicked ass though.

 

[littleoc]

Feeling a little better. It’s storming again. Gonna try to rest at least a little.

Thanks for the sudden support, @somerandomguy, it helped. :hug: One day I’ll wake up like a normal person in the morning, too :P

 

[Freida]

wow --- so much going on! You sound like you are doing a great job though -- truly. You are recognizing what is happening and working thru it. That is huge, huge, huge!!! ?

I think I’m calming down now. I’m sorry. I keep having panic attacks.

No need to apologize. We have all been there :hug:

but if I medically withdrawal I’ll owe scholarships back

Can you double check on this with financial aid? They may be able to suspend it until you get back into school. If financial aid folks don't have the answer go check with disability services. If its a medical condition it should fall under an accommodation --- you may just need to find the right people to talk to.

 

[joeylittle]

Hey, @littleoc - I’m sorry, I don’t know how having a service dog would affect the cost of care, specifically. I think that whether or not you could keep your dog with you would depend on what you were being admitted for, and what medical tasks your dog provides. Going into a hospital, there’s a baseline assumption that being admitted will mean your medical needs are being met. There are circumstances where exceptions can be made, but I don’t think they’d apply for what you’re describing.

I’m glad you’ve been able to re-regulate yourself.

Someone might have asked - but does your school have any short-term support systems for students who become homeless?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think that whether or not you could keep your dog with you would depend on what you were being admitted for, and what medical tasks your dog provides.

Also, someone, other then medical staff, has to be with you to take the dog out or they won't allow it. Which is why I will never be able to bring Chopper with me in the hospital.

It honestly doesn't matter what medical tasks the dog does. It's more "can you care for the dog" and "are you on a normal hospital floor". Some hospitals will allow the service dog in the ICU, some won't. But if you are getting an operation or something, someone else has to be there to take the dog for that timeframe and then be able to bring the dog back to you in recovery.

There is no way that I can think of that a service dog would effect the cost of hospital care @littleoc unless you are talking about a mental hospital. Mental hospitals do not allow service animals unless it's a residental treatment center that cost thousands. Some residental treatment centers do allow service animals but they are hella expensive!

 

[siniang]

@littleoc I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm getting frustrated and exhausted from just reading it.

I may have missed it, but have you tried anything medsy to help with your insomnia?

Not sure if helpful, but years ago my internal clock was completely messed up by jet-lag to the point of being chronic. I'm super reluctant, PARTICULARLY with sleep aids, but my doc at the time prescribed me something plant-based (basically what's in sleep teas, but 100 times stronger - according to him the sleep teas are more placebo than anything because the dosage is way too low). It helped wonders for me. If you want, I can look it up.

 

[littleoc]

Hello again :) I decided to take a break until I could handle things better. Went to see my therapist today and am feeling a bit better. Taking myself out to lunch. I’m alive and things are going well. Hung out with friends, went to Pride, could afford some basic comforts. Good times :) Plus a friend offered to let me stay at his house occasionally if I need to just get away from my mom. I’m probably gonna take him up on it very soon. Just need to get my poor birdie figured out.

You sound like you are doing a great job though -- truly.

hey, thank you :) ? I hope it’s not weird to say but I thought I was doing great too :D Still do.

I called financial aid but I do think I was a little too dysregulated to get much accomplished. I’ll have to try again. When I called my advisor, she ended up whispering into the receiver, “Rebecca? Are you safe?” So I really need to call them back and explain clearly what’s going on so they don’t send police my direction, lol.

PTSD just needs care occasionally.

Someone might have asked - but does your school have any short-term support systems for students who become homeless?

I asked this, but (again, sorry) I’ll have to ask again. I think im getting extra student loan money returned to me now, though, so I can use that in the meantime. Not preferable since I’ll have to pay it back, but anything to make me regulated enough to get a job will have to do for now. I’ve got to get out of there.

Also, someone, other then medical staff, has to be with you to take the dog out or they won't allow it. Which is why I will never be able to bring Chopper with me in the hospital.

Mental hospitals do not allow service animals unless it's a residental treatment center that cost thousands. Some residental treatment centers do allow service animals but they are hella expensive!

okay, awesome, very good to know and thank you :) I will probably not go for now then. I don’t want to leave Nestle with my mom again. Last time I did and Nestle was allowed visitation rights (which was hilarious), she came in COVERED in fleas... I can’t trust my mom with anything.

Therapy seems to be doing the trick for now, so that’s something!

I may have missed it, but have you tried anything medsy to help with your insomnia?

No, I haven’t. I have some melatonin — I just keep forgetting about it until 4am or later. Is that what you tried, or was it something else?


Thank you alll, by the way :) :)

 

[littleoc]

My mom really just got mad at me and all self-hate-y because I didn’t want newspapers from the back of her car to dry my sleep mask.... like, jeez, if you’re sensitive that your car is dirty, have it cleaned? And don’t “whatever” me before telling me that it’s still in a bag? I didn’t even say anything besides “no thank you,” which is 100% a right I have.

Also, it’s OCD, not judgement. Maybe if you listened to me occasionally you’d know that. I’ve made it pretty clear that my one clean space is my bed. And youve been taking people who don’t have access to water to and from work and our shower, so sorry if I don’t want newspapers that may or may not have touched their shoes.

I’ll get your god damn newspaper if I want it.

Uuuuuuuugh I need to get out of here. I’ve dropped housemates in the past for less.

By the way, my therapist told me to think of my mom as my housemate instead of my mom while we’re in the house. Anything to get me to communicate better. She’s not liking it much. I guess it’ll have to be rough like this for a bit...

Not exactly how I want to treat my own mother but I’ll be out of here soon, and then I can deal with things a bit more realistically.

 

[littleoc]

I invited her to eat salad outside and watch a storm. She told me she’s just very tired from recent events and her chronic pain. Makes sense to me. I’m glad I’m patient and vent my frustrations privately at first. That would have really blown up if I lost my temper. I really got to get out of here.

 

[littleoc]

Man, if I could stop having all these nightmares, I could probably be amazingly productive.

As it stands I’m still in bed At f*cking 4:40pm because my nightmares messed with me that bad. So anxious.

 

[siniang]

No, I haven’t. I have some melatonin — I just keep forgetting about it until 4am or later. Is that what you tried, or was it something else?

It was something based on Lilikoi, I think. If I'm not completely mistaken it was this: Kytta Sedativum (not sure if allowed to post link as they're all to online-shops)

No clue if there is an equivalent in the US (I'm having a hard time finding a lot of the plant-based meds I've been using). But that stuff did wonders for me at the time.