Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Freida]

That is awesome news!!!

 

[littleoc]

yes :)

still very depressed overall but at least her ex is leaving us alone again for a while

 

[littleoc]

i've been putting off going to the hospital for over a year and now it feels pretty useless to even try, to be honest. im just here. every day feels like such a long time.

 

[littleoc]

Why do people tell me not to kill myself? Does it make THEM sad?

I guess I'm around to prevent my siblings and nephew from being traumatized, at this point. And prevent my dad from using it for pity points. And of course so the cats and doggo and bird don't have to have a bunch of big changes and stress. That's already happening though

ETA also to prevent trauma to my best friend. And other best friends. I feel less strongly about that lately for some reason

 

[littleoc]

I ate raisin bran today. Can't bring myself to do the dishes that have been sitting in the sink for a month nor clear off space in the kitchen, and even if I did it's not like I have money for normal things nor do I want to cook anything. It's useless cooking for one

 

[parrotthepolly]

Why do people tell me not to kill myself? Does it make THEM sad?

I guess I'm around to prevent my siblings and nephew from being traumatized, at this point. And prevent my dad from using it for pity points. And of course so the cats and doggo and bird don't have to have a bunch of big changes and stress. That's already happening though

ETA also to prevent trauma to my best friend. And other best friends. I feel less strongly about that lately for some reason

You just named some living beings who would miss you. Yeah it'll definitely make them sad.

 

[Rose White]

Can't bring myself to do the dishes that have been sitting in the sink for a month nor clear off space in the kitchen, and even if I did it's not like I have money for normal things nor do I want to cook anything.

Feeling this so hard. My daughter asked, “What’s going on with your room?” I said, “Oh you mean the papers?” (That have been sitting in the doorway and I walk over them multiple times a day). I just can’t bring myself to do much if anything around the house or cook. I decided to go ahead and let the plants die—again. Anyway, just… feeling like this too—for different reasons.

Glad you share about it though—helps so much to not feel alone with it.

And sending care to you—it’s a lot you’re holding right now.

 

[littleoc]

 

[littleoc]

Slept real good

 

[littleoc]

Rip my grandma, she would've cringed at that grammar lol

 

[Teasel]

Glad you slept good

 

[Freida]

Glad you got some sleep, happy you are still with us

I think it would make sense that you are depressed. I mean, you just lost your mom - of course you are sad. Killing yourself sad? Hopefully not. But making acknowledging that you were struggling before, and now have a death to deal with, might help normalize how you are feeling without ending it all?

Have you thought about a grief group? I know they have them around here, for people who have lost someone recently and just need other people to talk too. Maybe connecting with others who are experiencing what you are would help?
Just a thought.

You just named some living beings who would miss you. Yeah it'll definitely make them sad.

This. So much this.