Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

She did her f*cking best. Why did no one ever just agree with me on that?

 

[littleoc]

Why did everyone want me to be mad at her and why is my brother acting like she was the literal devil?

 

[littleoc]

Or, I guess, why does it feel that way to me.

 

[littleoc]

Got a lot of chores finished Including finally doing the dishes for the first time since my mother's passing

 

[Freida]

oh hun - I"m sorry things are so tough right now, but you are NOT worthless or a ghost.
Very proud of you for thinking about inpatient to help you get thru this and for doing the dishes! It's baby steps that make progress.

You mom wasn't evil, but she did have some problems that impacted you. That doesn't mean you didn't love her - love and anger can exist side by side. Was she to blame? maybe, maybe not. Might have been on purpose, might have been bad wiring in her brain. In the long run though it's ok to still want to love her and miss her while acknowledging that she is the cause behind your struggles. Those two things can coexist

 

[littleoc]

The government is trying to take my sister's food stamps away because of "fraud," fraud being that she gave me and my brother inheritance money in cash. Just give her and her tiny son the damn food points

 

[littleoc]

Thank you

I do want to add that I really feel if it weren't for my father and her father that she wouldn't have had those struggles at all. I am not a very touchy person but I really wish I had hugged her more

 

[littleoc]

O, and I did get accepted into the partial hospitalization program (php)

ETA: I start next week

 

[One step at a time]

I'm sorry about your mom. Death brings up all the feelings, and the feelings about having feelings.... From doing the dishes to going to the php, it sounds like you're taking some big steps. Will you need to travel far to get to the program? Reading back, it feels like you've been holding things together for a long time, and I hope the program gives you a chance to breathe.

 

[littleoc]

Thoughts I sent to someone

 

[littleoc]

I'm sorry about your mom. Death brings up all the feelings, and the feelings about having feelings.... From doing the dishes to going to the php, it sounds like you're taking some big steps. Will you need to travel far to get to the program? Reading back, it feels like you've been holding things together for a long time, and I hope the program gives you a chance to breathe.

Yes, it's maybe 45 minutes away with regular traffic, but I've gotten insurance to secure me a ride back and forth for now in hopes it means I can actually show up regardless of if I'm falling asleep or not

 

[littleoc]

Thank you

I'm not sure what "keeping things together" means but thank you for it