Combat Ptsd

[Navy Spouse]

Hi, I'm new to this site. My husband returned home from Afganistan about 5 weeks ago. He is suffering from combat PTSD and what I'm going through now feels harder than the deployment itself. I would love to hear from anyone who has been or is going through this with their spouse. I just figured out what he was suffering from in the last week and he has started counseling. I'm torn to pieces though because he felt he needed to move out while going through counseling. He said he felt his anger would cause him to do or say something he wouldn't beable to take back. I've read everything I can get my hands on to try and educate myself. He is emotionally detached from me most of the time. I have learned quickly that I must try to stay emotionally detached and respond to things he says so differently then I normally would. I feel resent because after a long deployment I'm still home with all the responsibilties of the children and the house. It all just hurts so much. He was always such loving person and to see him react as if in pain when I hug him sometimes kills me. Luckily he doesn't react that way with our children. We've been married 17 years and made it through a lot of trying times but this is the hardest and I feel like its completely out of my hands.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome to the forum!

There is also a sister site for combat PTSD specifically. There are lots of supporters who are experiencing or have experienced similar things with their loved ones.

I also experience touch from children as significantly less startling than adult touch. Kids usually don't realize that I'm all that different.

Best of luck in your venture!

 

[wife of]

Hi there, would just like to point out that the combat ptsd site would be great for your hubby if he feels like sharing,unfortunatly the cares section on there was closed down,but hey,some of us are on this one.
It might be a good idea for you to look and learn from the public pages and the forum sections that are visable to the public on the other site though.
I learnt an awful lot there and some of the dilemmas other supporters and myself had were answered and I am guessing will still be visable,that might help you.
If you need a forces wife ear then feel free to pm me(ex uk army)

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Navy Spouse,

You are not the only one who's spouse has come back with combat PTSD. The sister forum for combat could be a useful backup for your husband while in counseling. The way you are describing him sounds like the symptoms we PTSDers suffer. I got mine from witnessing an awful crime.

I'm certain you will have some contacts with other people on this forum who are living the same thing. One thing is for sure, please take time for yourself, go for counseling also, as this will help ou to vent out and see straight in yourself. The fact that he wants to move out while in counseling seems to me like he truly loves you and doesn't want to hurt you in any way. It's a good thing that he is willing to get help. Just you, don't be alone with all this.

Wishing you the best of luck and keep posting.

 

[Navy Spouse]

Thank you to everyone who posted a response. After reading so many others experiences with being a spouse of someone with PTSD I almost feel like I shouldn't be complaining. I have days where I just feel angry though. He's been really good about coming and spending time with the kids and I and its been quality time. It just kills me when he leaves to go back to his own place. It just doesn't seem right, I still feel so cheated. I miss our evenings together after the kids are in bed for the night. He will see the counselor for the third time tomorrow. It's hard to focus on all the good when there's still so much I miss.

 

[ermill2]

Hi there Navy Spouse,
I can relate to most of what you're saying. My husband is also a vet, he did a tour in 2003 in Iraq and another as a contractor in Afg. in 2006. His ptsd went undiagnosed for a long time, years, and all the while he said it was my fault that he was acting the way he did. It has been 2 years since he was officially diagnosed and he still isn't going on his own to get help, I have pushed a lot, which again he says is the reason why he isn't getting treatment. He also feels that he needs to move out while he is dealing with his issues. He is like a cold rock, very detached and only emotion I really see is his depression, anger and intense anxiety. I can relate to what your saying about feeling cheated, we didn't ask for them to go to war, have problems, or be treated badly. why is it that everyone else seems to live a normal life, yet we are carrying this burden and have emotionally lost our husbands? there wasnt any real forewarning that our husbands could come back as a totally different person. I think it makes it a lot harder too when there are so many resources, it seems, for the veterans but not many for the spouses dealing with it as well. I have had to dig and dig to find much of anything.

 

[Navy Spouse]

I guess I'm just here to vent today. It was a good day, my husband came and we took the kids on a bike trail near our home. The girls rode there bikes and we walked and were able to talk since the girls rode ahead. We did 7 miles total, which felt really good. We had dinner together at home. The bad part is when he decided it was time to go I fell apart. I try not to, but I feel cheated. I get so angry at the damn war! It didn't take his life but I feel like it destroyed our family. Sometimes I wish I could feel the numbness inside that he feels so it wouldn't hurt so bad. It is really hard to love somebody with all your heart and have that person not be able to give it in return. It was there when he deployed but it didn't return. I kept all his emails so I can see what we had. The emails became just ordinary check ins after he lost some of his buddies but I just thought he had less time to email. I knew the loss was hard but never guessed what it had done to him. Plus he says there's more I don't know that he's not ready to share yet. I feel for my girls, they love him so much. When he came home they never missed a beat they were daddy's girls again. I'm thankful that he comes to spend time and it's quality time. It's just not what we had craved for so long, being a family under one roof again.

 

[Zipperhead]

I guess I haven`t been the easiest person to deal with for the last 4 years. I`m sure my wife feels as you do. But when my wife starts into the `army did this, army did that```I feel betrayed. I don`t feel she supports who I am and it hurts. Sure, I show no emotion but anger, but the emotions are still there. If I can give alittle advice, leave the army out of it. He`s a soldier. He is the army. Even if he`s mad at the army, he still has that pride in what he is and has done. Don`t take that away from him.

Al

 

[Navy Spouse]

Thank you for your response Zipperhead. I don't attack him for being in the military. I know that even though he has come back all "mixed up" that he is very proud of his service. I have told him the girls and I are proud of him for it and that he is our personal hero. What I attack when I get mad enough that things come out is the war and even he agrees that it has gone on far to long. I hate that it has taken so much from him and so many others. ( I know we're blessed to have him home at all) I hate that their are so many civilians that have no clue what their troops and their families go through to keep this country safe. All of you fought for your lives but the battle doesn't end when you get home.

 

[MouseWedger]

Navy,
It's good that you're here looking for some comfort and advice. I can tell you as a survivor of PTSD, and a former significant other who lived with a just-returned Afghanistan vet (who also had PTSD) that it is hard, but it does get better. My ex, John, came back and thought he came free of emotional war baggage. I recognized the signs, I tried to get him to seek help but he wasn't ready to admit that he needed it. He said he felt weak, no matter how much I told him that seeking help didn't mean that. The only thing I can tell you, is to give him time. Let him know you are there for him. I didnt give John that time and his PTSD just got worse with my pushing. Your soldier will see the light again. Feel free to message me if you need anything.
Mouse

 

[Navy Spouse]

Thank you mouse for the thought that it will get better. I try to be positive and not push him. I know things aren't the way he wants them. He is in counseling and I have read a couple of books and passed them on to him and he's reading them. I know he's trying. I just get frustrated because I feel we've missed so much time already and its just sad.

 

[MouseWedger]

I can definitely relate and I'm sorry you have to go through this. Try to stay positive and hang in there. Each day find a little something you can do just for you, to make you happy. Something I also forgot when I went through my situation was to try and keep me happy and together. I ended up eating away my feelings and I gained seventy plus pounds. More than two years later I'm only half way through taking it off. Please don't end up like me!
Hugs and happy thoughts,
Mouse