Combat Ptsd

[Concerned Partner]

I have a good friend that suffers with PTSD. He is a Vietnam War Vet, he was in the Marines. He will not talk to me about his experiences in detail as he says he will not put those images in my head. I am trying to encourage him to seek altenative treatments but I'm not sure who I can contact or where to go. I know he is on alot of meds which seem to help somewhat. He still has nightmares and tends to withdraw. He needs a therapist that can help him deal with this. We live in NH and would appreciate your help in finding that person.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey,

Welcome to the forum.
Don't expect him to share his experiences. I know of veterans who go to therapy and have been for over 20 years, yet they still will not share with a fellow veteran. Most of our traumas are own private battle.

As for medication and therapy, you can only help those who wish to help themselves. If he is not ready, then there is nothing you can do.

Jimmy

 

[Sarg]

Concerned, I would recommend the Vet Center. All the counselors are combat Vets. Very laid back, very cool. But like Jimmy said, if he won't. he won't. I'm in a similar situation with a nephew of a friend of mine. He's an Iraq Vet and has raging symtoms of the beast, but won't even consider seeing someone.

Nothing else I can do.

Sarg

 

[Redheaded Stranger]

Mine will only go because they won't give him the meds unless he does....and then he doesn't regularly take the meds. He gets antsy for days before and for a day after he sees the psych and refuses to really talk to him. So unless he wants help, or is willing to at least go and try, all you can do is suggest the VA.

Good luck.

Red

 

[Jimmy1]

The 'Beast' as Sarg put it is just like having a Substance Abuse problem or being an Alcoholic. Talking from experience here.
I did the PTSD course then when my life fell apart I believed I was a Pharmacist, Horticulturalist and a Shrink all rolled into one.
I would go to my therapy sessions stoned and talk shit. I only went there because DVA said so or something like that, but it was only once a month. I also ditched all my medication and convinced myself that Marijuana could cure everything.

Although I hate taking medication, I am so glad I am back on the anti depressants and off the illicit substances and alcohol and I am glad I am seeing my therapist.

I gave my therapist permission to hit my traumas, bad move, and the session before she will tell me what we are going to do and make extra time to allow me to calm down.

I suppose, the whole point of what I am trying to say is that once you can see that it is making a difference in your life then you will do what it takes.
Some people have not hit 'Rock Bottom' yet. I lost my wife and family and everything I had including my career.
I was lucky to get my son back, but almost lost him by smoking too much of what i was growing.

Some veterans partners will stand by them and put up with the crap therefore there will be no change.
If you stand your ground Red, he will want to change.

Just my opinion.

Jimmy

 

[Fargo1]

Concerned,

Greetings and welcome!

What Jimmy said about hitting rock bottom... Sometimes you really have to go there to be able to see that there is indeed an 'up' and out of it.

I agree with Sarg, however, for me going down the to VA or a Vet Center was too much. With the VA, the BS that they ran me through would leave me worse off than if I had not gone down. I am in the 'lucky' situation that I can currently afford to pay for my own therapist without having to deal with the VA. If I had to deal with them...I am not sure I would be getting help.

Also, as you have found this site, maybe you could point him in this direction have him read the forum posts, and maybe, just maybe he will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Fargo

 

[Concerned Partner]

Hey,

Welcome to the forum.
Don't expect him to share his experiences. I know of veterans who go to therapy and have been for over 20 years, yet they still will not share with a fellow veteran. Most of our traumas are own private battle.

As for medication and therapy, you can only help those who wish to help themselves. If he is not ready, then there is nothing you can do.

Jimmy

Concerned,

Greetings and welcome!

What Jimmy said about hitting rock bottom... Sometimes you really have to go there to be able to see that there is indeed an 'up' and out of it.

I agree with Sarg, however, for me going down the to VA or a Vet Center was too much. With the VA, the BS that they ran me through would leave me worse off than if I had not gone down. I am in the 'lucky' situation that I can currently afford to pay for my own therapist without having to deal with the VA. If I had to deal with them...I am not sure I would be getting help.

Also, as you have found this site, maybe you could point him in this direction have him read the forum posts, and maybe, just maybe he will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Fargo

Thanks Guys!

I will try to get him to join the forum and maybe,just maybe, it will help him. I care for this man alot but we are just friends because he isn't capable of having a long term relationship. It seems we can only see each for a short period of time before he needs "time alone". I have been reading about PTSD to try to understand the behaviors and I feel so bad about what you guys are going through. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I deal with him? Do I push? If I try to push too much, he just withdraws. So do I just be patient and see him when he wants or just listen when he calls?

Concerned

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Hi CP and welcome :)

Everyone is different of course but from a carers perspective, you will need bucket fulls of patience. Gentle encouragement is how I go about things. (Pushing my darling hubby is just out of the question.) You have to get to know his responses, sometimes he can plan a little way ahead other times he can only think about the next couple of hours. If you can agree on a goal the aim will need to be approached carefully and slowly. You certainly wont get there at the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd attempt. As you will learn from reading on this forum it's tricky learning to understand about the complexities of combat ptsd.

That's why you've come to the right place to get support from both sides. Read a bit at a time and know we will help when we can.

RG

 

[Fargo1]

Does anyone have any ideas as to how I deal with him? Do I push? If I try to push too much, he just withdraws. So do I just be patient and see him when he wants or just listen when he calls?

I would not push him. That will have unpredictable results. One time he might say, "Okay." the next he might say "F@#k Off." I would be patient, check in with him every now and again to make sure he is alright. Listen to him when he reaches out to you. But mainly just be there for him.

In addition you need to take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. You don't stand a chance of helping him if you are messed up.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey CP,

I have a report from my psychiatrist which was written to the VA. It states that I am unable to form meaningful long term relationships. What a load of bullshit.
I will admit though, if Margaret asked me to leave tomorrow, I would and without a tear in my eye.
I need my alone time too, but I can do it in a house full of people. Its hard, but keep working at it.
With regards to the topic, here goes.....

This is a good topic. I beg to differ Fargo.
Once you can judge his mood well enough, have a conversation with him. Even when he goes to therapy ask to go with him for a partner session. Tell him that you want to help and you have been reading up on the disorder and also on a forum about the disorder. Tell him that there are heaps of veterans from all over the world on it who have PTSD and can offer help.
Tell him that if he is not feeling well in the head to let you know, otherwise ask him if you can help him by pushing him a little to get him out. Trust me. We are like children throwing a tantrum at times. Once we have done it though we thoroughly enjoy it.

My therapist helped me there. I think you should be allowed to push, but just not too far. For example. Going out somewhere. Make sure that it is not over crowded. And then coax him. Push him. Tell him he will enjoy. Most of us do.

I think I am covering the same ground and waffling.

Hope it helps

 

[Concerned Partner]

Hey Guys!

CP here!

I have been and will continue to be patient. He did ask me "Not to give up on him", and I won't.

The problem is that he was an officer and he lost a couple of guys. He can't forgive himself. I have tried to remind him that, We were at war! He was only following orders. Don't they say that the officer has to stay strong and follow orders no matter what, because if he shows any weakness he loses the respect of the rest of the company and if that happens then there could be alot more casualties?? I'm pretty sure I read that. Anyway I do try, gently, to encourage him. He says he will talk to the psychiatrist/therapist who was an officer and he was there. Otherwise, he doesn't want to hear it.

So, guys we need to find that therapist/psychiatrist and I'm pretty sure he will go!

Thanks Guys,

CP

 

[anthony]

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