Comfortable and Safe Assault Dream Involving My Grandfather - Doesn't feel like my normal assault nightmares

[chihayafuru]

Dream about him
I went to room I wasn't supposed to be in
Grandad walked past the doorway and stood outside the room
I thought he didn't seem to mind so I stayed and continued looking at the books
He stood behind me, he seemed a lot taller than me, I was clearly a child
I was scared he touch me but he just bent down more to my height and put his hand on my arm.
I was relieved he was being normal and felt bad for thinking he was going to do anything
Then his hand was on my thigh but I still thought he was being normal
Then he kept slowly rubbing his hand over my crotch (I had clothes on)
It felt really good but I tried ignoring it and was looking at the books and he said nothing

Then suddenly I was facing away from the books and I could only see his hands and my crotch
He was rubbing my clit and I wasn't scared I was sitting on him, felt very comfortable and the rubbing just felt really good and I was wet. I said nothing and neither did he.
Then there were other adults and I put my arms over his hands so they couldn't see him rubbing me
He started rubbing me differently, like he was licking me but it was still his hands
Then I had a bit of blood and I said I'd started my period
I tried taking him to the bathroom to 'help me put a pad on' but I think I just wanted the rubbing to continue without the adults watching
They then apparently realised what he was doing, I was then sitting in a corner feeling ashamed that everyone knew what he had been doing to me
A police officer was there talking to someone asking if I was the girl he'd abused
I wanted to say he hadn't abused me but I didn't want to look at anyone
He'd ran away

It's not normally him in my nightmares. Normally when I have assault nightmares it's random men even though in real life it was just him. It didn't feel as bad as my other nightmares, there wasn't pain. It didn't feel scary. In the dream when I was sitting on him, it felt comfortable and safe. And I was upset that he ran away cause the other adults found out. I'm rarely a child in the assault nightmares, I've only had one other nightmare where I was a child and it was a random man.
Right now thinking about him touching me feels safe.

 

[arfie]

i suffered epic, sleep deprivation levels of nightmares from pre-adolescence to my early 40's. keeping a dream journal was my ticket out of that hideous cycle. my recurring nightmares changed radically as my healing progressed. hideous demons morphed into random strangers of both genders. random strangers morphed into people i could identify. distorted other-worlds settled into more earthly terrains. previous fear responses grew the courage to stand up for myself. etc., etc., though the bizarre mysteries of dreamscapes.

but that is me and every case is unique, especially in dream world.

steadying support while you sort your own case.

 

[chihayafuru]

in the dream i felt scared and then when the abuse was happening I felt safe. i'm very confused by this dream
@arfie do you think your nightmares changed because your brain felt more able to deal with things?
like for me it normally being strangers and then it now being someone I know, is it cause my brain is healing?

 

[arfie]

do you think your nightmares changed because your brain felt more able to deal with things?

that is precisely what i believe with many endorsements from my therapy support network, both pro and peer.

healing really can happen. let it happen to you

 

[chihayafuru]

I feel weird thinking about the dream, it's making me feel icky but also like whatever happened was safe

 

[Friday]

I can fly in my dreams.

Real life?

Is different.

I equate my dreams to my own ability to imagine.

 

[chihayafuru]

Dream child me is disgusting. I keep randomly thinking about the dream and it's making me angry at dream child me. I'm trying to tell myself it was just a made up scenario but that isn't helping

 

[Maya1320]

You don't have to judge the child in your dream. Perhaps you could imagine it's not you. It's a child who doesn't understand what's going on but enjoys whatever happens to him/her. Besides, the grandpa in the dream doesn't harm the kid. He's instead pleasing the kid in a way. Maybe the worst part is not a kid being touched in a sexual way, but a kid being touched against her/his own will or being used as a tool to fulfill other persons' fantasies.

In your latest dream, it sounds like you are the protagonist instead of a plaything for others. You even made moves to make yourself feel good. I have a feeling that in your dream, even though as a kid, you acquired an adult's consciousness or ability to fulfill one's own needs. And this sounds like an ideal situation: no matter what happens to you, you ask yourself if you like it or not instead of listening to others' opinions. They might say that you should fulfill your grandfather's needs, be a good girl, and obey his instructions. They might say that your grandfather is disgusting and he should be arrested. Neither way were they putting YOUR feelings and needs in the first place.

In your dream, you did intentionally make moves to make yourself get the most out of it. Whether it's about sex or not, you become the leading role in that part. I believe it's a sign of healing or growing up whatever you call it. Congratulations.