Communicating: What's Easier For You Speaking Or Writing?

[Deleted member 5760]

Yeah SheCat I think I'm probably one extreme or the other. In fact, I know I am. There's like this invisible line with me where you're either 'in' or you're 'out'. And if you're on the good side you're very much IN. A person could call me at 3am and I'd stay on the phone for an hour or go over and talk something out. Whatever they need. I actually really enjoy talking with the people on my 'in' side. BUT, if you're not in (and there's only a select few who are) then you are very much OUT. You'll have to fight for my time because I'll feel so uncomfortable with closeness, and I probably wont answer a phone call. Which can come across as rude, but it's just the way I am. It's because I'm shy and I don't feel comfortable and not because I mean to hurt anybody or be a 'snob'.

It's funny because one of my very best friends actually joked with me one night that when she first met me (we were in a group - and a mutual friend brought her out) she thought I was a giant snob! Because I didn't talk to her much. But she can see now why that is and she always LAUGHS when people ask her 'hey what's with Jen - doesn't she like me or something? She is so shy'. My friend will laugh and go 'she is NOT shy!' (I'm not if you're in).

As far as writing - I've always felt comfotable doing it. But if it's someone like a partner - I prefer to talk things out. I don't like going to bed with something unresolved. So yeah, it depends on the relationship also.

I'll also add - I don't really like it about myself because I feel like it limits the people I allow into my life. But I just cannot help it. I'm just not comfortable opening up to people Im not close to, particularly in group settings.

 

[Nicolette]

Maybe for you it is a case of getting to know someone like this, eg the forum, learn to trust us, and then meet up with us face to face even if for only a short amount of time and then build on it like that with other people.

I do get what you are saying as I used to avoid any conflict and would suffer or punish myself to avoid an argument and can't stand them as I grew up living in them with the consequence always being pain. I still have to bite my tongue sometimes when dealing with PTSD but that is different from what you are talking about.

I'm no expert but life must have taught you the lesson that face to face issues with relationships/friends = problems, arguments etc - all the things you would want to avoid. I get that and my family pushed me away as I got to a point where the only way I could talk to some was via email and then I still was getting into trouble. Maybe, just maybe, you are like me and picked the wrong people for you but with your strength and determination you will meet people who are more suited or more understanding of you. Example is that Anthony ex's mother in law (I posted this somewhere else recently) actually told me to my face that she had not seen Anthony so at peace and happy in all of the 5 or so years she had known him. She said I must be better suited to him than her own daughter. I'm struggling to get my point out but I hope the example works.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Yeah to add to my above post - it actually made me giggle about what broke down the barrier between myself and that particular friend. We were all out at a club one night (there were about half a dozen of us) and I'd been dancing for hours. I came back over and there were no seats left. And I saw this and thought 'ok, well I'll just go keep dancing'. And she pat her lap. Like 'just come sit on my lap'. And I just thought that was the CUTEST gesture of friendship. In that one moment the barrier broke down and by the end of the night we were great mates and pretty much inseperable. So it's funny how barriers can so easily be broken down at times if they happen in the right way and at the right moment.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Again Nicolette you are correct in many of the points that you bring up....

Trust was always an issue with my daughter. I never fully trusted her to NOT revert to her old behavior, so I could never fully trust her, and have an open and honest relationship with her. Sad, but I have 2 relationships with forum members that I believe are built on admiration, trust, honesty, respect, and genuine care.....I cherish these 2 relationships, and it's sad that my own daughter and I could never achieve this......

Another issue is the Life Lessons....I grew up in a house that if there was a problem and you spoke about it, you were most likely punished or beat for it... I learned not to talk about my problems, as it did no good....

The third point you bring up.....Picking the wrong people..... I am guilty of this also, and it hurts to later find out, that the relationships that were formed were with people that weren't capable of having healthy relationships.

Hard to pick your family members though, so a person is kind of stuck with that............

I will continue to find a way to figure out this issue though....

 

[Deleted member 5760]

SheCat - that's something my T says all the time. 'You CAN pick your friends'. Family - you're stuck with them. You can't do anything about the fact you're related to certain people except make the choice to not allow some of them into your life.

But she just drops that pearler on me all the time - 'You CAN pick your friends'. And I feel like going 'smartass......................................... THANK YOU'

 

[just me here]

writing is all I have outside of my talks with my therapist and my wife. The posts I have made here are the first time I have spoken of my PTSD with anyone outside my therapists office or talking to my wife about it.
So far, talking about emotions is much easier than writing, but I can see that if I get more positive feedback like the feedback I have received so far, I could get to a point where it is at least as easy and possibly easier.

 

[LeoTheLion]

I find myself more easier to typing things (writing) than speaking for expressing myself. Of course some people I know I cannot do it either speaking or writing. For some other people I find myself more easier to writing than speaking. This is a good topic

 

[Iam]

For me, if I get into it with someone and intense emotion is displayed on their part I will shut down and possibly stay that way for some time. Or it could send me into a deep depression. My perceptions can be so skewed that I don't trust them when I am upset so writing is much easier for me. First off it releases some of the more intense feelings, quieting me so that I can think more clearly. I can also "see" what is going on inside my head then. Afterwards I may choose to write the person, talk to them after I've written out my thoughts or choose to do nothing with it. I have found for me that it prevents many an argument.

 

[just me here]

writing is permanent and undeniable, feelings are transitory and often change 180 overnight. Much easier to back away from a statement you made than an email you wrote. My email link with my therapist is prefaced with a strong warning that all emails become a permanent part of my health record and can be accessed by anyone with the proper clearance.

 

[seedling]

I find it easier to talk about things. Sometimes it's hard to bring things up, but when I do then it's out and in the open and dealt with.

I can think I know what I want to write, but unless I know the person really well, the words just never sound right.

Also, if I write a note to someone about something important, then I'm totally on edge wondering what they thought until I hear from them. The response in talking is immediate.

 

[seedling]

Actually, both ways can suck with PTSD:)

 

[BrotatoSalad]

So, I have the need to express myself to others, but find it almost impossible to do it talking, so I communicate through writing....

Does anyone else struggle with this????

When I write/type, I have far less of a physical stress response. I generally do not start bawling my eyes out, shaking, hyperventilating.... Etc. I'm not sure why. Also, I feel more at ease because any fear that is shown my in facial expression cannot be read by the person I am interacting with. I am just one of those that does not want others to know she is afraid. I write as fast as I can talk, essentially, but it is much much much less stressful than face to face. One of the reasons why I just joined this forum :)

I hope this makes you feel like you're in more company than you previously thought.