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Completely Misread This One

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Heather

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I use to think that I had this radar when it came to "reading" people. I use to meet guys off of chat lines and hook up with them and nothing bad ever happened. I realize now how dangerous that was not to mention stupid. About six months ago I was sitting in my therapists office melting down when he insisted that I join the trauma group on Tuesdays. I reluctantly agreed and began attending. I attended regularly but refused to participate saying that I was there because my therapist said every time I went he'd pay me five bucks.:) After attending for awhile I became friends with one of the other women and found out that she was in a custody battle for her son. She asked if I'd go with her to court for moral support and I agreed more for selfish reasons (hoping to get out of my own head). Her life turned out to be more of a mess than mine. To make a long story short: she'd lost custody of her son a year ago, was living in a shelter and embroiled in a very nasty custody battle with her ex-husband. With summer approaching she had a much better chance of getting week at a time custody of her son if she had a "real" place to live. My mother had always said she wanted to rent out the upstairs. After a phone call my mother agreed for 500.00 a month for 4 months. She was awarded the week at a time custody for the summer. She moved in to my moms. All ends well. Right? WRONG. She never paid my mother a cent. They get into a huge fight. Granted my mother can be a jerk - that's why I moved out and I told her that before she moved in but it's better than a shelter and she got her son. Then she sends me a text message telling me that she defrosted a bunch of food in my moms freezer and stuck cat food in it and then stuck everything back in the freezer!:confused: Then her behavior gets even more deranged she starts taking all the food out of the cabinet and spreading it throughout the house. She sprinkled sugar all over the cabinets. She poked holes in all the apples with a pen. She took the dried spagetti and threw it all over the living room. She'd take the lids on the pots in the fridge and put a small lid into a big pot so it would sink down inside and then put stuff on top of the lids so that too would get all gross. She would drizzle syrup all over the condiments on the refrigerator door. When my mother would go out she would leave the lights on inside the house and when she'd come home the house would be in total darkness so she couldn't see a thing. My mother started the eviction process. Every time I spoke to my therapist he asked me if my mother was still alive. There were things upstairs that were mine. My mom asked me to take it out. I said don't ivolved me. Reluctantly I took out some cubes and wrote her a note. When she saw the note she went nuts and went into my mothers room and began destroying it. She said, "you let someone go into my room I'll go into your room". My mother hearing the noise went into her room to see what she was doing. She had taken all of her clothes out of her dresser and threw them around the room. Grabbed her clothes out of the closet and threw them on the floor. She grabbed her comforter and removed all the bedding, pushing the bed up against the wall. She cleared all the stuff off the top off her dresser throwing that onto the floor too. She threw and angel onto the floor smashing it into a million pieces. She was in my mothers face screaming, knocking her glasses off in the process. My mom grabbed the phone called 911. All the while she's still screaming at my mother about how SHE'S gonna be in so much trouble. Just wait til the cops show up. It blows my mind how she thinks she can destroy my mothers room, break her personal property and she thinks that she's NOT going to be in trouble? My mom said the cop took one look at her bedroom and said okay is she on medication? She was arrested for disorderly conduct. My radar was totally not working when I befriended her.
 
Hi Heather,

Being a compassionate and giving person is a good thing. There are never any guarantees that when we give of ourselves to other people that it will be appreciated, passed on, or returned. Sounds like you ran into someone that was horribly unbalanced and I am sorry this happened to you.

Don't give up on people, because the nine out of ten times it hurts, the tenth time makes up for it and then some.

Take care.

Debbie
 
Wow, I'm so sorry. You just cannot make sense out of the incomprehensible. Trying to make sense out of her actions is just going to upset you even more. You just don't know who it really is out there, and people like her can sense people like you who trust easily and wish to help. Don't give up on people, as Deb said. I have a very, very bad marriage behind me when the radar was completely turned of-only myself to blame but whew! Heard you on the radar thing- his sob story was piteous, also, to be sure although I realize the situation was differant.

I hope you're able to get through this dreadful fall-out soon, and have some peace this close to Christmas. Yes, we have to be careful, but hope you're not kicking yourself too much after the fact. You know now, of course will not make that mistake again and all you can do is forgive yourself, help your mother clean up the mess and go forward from there, you know?

Take care,

Anni
 
You aren't to blame for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, I agree with anni, move on and know it is not a reflection on you. Had she been more legitimate or healthy or sane-acting it might have helped her endlessly, you offered a gift and she would not or could not value it.
 
So, now 3 months later there's a protective order established for mother, which is a good thing. My psycho ex-friend still needs to get most of her furniture out of my mothers house but because of the p.o. she needs to hire a police officer to be there. She has no intention of doing this.

Instead she is trying to circumvent this by having her friends move her things out instead. My mom is not okay with this and wants to have police there. The only way that will happen is if she pays for it herself. She is furious and doesn't think she should have to do that. But it is what it is.

So, my mother who blames me for this whole thing (no surprise there) wants me to be there when her friends move the furniture out. I do NOT want to be involved! My therapist and I agree that added stress triggers my ptsd and makes it worse. I don't need this. I told my mother 10x's no and she's still on me about doing it. How do I make it any clearer?!
 
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