General Completely New Issue - New Friend Suffers Alone

[enrich]

Hello

My question is a little different from most of the others on this forum. My roommate of 1 year and I have always got along fine, though we never spoke much. I have always wondered why she seems to have no friends, and no social life. A couple of months ago she told me that she has PTSD. I don't know the details of how it happened and when, or its extent, but I know I empathize and want to help. I barely know her though, and I know even less about PTSD. Most of the other carers on this forum are spouses and family, and I feel like its easier for a sufferer to accept help from someone close to her rather than have to approach a stranger. She seems very lonely, and probably needs me. Any advice would be appreciated.

Of late I have started to get the feeling that she may be attracted to me. I'm not, and have never been (even before I learned about the problem). I am very moved by her story and want to be supportive, yet not give her the wrong idea. What can I do?

 

[Thornyrose]

Hi Enrich

Its nice that you want to help her, but like you say, you dont know her story. Be careful that you are not confusing curiousity with care as it can be hard for people with PTSD to know who or HOW to trust, and if she needs more support than you can give, retracting that care could re-enforce her feelings of not being safe.

She told you she has PTSD, so she obviously feels safer with you than others. The best thing to do may be to let her come to you if she wants some support - treat her with gentleness and remember that she is a whole person not a condition. Celebrating what you like about her rather than focussing on the PTSD may help her more than you would realise.

I would also say that it probably the most helpful thing you could do is support her to seek help from someone who is trained. (You may think that it is helpful to talk about the causes of her PTSD but I can say first hand that often it makes the symptoms worse if not handled constructively by someone who knows how to help the sufferer cope with the feelings that arise)

I don't have all the answers (wish I did!) but if someone wanted to help me when I was cut off I would want them to be very gentle and careful not to make it worse!

 

[enrich]

Wow thank you, that was a very perceptive response. I do know that she seems to want to talk about it, but I ask as few questions as possible and let her decide when she wants to talk and when she wants to just withdraw.

I'll make sure to keep what you said about making it worse in mind.

 

[Thornyrose]

Sounds like she has found someone special to be there for her. I hope that she can get through it with the right help and the knowledge that she has a genuine friend beside her.

 

[Nicolette]

Just wanted say welcome to the forum Enrich & Thornyrose. I look forward to chatting with you more in the future.

 

[nlk]

enrich, I wanted to reiterate what Thornyrose is saying about not making your friend share/talk about her experience. Sometimes it is the worst thing for them, and if you don't feel comfortable listening and then back off, this can make the sufferer feel even more rejected and unwanted.

nlk