Sufferer Complex ptsd sufferer, pls talk to me for help

[Anna Reese]

Hello Anna,

Warmest welcomes. There's plenty of us around from war torn places / been there long enough for one reason or the other.

I am so sorry your closest hurt you so bad whole your life. And I get it hurts double - losing them for true, and having lost / never had them before.

Loss doesn't get better by more it though... like by losing you.

You are awesome, beautiful soul, caring, nice, pretty damn smart (going 'just' by surviving this long, and reaching out for help so effectively), bet you talented in many ways I wouldn't even know about... and all that and more of who you are shouldn't vanish, just because all hurts now. It just shouldn't.

You say you are stuck in a bad job...
That is not saying you suck at it.
That is either the job bad for you, not helping you bring out the best of you, or not right at this time... but it's a start. A job, not a career, or whole your life. ;)

Is there anyone of coworkers / colleagues who would take your side? Make getting through each day working a little bit easier? Trying to make even casual relations can make a world of difference.

God isn't punishing you / making it hard and refusing to help... I believe God believes in you, however daring may that be to say. Because you are worth believing in.

This isn't a hurt to end your life... this is a struggle that you can and will get through. Because you have done it so many times before.

And, life with no man is still so better than married to a bad one. Good ones will show up in time, to see you clearly and love you properly. You need to be there for you, first, now.

Thank you, that means a lot. I really don't have anyone at work. I do talk though but always afraid they will ask personnel quesiitions. Yes, but lately, it feels too much and too scary.

 

[Anna Reese]

This is simply not accurate. You have been through trauma that would shake many souls. There is no should about getting over it. .It is what it is. You deserve support on your road to recovery. It's hard.

Sometimes in recovery, digging up the trauma will lead to symptom spikes. Feeling worse after journaling about trauma would be really common. Doesn't mean it's hopeless at all. Repeating depressive thoughts over and over would lead to those without depression to start feeling down. There are some different ways to journal to begin to challenge and change those depressive thoughts.

Right now, I think you might need some new tools on board to manage the symptoms and get things calmed down. I strongly encourage you to use the search bar on this site and read around for threads or on the search engine of your choice for information on grounding skills. It can help stop or reduce the panic attacks. Lot's of free info online too. This site might also be helpful: dbtselfhelp,com. There are a lot of great tools there for managing depression, self injury urges, etc. At first, building up your toolbox won't feel like it's enough to help, but it will very likely help over time and it's something you can do without access to a counselor and is what a good counselor would walk you through doing anyhow. It will be like building a muscle.

Yes,I get none of it. My mom is so unhelpful and I feel alone. Yes, i don't challenge those thoughts, I let it fester cause its too hard to be positive.

That is grat thanks, I started doing eft, and writing my fears an resentments. Yes, you're right. It just feels useless right now, depression and anxiety have sapped my energy and made life seem so negative.

 

[RecoveryGuy]

That sounds wonderful. I write fanfiction, but lately, I lost my love for writing. That is great advice. Wish I could draw, but not very talented. I wish I could trade my dysfunctional family, but stuck with them. Right now, happiness seems so hard and faraway. But hope things get better.

It would be nice to read some of your fanfiction!

 

[Anna Reese]

It would be nice to read some of your fanfiction!

yes, i don't really want to share this here. it is not that good.

 

[RecoveryGuy]

I write some, mostly in collaboration with other people for RPG games. Usually some interaction or backstory that we put together to share with the other players in the game. I really enjoy being creative.

 

[Anna Reese]

I write some, mostly in collaboration with other people for RPG games. Usually some interaction or backstory that we put together to share with the other players in the game. I really enjoy being creative.

That is awesome. I would love to do that.

 

[RecoveryGuy]

That is awesome. I would love to do that.

Have you ever played D&D?

 

[Anna Reese]

Have you ever played D&D?

No
but heard of it.

 

[RecoveryGuy]

No
but heard of it.

It is a lot of fun and allows for a lot of creativity, imagination and expression. I think it helped me to detach from some of my more triggered emotions too, cause I had to look at things through my characters eyes not my own. Idk if it really did, but it definitely seemed to.

 

[Anna Reese]

It is a lot of fun and allows for a lot of creativity, imagination and expression. I think it helped me to detach from some of my more triggered emotions too, cause I had to look at things through my characters eyes not my own. Idk if it really did, but it definitely seemed to.

Agree, hence why I write fanfiction and daydream. I have maladaptvie daydreaming disorder, and it gets me out of my head.

 

[GrayOwl]

Your trauma and distress are very very real. This sh#@!#$@ really hurts.
Thank you for sharing.

I keep writing long answers. And erasing them. They digress into my pain and trauma. And this is REALLY about you.

The short version is; I have prevailed over most of that negative thinking. It hasn't been easy. And it hasn't been without pain. It has been with a lot of very unselfish sharing by therapists, counselors, people on this website, and other people who have been traumatized and share with me.

Healthy balance of daydreaming helps us to heal. It can mask over pain and wounds when we need to. And it can have a dark side too. You can find that balance. Don't punish yourself for too much or too little as you find that balance and work to heal.

My life today has been worth every second of effort. It's not pain free. There are toxic people and places still in my life that I cannot entirely shake. But my head is in better places.

You can do it too. Absolutely.

 

[Anna Reese]

Your trauma and distress are very very real. This sh#@!#$@ really hurts.
Thank you for sharing.

I keep writing long answers. And erasing them. They digress into my pain and trauma. And this is REALLY about you.

The short version is; I have prevailed over most of that negative thinking. It hasn't been easy. And it hasn't been without pain. It has been with a lot of very unselfish sharing by therapists, counselors, people on this website, and other people who have been traumatized and share with me.

Healthy balance of daydreaming helps us to heal. It can mask over pain and wounds when we need to. And it can have a dark side too. You can find that balance. Don't punish yourself for too much or too little as you find that balance and work to heal.

My life today has been worth every second of effort. It's not pain free. There are toxic people and places still in my life that I cannot entirely shake. But my head is in better places.

You can do it too. Absolutely.

Its fine, i don't really mind hearing about your pain and trauma.

It is so hard, you don't know what its like to hate yourself, your life and pray to God to die every day. You can't even change yourself. I went to 4 therapists and they f*cked me up. and even talking to people on discord was a waste.

I do daydream, I have maladaptive daydreaming and I constantly daydream to escape.

I don'tthink I can do it. Maybe I am damaged forever.