News Complicated Grief Needs Specific Treatment - Losing a Loved One is Not PTSD

[AS1975]

I actually know (and have been adopted by) Aboriginal people in West End (TVL) who 'hate white people', despite (or perhaps because) I fought with them daily at school. What always amazes me with the PC brigade is the "I'm not racist, but...", if you are black I'll say you are black, if you are something else, I'll call that too. I'm not the most comfortable person to know, but I do pride myself on honesty.

With PTSD and a host of other illnesses, the simple fact is that it has to be sufficiently severe to cause impairment and dysfunction, it isn't something anyone should 'want' to be diagnosed with, for me the diagnosis is only a single step on trying to control the bloody thing. I personally dislike waking up in a cold sweat and I really dislike the fact that I know what fear is now, what it feels like to be absolutely incapable of functioning due to fear, I've never felt it while involved in a situation, but I've felt it so many times reliving them. I've never been one to see danger everywhere (christ only knows I rarely see it when it actually exists, or I don't react appropriately when it exists), but now I see it where it doesn't exist.

Suggesting that this is on the same scale as grief for the untimely, tragic, but unavoidable loss of a loved one to natural causes is somehow insulting. I've felt that, in fact when I lost my grandmother I was hit awfully hard, it isn't in the same ballpark.

 

[Shellbell]

There is a lot of understandable sensitivity to people's diagnosis and some want their diagnosis to be befitting and validating of the trauma and the horrendous time they went through and want it to all to be about the symptoms that fit and the other surrounding factors. And I do understand that.

For some, suggesting it is something 'less' than PTSD is insulting, invalidating and in their mind minimises what they went through. And I do get that, what they went through was hell for them - as it's the worst they know. And the mental health industry doesn't help.

And yes, as Anthony said, it is politically correct now to apply severity to more minor trauma. Even when it is not in the persons best interests.

 

[Britt.f7]

I'm wondering if some trauma's are stepping stones to someone developing PTSD? Not everyone, of course. Things do effect people differently. This certainly isn't minimizing anyone else's PTSD. I guess, for me and only me, I'm wondering, if I didn't have those precursor's would I have been better off by now? Have they somehow dictated how I responded?

As far as minor or major, I firmly believe that what is minor to one person may not, necessarily, be minor to another. I try to respect a person's feelings. Not that I'm always successful. I'm far from perfect. It's just that people tend to walk out of things differently. Maybe the people who walk out with less trauma are the exception rather then the rule.

Now, looking back, I believe my grandfather probably suffered from PTSD after serving in the Navy over 20 years. He was in both WW2 and Korean war. From what I know, though, he also had a traumatic childhood. So, was his childhood a precursor to how he handled the war? Frankly, I don't know. I do know that all three of his brother's were more successful then he was. Two of them in the service, and then after. What this all means, I don't know. I don't know what his brother's saw in the war, so that could be all null and void. How is it that some people just manage to handle things better? I think a better understanding is needed by all.

Okay, sorry, my head is rambling. Processing things over and over in my mind. I really found what I read in this thread quite interesting and informative. Thank you all.

 

[Abstract]

I'm wondering if some trauma's are stepping stones to someone developing PTSD? Not everyone, of course. Things do effect people differently.

Britt,
I am no expert but as I start to dismantle my past (of which most I still have found near impossible to speak about to anyone) I see certain things as having made me more vulnerable to trauma. I was not allowed boundaries as a child. I was degraded and controlled and more. My parenting and experienced meant that I was unable to moderate emotions and had almost no coping skills. It meant I could not feed myself or take care of myself in a normal way and it also meant I did not have a person in the world to go to for support. So when things happened I was not only on my own but was emotionally vulnerable and already very prone to freezing and dissociating. For example being exposed to sex*al violence when one already has a serious eating disorder is probably not ideal.

From what I know these things make us more vulnerable. I have found reading about resilience quite interesting.

So as far as I understand it I do think that certain experiences can make us more vulnerable to developing PTSD from traumatic events later.

 

[AS1975]

Personally I find that recurrent traumas are fairly non-trivial to get past. They overlap, they contribute and they really do contribute negatively to the intrusive thoughts and flashbacks. Like I said above, I've suffered some pretty gut-wrenching losses, one was my grandmother, shortly after significant traumatic events (within months) and it really made things impossible to deal with, which led to me putting everything off and simply trying to ignore it. So from my point of view, it most assuredly doesn't help one deal with trauma and the associated fallout, to suffer the loss of a loved one, or some other significant stress- or grief-causing event. But grief, as horrible as it is, doesn't by itself cause the ongoing traumatic replays or the nightmares, or the intrusive thoughts (indeed, I rarely - if ever - have anything but good intrusive thoughts or memories about people who've passed, I miss them, but what I remember is generally good stuff). Very different kettle of fish when dealing with trauma, what you remember is almost invariably bad and frightening (especially outside the 'moment').

 

[anthony]

Britt, what you say is absolutely accurate, yes. A lifetime of smaller trauma's can lead towards PTSD, but not give you PTSD. Abstract touched on that best, being they may make a person vulnerable. I use the word 'may' as having a lifetime of small traumatic events that do not fit abnormally traumatic, do not mean PTSD either. They may simply make a percentage of people susceptible when faced with something abnormally traumatic later in life.

This is one facet of PTSD they simply cannot trace, as every single persons life experiences are unique.

 

[Britt.f7]

AS1975, I agree with you on the grief part. I think, if I'm understanding it right. I do believe I've suffered from complicated grief ever since the tragic deaths of my friends. I believe it is because I never forgave myself for not dying with them, or not saving them. It is almost 40 years later and I have not lost that guilt, nor the wish to die. I do know it complicated my ability to grieve. What I don't know, is did this tragedy, and one's before and after, contribute to my being susceptible to PTSD. Not the cause of it. I know what brought that on. Unfortunately. Kind of like, if you develop a weakness in your bones, eventually you will, more then likely, break it. So did they wear down a part of my psyche and make me more likely to develop ptsd, compared to someone else(like my sister)?

 

[Britt.f7]

Thank you Anthony, I think we wrote ours at almost the same time. I didn't see yours until I finished writing my last comment. Definitely clears things up and gives me thought.