Relationship Concerned

[smyly]

Hi,

My husband is serving his second tour in Afghanistan with a few months left till he is out of the military. He will be home on leave soon and then back to Afghanistan though.

He is showing symptoms that I never saw his first deployment. I expected some of this. I knew this would be even harder for him.

Lately he (we can mostly only talk online) says one thing and then contradicts himself only moments later. Or he will say one thing and forget he said it moments later. I know everyone does this, but it isnt the normal. Also, we decided (he begged) to adopt a puppy. He found the puppy (11 weeks old now) online and fell in love with it. I mean the guy literally fell in love with it! Since we had been talking about getting a puppy anyways, and seeing how attached he already was, I couldn't tell him no. So we are adopting it and will have it tomorrow.

Anyways, the puppy seems to already be providing therapy to my husband, which I'm very greatful for. But I'm concerned that my husband is "mothering" the puppy. He is making sure I wrap the puppy up and keep it warm after I pick it up...almost like I'm coming home from the hospital with a baby. All of this is just starting to raise flags in my head. Im just getting very concerned.

This has only started showing up in the past month or so and it has frequently gotten worse. I know the stress over there is extreme, but I just don't understand why it would be showing up now. If anyone has any advice please let me know.

I'm just VERY worried about him.

I am concerned about when he gets back. I'm concerned about him being able to function. Luckily I will be able to take on the financial responsibilities so he wont have to worry about a job. But I still worry. Mostly, I'm just worried about his health.

Well anyways, sorry to go on. I just really appreciate any advice.

Thank you so much!

 

[amethist]

Hi smyly

Welcome to the forum.

This is going to be a tough one for you to deal with on your own, so good you have found us before he comes home.

Putting so much care into the puppy is possibly taking his mind off what is going on out there, and giving him something to focus on, for when he does get home.

Him being as he is now, could be just the thought of what he is going to do when he comes out of the military, wondering how he is going to cope, wondering what life has to offer him once he is out. it does not mean that he has PTSD, though the possibility is there.

When he does come home, treat him as you always did, as well as being prepared for a difference.

My husbands PTSD is not from the military, but there are other military wives on here who will be able to give you there take on things.

Take care of yourself when he gets home, just as you do, if not more, as you do while he is away.

Amethist

 

[lanagirl28]

Although I am not currently with my love (but am hopeful) I thought I'd just let you know I'm here to listen if you need it as I was with him when he returned from his second deployment a different man and also got out of the military just a few months after returning. I can say that aside from the normal difficulties merging back into society after coming home getting out of the military in addition can be a very hard time for them... I think right now he is still really struggling with not knowing where he fits in the world anymore without having such a structured lifestyle anymore, and so now he's having to do some soul searching. It has been very sad for me to not only watch PTSD bring him down but also the reality of coming home and having a hard time finding work (regardless of our money situation just the fact that it was difficult to find a job made him feel terrible) or not feeling like he was doing anything important anymore. Also he's struggled a lot with wanting to go back to Afghanistan or back into the military even though while he was in he absolutely hated it. I definitely think that he wouldn't have had such a shock if it wasn't time for him to get out right after he'd gotten home, it's been a year and he's still having a hard time.

As far as advice, I'd agree to definitely take care of yourself - I had some separation anxiety when he got home but we can't smother them as there were times he didn't want me to see him in the state he was in or just couldn't be around people and I had to learn to be understanding even though I had missed him so much and he'd just gotten home. Also he recently started volunteer firefighting and loves the sense of brotherhood he feels he's found again, I know he feels a little more at home and having a purpose like that has given him some peace. Hope this helps, keep in touch! :)