Confessions...

[Nahini]

Ok, so while I feel like breaking out into an Usher song, I will spare you all my horrible voice (and myself a bit of embarrassment!)

No, I am not Catholic, but I feel the need to confess!

Last night I found the last of my narcotics, an old Rx from an accident over a year ago. Funny thing is, I hated taking them way back then, but now I'm on some sort of "I don't want to sleep" high. I thought they were all gone. I thought I only had one pill left for emergencies. I thought wrong. I still have a third of my script left. And part of me says "hey, you paid up the nose for these pills, you might as well get your monies worth." But now that I think about it, I realize the Rx was REALLY expensive so I didn't get it completely filled, so really I have more like 1/2 to 3/4 of what I paid for left... Oh, the crash is going to be hell but I'm so tired of feeling that I really don't care. 22 hours of no sleep, and counting...

Oh, and I also want to confess that I have been facebook spying. (I don't think it's stalking as people put their private crap out there for everyone to see. It's not like I'm illegally going through his trash or something.) Yeah, its only one person, this guy who was a total jerk to me. It's funny cuz he thinks I'm off facebook, but I only shut down my primary account. I still have my fake dummy accounts that I use to get freebies and such. He's the only one I check up on, I swear. But it's still funny that within an hour of any sort of interaction we have, he posts some stupid status in regards to it. Hullo, idiot, I can see you. So can the whole world. Funny how he was the one who played me, but now he wants everyone's pity.

Anyone else have anything they need to get off their chests, a la post secret style? Ha.

 

[Ribice]

I have commited financial suicide- again. This makes 4 times in the last 20 years :banghead:.

 

[Humiri]

I've been married for a few years. A few months ago, I had a dream I was having sex with an old friend of mine (who used to be a 'friend-with-benefits' - never quite a full-blown significant other, but we hooked up a few times after we'd known each other for a number of years, and have been friends since). As soon as it was over, my dream self said, "oh shit! I just cheated on my spouse! WTF! Why did I do that?!"

Then I woke up. I felt a little weird about it for a few days, but eventually shrugged it off as a dream, not cheating. (Didn't tell my spouse about it though. Seemed needlessly hurtful.)

 

[Wuhilu]

What a great idea for a thread! All those things I need to get off my chest that are just too...you know...to post normally.

I have set up a fake on Facebook and occasionally check my T, she's good though, it's all locked down. So is her family....and her friends.....Guess I chose a sensible T.

Oh, in touch with people on the internet again which I said I wouldn't do anymore.

I still view extreme pornography, even though it's unhealthy for me and can't stop using fantasy during sex.

I still hate myself and lie to H & T about how I'm feeling & doing.

 

[Ilojel]

I secretly hate my T for acting like they care about me. I can't stand seeing my T but haven't looked for a new one because I know it'll be the same problem all over again. I don't trust people who are kind to me or try to help me. My T would probably write me off as a hopeless case if they knew.

 

[Iwaco]

I'm so tempted to play the PTSD card it isn't even funny. Not with people who know me well as they'd see through it and/or think my symptoms are getting worse. Rather with people who don't know sh** about PTSD and its symptoms.

Perhaps I could still lay down the insult without blaming it on PTSD...yeah, I think that's what I'll do! The guy I want to insult is such a douch. Self absorbed, raised to think he's so "special"...ugh, I hate those kind of people! A simple "I don't remember you..." should suffice.

 

[Ovaco]

I'm so sick of dealing with this, so sick of feeling crazy all the time. I'm to the point where I want to hate God for letting this happen to me, for letting my mind break. I have tried so hard to be good and for what? It doesn't even matter.

 

[Nobo]

I think my partner (with PTSD) needs this relationship to end to be happy, but she doesn't have the strength to do it.

 

[Jibab]

I'm too scared to pick up the phone and talk to him because I fear I am the reason he left. I've looked at his Facebook and know it's not me but my fear takes over. I sit for hours like a loser rereading our text messages from days gone by. I'm scared o tell him anything incase I push him away. we need to talk but I'm too scared.

 

[Tutujeh]

If I'm having a really bad few days from the PTSD I lie and make up a story about some fake stressful event and use that to explain my mood like "my dog got hit by a car" or even "I have the flu". I think I feel like having a PTSD meltdown isn't as easily understandable maybe?

Also, I play World of Warcraft way to much to keep my mind off things even though I know it's not a healthy way to cope.

 

[Ovaco]

I'm scared sh*tless my T will quit on me. Every time he mentions taking a break from his job I stop myself from yelling "NO!" and just smile and nod instead.

 

[Esoj]

I keep tabs on an old friend on facebook, obsessively. I hate facebook because of this, before it I used to just wonder about him and it'd be fine when we caught up with one another every few months but now, I can't stop wondering why he's not interacting with me....no chats, no email, no texts, no phone calls and no fb posts. I check to see if he's interacting with other people or if it's just me he's avoiding. I will confess I had feelings for him, so much so that when we'd talk on the phone I'd get all flustered, my heart would pound and I'd feel like I was walking on air...and that used to make me feel bad because it was like puppy love, all exciting and 15 year old girl stuff when I'm a grown woman! It used to scare me, so I learned to control it by looking at the relationship in a different light - I'm pretty sure he does not feel this way about me, besides, I'm married, even if he did, he'd never cross that line.
It scares me to obsess over someone, how do I stop it?