Confused About Future

[SwordsPandaGirl]

I'm at a point where I need to make a decision about my future, whether to go back home after my degree and get a job in accountancy (which I find too stressful) or to go down the teaching root. I'm working on my application but keep pancaking a lot about it, I don't know if I'd make a good teacher and I just keep thinking about my abuser, he was my uncle (but also my teacher at school) and I cant help but think am I just becoming like him? :( I'm going down the same career path he chose (teaching) is this his influence? I'm really confused.
I also think that lately I havent been able to function well at all and I'm really depressed all the time, most of the time I'm crying because I just see myself and everything falling apart around me and I can't do anything about it. It's my final year of my degree and I can barely do any of the assignments because I'm just so low all the time, which then gets me extremely stressed because I dont want to fail either. I'm struggling to keep up with revision and sometimes even going into Uni is a struggle (I miss a lot).

So now, the application process for the teaching course, I can barely do it at all. My mind is so all over the place I can barely write the application and when I read what Ive put down, it doesn't even make any sense. Then there's my mind telling me I'm like him for wanting to become a teacher.

I'm scared, I don't know what to do and I can't stop crying. It feels like there is no future for me. I do not know what I can cope with as a career and Im not sure teaching is something I can cope with (since I can barely do anything all day) I'm not even sure why I've started this thread, I guess I just needed to let all this out? Either way im really upset and I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading and sorry if it doesn't make sense, I can't think straight :( :'(

 

[Stickler]

...being a teacher does not mean you're going to ALSO turn into a child sex abuser, hon.
...Your brain is thinking that
...But drag that out into the light of day and...no.

That's pretty irrational.

Right now? Calm down. Have a good cry if that will help. Maybe some sleep if that can be managed. You're not in a state to make decisions. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle.

You are most worthy of gentleness and love.
You deserve time to figure this out.

 

[Changing4Best]

It makes sense, no problem there. I don't think that wanting to be a teacher is a problem. Our abusers have done things that were good in their lives, and being a teacher would be one of those things. Abusers were bad to us, but hopefully this one was good to his students. So I see no reasons why you should not be a teacher. What subject did he teach? If it was a different subject than the one you would like to teach, that should hopefully not be an issue. Even if it was an issue, that still should not stop you from being a teacher. Being a teacher is a noble profession. So I'd say GO FOR IT! As to your crying, could that just be because of your indecision on all this? What do you do normally to stop crying? Would going out for a walk help? That can be helpful to me sometimes.