Relationship Confused And Angry

[christine12]

I have posted several times on this forum and today is no different I had to come to this page because I don't know if anyone else would understand.

I have been dating a man for several months and we have grown close I fell for him he falling for me ; but wouldn't take our situation from dating to a relationship. I have tried discussing this with him his answer was I deserved better than what he could give me and he didn't want to hurt me.

Now within this whole time span we have not been intimate just regular dating intimacy things and usually for a couple who is really attracted to each other you would think maybe you would carry it to the next level. But we haven't and we were having a conversation about it and he finally tells me the real reason why he can't commit to us. It blew me away he said because he knows I am not into a sexual relationship sometimes involving another female!!!.

Here is my thing I don't judge people what u do behind your own closed doors is your business. But here is where it really pisses me off WHY would you never discuss this with me period?! Why did you continue to let me fall in love with you?! Why would you allow me to get hurt this way but claim you didn't want to hurt me to begin with?! Why not come to me like a man and discuss your personal preferences in a adult manner?

I really don't know what to do I am so beyond hurt/angry/pissed right now! What am I suppose to do now? Left with my feelings.. So beyond confused

Christine

 

[99Phoenix99]

Christine... I ... am flabbergasted.

I've seen your posts and know how hard you've tried for this man. How much time and energy you've spent on this.

All I can say is you have EVERY RIGHT to be angry, pissed off, and annoyed. That's a shit thing to do after leading you on like that.

The only advice I can give you is find a way to blow off some steam right now. Get your anger, upset, and frustration out with some sort of outlet.

And this is just something I do personally but I'll share it with you. Don't contact him. No calls. No texts. No nothing until you have some sort of fix of how you're feeling and how you're going to deal with this. For me if I talked to someone right after something like this, nothing but crying, yelling, and nastiness would come out of me. Don't let yourself give into that. Because you don't know what you want to do yet. You might say something irreparable. (and I'm not saying this for his benefit. I'm saying this for yours. You might say or do something that you'll regret.)

It helps me to write things out. The facts. And the feelings. But make sure you differentiate them. Make sure you know what is fact. What has happenend. And make sure you know what it is your feeling to what happened.

Take time for yourself.

Go and talk to family and freinds. They're your safety net. Use them.

And most importantly know who you are. And what you stand for. Don't let him compromise that. Stand up for yourself.

Only then would I bother to contact him again. When you know where you stand as a person. What you will and what you will not allow. And make that abundantly clear to him.

 

[99Phoenix99]

You are a strong woman. You can do this.

You will get through this.

I believe in you.

And everyone on this forum is here to support you.

 

[Dallas]

Hi Christine,
This happened to me with an ex-boyfriend (non-ptsd related). He didn't want to take it to the next level, and I was truly stumped. Then it finally came up he wanted to have two females, and group sex and he knew I wouldn't be into that. I was shocked, hurt, betrayed, flabbergasted. After I recovered from the shock, I could see how lucky I was that I was able to escape from that situation relatively unscathed. You are very lucky it didn't go any farther. It was a blessing that you found out now.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[christine12]

@ 99phoenix99 thank u ever so much for your comment on my thread . I am trying to take some time to myself and just let all this sink in and try and understand. I actually wanted to join a kick boxing class prior to this but I think this sealed the deal with me I need to take the class especially for frustration. I am so angry at him for this That i dont know what even to say or do. I just know the hurt right now seems in comprehensive ... Really don't know why he would've waited to tell me that until after the feelings are already there .... Smh I don't know I just know I don't wanna waste anymore of my time but just can't get over him doing this ... But thank you so very much for your encouraging words :)

@ Dallas thank you for your words as well , I am glad I know now verses not knowing until down the line ... But still the hurt is overwhelming and just makes me remain to be pissed.

Thank you
Christine

 

[Bilby]

Geez... that's an awful thing to do. If he knew this was not something you would be into, then he should have said this right at the very beginning. I think from memory, he was having difficulty with committing to you and was communicating that to you, but the reason why would have been seriously helpful.

I'm sorry Christine - I really do feel for you. Take your time to process your thoughts and feelings - Phoenix has offered some really sound advice.

B x

 

[christine12]

@bilby thank you very much for your words as well, I ask myself the same questions u said and still can't understand. Still confused

 

[Nicolette]

It blew me away he said because he knows I am not into a sexual relationship sometimes involving another female!!!

My view on this, and it is only my view, is that he is looking for a reason to break up with you and for you to be the one who ends it. By saying something like this now, to me, means that he is looking for an out so has thrown something at you which he thinks you will consider a 'deal breaker' and end the relationship. He then walks away as the good guy for not ending it.

 

[christine12]

@ princess I would've thought that too if he wouldn't be calling and texting and checking on me everyday. It's as if he cares and doesn't wanna let me go ... Confusing but thank u for your input

 

[Nicolette]

He sounds very conflicted Christine.

 

[FaithJL]

Just like what Nicolette said, I think he was looking for a way out. He might truly care for you, but some people don't know how to accept love coming from others because to them, they don't deserve it. So, to avoid disappointments in the future, they create their own situation to finally push away those they care about.

That's just my two cents. Like you, I'm hurt and confused at the moment because some things just don't make sense.

 

[christine12]

@ princess yes yes he exactly does , and @ faithJl I really don't know what to think but thank you for your thoughts.