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Undiagnosed Confused and curious

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heartvenus

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I'm tagging this under 'undiagnosed' because I don't know if I have it. However, I know that I have undiagnosed DPDR due to emotional trauma which I may or may not talk about here in the future. I've known that this forum exists for a while now and I decided to join it because of something that I've been experiencing for the past few months. It's gotten better as they aren't as frequent as they used to be, though they still come up sometimes.

Last spring, I dislocated my remaining good knee while in the process of sitting down (which was more like throwing myself backwards into the chair) at my school. I had to be picked up in an ambulance and obviously had to get my knee put back in place. Then I had to go under anesthesia because the doctor noticed that my knee wasn't in place all the way. I remember after everything, I was in a mix of emotions, from disbelief and denial to almost feeling like I didn't care because I had been through similar situations with my left knee—aside from the frustration with having to be in a wheelchair and then crutches. Because of my family's financial problems, it took a long time to receive physical therapy and I constantly kept my leg straight because I was scared of hurting myself if I were to bend it past what I could do.

I initially handled everything well until a few months ago (I'm guessing October or sometime shortly before that) when I started having brief episodes of memories of random details during the ordeal when I had dislocated my knee. They usually came around if my mind wandered too far or if I had intrusive thoughts though they sometimes came out of nowhere. They typically happened within a split second but I could remember these details vividly within such a short amount of time. Since I haven't been officially diagnosed with PTSD or any immediate relative conditions, I was hesitant with calling them flashbacks. I'm also hesitant about it because of the amount of time that it took for me to start having these episodes, but I guess that's what I have to call them for now.

Tomorrow morning, I'll be going to get surgery on this knee so my doctor can remove any scar tissue that has probably built up from the months of not bending my knee. I don't necessarily have any care for it because I've had surgery before and I know what to expect. In fact I'm kind of having high hopes that things will be better for me after it!

I guess I'm just mostly confused about these episodes that I've been having because I don't know what to label them as, along with the fact that I started getting them long after the injury happened. I know that you guys aren't doctors, but what are your thoughts on all of this?
 
Are you under the impression that flashbacks are unique to ptsd?

They’re not.

Having said that, what you experience sounds more like intrusive memories to me.

Welcome!
 
What is DPDR? I hope that your surgery goes well! I can very vividly remember the time I went sledding on ice and dislocated my fingers. There was no internet back then to investigate what my intrusive memories might be. Lucky for you, I don’t think this will bring on the curse of ptsd. I’m not a psychologist, though. I look back at videos before I had ptsd. It reminds me how mentally healthy I was. I just really want my life back without all the weird stuff. I feel so much shame about how it has changed me. I only bring this up because though I think you could talk to someone about your intrusive memories, I think you have a bright future of healthy stuff ahead!
 
I know that you guys aren't doctors, but what are your thoughts on all of this?

No we are not doctor's but it still sounds like a horrible thing to happen to both knees. Do you suffer from some sort of muscle-skeletal problem whereby you dislocate easily?

I can understand why you would be feeling fatigued by this because it has such a big impact on an otherwise normal life and lifestyle?

Big stressors, indeed life endangering events etc., do not necessarily lead to ptsd but they might, and in your case, may have created some anxiety about what happened. Have you a school counsellor that you can discuss this with?
 
Hello all! Going to have to keep my reply short as I'm going to be leaving for the hospital soon. Thank you all for your responses, opinions, and good wishes; now that you guys bring it up, you're probably right about them being intrusive thoughts more than anything else.

What is DPDR?
It's the abbreviation for depersonalization-derealization disorder.

Do you suffer from some sort of muscle-skeletal problem whereby you dislocate easily?
I don't, but I have mild cerebral palsy. I couldn't walk properly until I was 2 or 3 years old.
Have you a school counsellor that you can discuss this with?
Yes, but I've never talked about this incident with her. When I'm back in school, I think I should work on that.
 
DPDR used to be not anymore (I hope) categorize under some sort of psychosis where one loses in touch with the body so it is no surprise, you are falling around and hurting body parts in the daylight. It could mean you were so unaware of you and in the here and now. the only option beside physical doctor to help you with this is also seeing an experienced therapist to make sense out of this.
 
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