Confused And Living In My Own War Everyday!

[Bigblueeyes45]

Ptsd is consuming everything about me..... I just want my life back even if just for a moment! I have lived with Anxiety and panic attacks for 40 years I now have PTSD I am told and I am trying so hard too not let my fears take over my life but it is so hard. I wan't too know what it feels like too seriously be happy and feel it!

 

[Bigblueeyes45]

I am struggling this morning with panic I almost wanna go too the emergency room but know they can not help me! I wanna scream and cry. I don't have anyone close too talk too about this. I had a appointment with my therapist next week but he canceled because he has a class... Now I have too wait three months too see him. Doesn't seem right!!!!!!!! I am not just a piece of paper in your reports I am a real person hurting and looks to you for help! Let down by the system once again. I am 45 years of age and have four beautiful daughter's and grand babies. one very positive thing in my life they are my world! I have been abused for most of my life childhood family member and ex husband then ex boyfriend! I struggled and have learned. I am newly married and he doesn't understand the whole PTSD and anxiety and panic so we argue a lot because he doesn't always seem to sat the right thing and I feel as thought he is emoitionaly abusive or is it just me because I am in this state of mind where I don't trust anyone! I want too get better but it seems as thought I don't have any support around me at all not even my therapist. So I found this website in hopes too meet people that have the same issues or not too have someone too talk too when I need it most..... I wanna be strong like my family and friends think I am. I am broken inside and fighting like hell too feel and be normal...... Any suggestion will help I have tried meds once and had allergic reaction too zoloff so I don't think I will be trying anything like that anytime soon! Too who ever listen and takes the time too read thank you and have a wonderful day!