Supporter Confused And Seeking Knowledge

[CarebearL]

Hi, thought I would introduce myself as I have been here a few days now looking for as much information as possible about PTSD and what it all means.

I have been seeing this guy off and on for the last year and even though he had said he had PTSD I had no idea what it was and even when he shut down the first time, still didn't see the connection and thought he was seeing someone else and thought that he mustn't have been that into me. So after 6 weeks of getting no response or one word texts back I gave up.

Then about 4 months ago he was back with gusto and everything was great. Then 3 weeks ago he shut down again but this time I realised this wasn't right we went from full on to nothing in a day after I challenged him about a reason he gave me for being late for an event.

That was when I started searching the net for reasons for the sudden change in his behavior and after reading everything I could find, I can't believe how blind I have been.

But now we get to the crux and that is I love him. We are now down to one text a day sometimes it's a one word answer but I want to know how long this usually lasts.

I text to check if he is ok, he won't answer my calls at first I was angry with him before I knew what was happening and then I did some soul searching and really want to try my best to support him through this. I just don't know how to proceed. Is it just a matter of waiting?, what if my questioning his reason he gave was the trigger?, is there anything I can do to help him in this phase?

Thanks

 

[amethist]

Hi CarebearL.

Welcome to the forum.

This is going to be a rough ride for both of you, so if you are in for the long haul, you had better buckle up and hang on.

The best advice anyone will give you when he shuts down, is to leave him alone, let him have his space and let him get back to you when he is ready.

Reading this thread will help you understand more of why good stress, such as a relationship, can have them running away.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/[/DLMURL]

Come down tot he supporters section, where there is loads of useful info, and dont forget to read the stick threads at the top of the different sections.

Take good care of yoruself while all this is going on, it will help you keep going.

Amethist

 

[LizardViolet]

Welcome carebearL. Yes, it's going to be challenging. When my bf shuts down and pushes me away, I back away too. I'll generally just send him one neutral or funny email per day and wait for him to text me.

Sounds like he is aware of his situation. (Is he diagnosed?) A big question will be whether he is motivated to seek help.

 

[Spring]

Hi Carebear,
I'm new to the site as well.
Has your boyfriend been diagnosed with PTSD?

I can relate to your situation. My boyfriend has broken up with me twice before. Each time seems as though it's over somethin' that we would normally consider to be a small issue. He does take a little time to come back.

Just give him a little space to collect themselves. It takes them time to process what they are goin' through. The fact that he does respond at all is HUGE and a VERY GOOD sign=) Hang in there.
~Spring

 

[inthistogether83]

Welcome! In my experience, questioning anything from him will be a trigger. My husband has had PTSD for a long time. Every day is a struggle. We have been trying to deal with this together for a long time and all of his Dr's have spoken to me both with him present and without and the one thing they have all agreed on without any hesitation is that PTSD will NEVER go away. The best you can hope for is that he learns how to live WITH IT! I wish you the all the best and hope things work out for the two of you but I urge you to seriously consider what it will take to be in a relationship with a man who suffers from this awful illness.

 

[anthony]

A little old this one.... though welcome.