Confused By Therapy

[kris]

So I went back to my therapist after a little break, and now I am even more confused about why or how this is going to help. Obviously if I went to the therapist and then it took me months to go back I was having trouble dealing with all my issues, well is it right for the psychologist to make fun of me about being a coward to come in. I believe he was just trying to break the ice and make me feel more comfortable, but uh no!

As well, he totally went off on a completely different issue then what I went there for, an issue I myself don't believe is an issue. If this is going to work, I just think that even though I don't want to really, that we need to jump into this crap and do it, not mess around with other shit that doesn't exist.

Also, it seems like he thinks I don't socialize or do anything, granted I am not the most out going person, but I go out. Usually if I don't socialize with friends, it's not because I am afraid or antisocial, it's because I don't have the extra money to do things, not that I don't want to go out with them. It seems like my therapist is assuming because of what my diagnosis is that I am like all other patients who have the same mental illness.

 

[Mina]

Kris, good for you for going back to therapy! :thumbs-up No matter what he said about how long it took you to go back...the point is, you DID go back, which takes courage. Well done!

I wouldn't like someone joking or giving me a hard time like that, either. It sounds like there's some difficulty in establishing a trust relationship with this therapist, and that maybe he's not a good fit for you. Perhaps there's someone else you could work with? I know many women (myself included) find it difficult to work with a male T, and prefer someone of their own gender. Personally I think it's easier to open up and express yourself then, especially if the past involves trauma (or drama) with regards to a man or men.

Did he say why he thought the issue he brought up was relevant? And did he at least give you a chance to explain about the socialization?

 

[Sunrise]

Nice of you to persist with this therapist but I wouldn't, for one minute.
Perhaps if we know the region someone can recommend a professional who is up to the task. Someone who is there to serve you and to show you respect and care won't mind being auditioned by you. I actually think one consult or interview will tell you if you are likely to feel trust that can be built on.
You deserve better. Trust your intuition.
Love to all

 

[gdf]

Hey kris,

Just reading through your post and thinking how close it sounded to my previous T who did many of the same things you mentioned and had much of the same agenda. Made a chill run up my spine.

 

[anni]

That was annoying as crap to read. I'm not sure where it comes into the therapist training to make you feel badly about something in order to make you better about anything. It didn't sound like ice breaking, it sounded really passive aggressive to me.

It was nice that at least you're genuinely self aware enough to know this is just wrong. When I first joined here, there was a thread about therapists horror stories, and I remember feeling SO relieved to know I hadn't been the only one to have 'bitten' by some idiots. At least there really are some competent people out there, and I hope you're able to connect with one soon.

Take care,

Anni

 

[Sunrise]

Hi Anni. Not sure what passive, aggressive means but I look at it like this:
A therapist comes to work and listens to all kinds of trouble and good on them for being part of the helping profession. But no matter how hard to understand, how tragic, how terrible, how disturbing, it is not HIS burden and no one forced him to take on this line of work. Respect and acceptance has gotta be the first cab off the rank. If he can’t listen and accept his client’s story as his client’s story and without treating them like a school kid or worse, some kind of fool, then he oughta get the hell out of the helping profession because he is no help at all. I know in REBT and CBT the T challenges his client but that is not this.
Love to all,

 

[kers]

You feel your therapist misunderstands you; have you been able to correct his perceptions or voice your concerns? How did he respond? An effective therapist is open to your worries and willing to closely consider whether he has made missteps. How a therapist deals with your concerns can tell you a lot about whether it will be a good working relationship. I have found that my therapist sometimes gets me wrong, hurts my feelings, or pushes too hard on the wrong things. But when I bring these up, he is open to hear my point of view and to alter his behavior if it will help. I hope you are able to address this with your therapist.

 

[kris]

As I have posted in other places, I have started with a new therapist this one is a lot better than the previous ass who made me suicidal and then proceeded to make fun of me and call me a coward even after I had told him I had been thinking of killing myself after the initial meeting with him.

The new therapist has moved a lot slower with jumping into talking about the "hard stuff", and just last week after 4 sessions he finally asked if I felt comfortable enough to try and talk about some aspects of the abuse. He fully made it aware that it was my decision to go ahead with the talking, and that if I at anytime felt uncomfortable I could tell him that I needed to stop and we could venture down another road. This approach went so much better, we talked about the sexual abuse and how I felt about myself and the abuse and I was able to do this without to many negative affects. Actually this week has been one of the best weeks I have had-in terms of suicidal thoughts, energy, and all the other shitty side effects I have from ptsd then I have had in atleast 6 months.

 

[kers]

I apologize, I was confused with the timeline. I am very glad to hear that you are enjoying working with this new therapist thus far.

 

[kris]

kers-no need to apologize. Also I am sorry if my post sounded snippy, but no I was just explaining that I don't have to deal with that weirdo psychologist anymore so his odd ways are not an issue to me anymore.

 

[anni]

It's true. That was a completely succinct way to put it! It is his job to promote your growth, not make you feel worse about yourself. In general, it seems as if the PTSD has self esteem registering somewhere around zero anyway. We need absolutely no help whatsoever feeling crappy about ourselves, and GOSH THANKS, Doc, for the backup!

The passive-aggressive thing is basically based in a hostile approach mostly ( badly ) maquerading as quite another intent. Someone who appears to wish you well, while all the time slowly sawing on all your vulnerable points with a dull butter knife, to use a bad analogy, would be passive aggressive. That is indeed a terrible analogy but hopefully you se what I mean. :)

I wish there was a better screening process for therapists. You'd THINK anyone who wishes to become one would have some inherent wish to genuinely help others, and that is what has driven them to their career path. Like a gymnast, chemist or engineer, they've discovered within themselves that they have a certain gift which could be cultivated and refined. You sure as heck don't see a bad gymnast out there because they'd have fallen over something and been booted in the first round. An bad engineer would never have passed the first year exam, a bad chemist no doubt blown up something important or poisoned themselves. All a therapist has to do is have an understanding of the dynamics required to pass all the exams, hang out a shingle, and then discover whether or not they can blow anyone up, so to speak. There just has to be a better way.

I did find a great one, but it took slogging through some real schmucks. He retired, and I'm still incredibly ambivalent about having to go through the whole process again. Isn't that an awful excuse on my part? :)

 

[Sunrise]

loved your reply Anni
Yr very funny :o)