Confused

[Jimmy1]

Confused

How is a person with PTSD meant to act.

In 2005 before I left for Iraq, although I apparently had PTSD, I had lots of friends mostly military. I was fit, healthy, had a wife and family.
Although we argued a lot, I was angry a lot, and drank a lot, I still had a life.

On return from Iraq in April, 2006, everything fell apart in my life and I had no idea what was going on. The arguments with my wife were every day, my drinking became worse, and my children were too scared to even talk to me.

In December 2006, a military shrink told me there was nothing wrong but family issues (I wonder why). When I started work again in 2007, things were worse. I went to the shrink again and told him I had no wife and kids living with me anymore. Then he said, 'well you must have PTSD'.

Things went quickly then. Both with treatment, divorce, and discharge from the Army. Added to this was shoulder surgery, and bowel surgery.

Naturally this had a great affect on my life so I turned to the bottle, and substance abuse. None of these gave me the answers I sought either.

I am doing everything I should now. I am a single father, I don't drink, and don't do anything I should not be doing. I am trying to teach my son morals and how to be a good person.

When people ask me why I don't work, I want to lie to them because when I try to explain what PTSD is, this is what I get from them.

'You don't look like you have anything wrong', or 'I know people who are worse than you', or 'everyone suffers from depression and stress at sometime in their lives', or 'I hate crowds too'.

I really wish I could just have my head, my body, and my life back.

:mad: :( :confused:

 

[anthony]

I was angry for a long time myself with similar things, then I realised that the only person being hurt from this was me. I had to find resolution that worked for me. I hope you find that for you mate.

 

[BioHazard]

I totally agree with both posts here. I have been told in the past that I "don't look crazy" or " look normal to me". In my mind (I'm kind of a smart ass) I always wonder if someone out there has a third eye or a second head, and claim they have PTSD. This is just how I cope with ignorant people, though. What I have is a mental disorder, with physical symptoms and manifestations. At times, I really want my mind to work the way that it used to, except that I want to keep the wisdom my experience granted me.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed and loved being in the military. I learned a lot of things, and saw some beautiful places. IF I had known the price would be my sanity at times, I probably would still have joined the military.

I have angry moments, then after I have calmed down, I realize that the only ones I have hurt are myself and my family. Especially when they are vocal anger moments.

 

[Jimmy1]

Thanks to both of you guys. I am having some major issues at the moment. And, even though I tell people they are not alone, I feel very alone. Going to write a post in relationships, that is where the main problem lies.

 

[BioHazard]

James,

Any time you need someone to talk to, Shoot me a PM. I am on here 4 or 5 times a day, and will get back to you as soon as I get the message. I may not be as knowledgeable about this disorder as Anthony, but I am willing to be a sounding board for you to vent your problems to, if you need it.

 

[anthony]

No need for knowledge Bio in order to just be a mate... in fact I would even say sometimes my own knowledge is a bad thing, as sometimes people just want a sounding board and I give them why it happens, measures to improve, etc... all when they just want to vent. Double edged sword my friend.

 

[Jimmy1]

But Anthony, sometimes we need to be put back into line rather than go back over the same old, same old all time. I know I do.

Thanks

 

[anthony]

True mate... I struggle at times to find the balance these days.

 

[FMG]

Its difficult (I know forum rules are post in appropriate area but honestly no one else posts in the officers club and I was in medical so those ranks mean nothing really apart from more bragging rights down the pub. All men are equal on the table so to speak)

The problem is when people start saying "I had PTSD once but I got better, you will to" and all you want to do is just hit them for saying something you know isn't true. I only spoke to two people about it, I decided to see what other people would say when I told them...

Yeah not helpful.

 

[BioHazard]

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who gets irritated with people who act like PTSD is like the common cold. My parents get on my nerves the worst about that. My mother tells me at least once every month that I will "get over it" and I want to lose my temper and ask her how you get over the mental trauma of seeing a kid get blown up, but I don't. It wouldn't serve any purpose except to trigger me to have a bad day and alienate another family member.

Another thing that gets to me is people who have to hear "war stories" every time they see you. People seem to live by the motto that U.S. news papers use, "If it bleeds, it leads", which drives me batty. People are morbid, and seem to think that gore and death are fascinating. But they don't want to face the fact that it can cause people to have years of mental and emotional illness. All they think is "That is so cool, I'm going to ask every soldier I meet if they killed anybody". That is my new least favorite question, in case anyone was wondering.

 

[Jimmy1]

You know I think a lot of our problems stem from our moral values being shattered, and the value of life held by people today.

As a child growing up I played soldiers, and cowboys and Indians. And even in my early adult life and the early part of my service before my first overseas deployment, I still had no idea what effect 'war' would have on my own psych, and even my moral values.

We all watched films and read books on real life events, and even our training, although realistic did not prepare us for what to expect.

Apart from living in fear whilst deployed and being exposed to the very real threats, I think the second greatest impact had on me would have been seeing the effect that total destruction and devastation had on the children and families of those living in the countries I visited.

That is one thing that we cannot explain and don't want to explain to our mates or families that have not been there.

All my values that I was taught as a youngster like 'respect your elders', 'never hit a woman', etc etc, all went up in smoke.

So now when I am asked, 'did you get to shoot someone', or 'did you see any dead people', I just turn and walk away as there is nothing I can say.

 

[anthony]

So now when I am asked, 'did you get to shoot someone', or 'did you see any dead people', I just turn and walk away as there is nothing I can say.

I usually just call the person a moron and then walk away... DOH! Is that wrong? :)

I still pride myself on that response, because years ago I would have hit them, win or lose, I would have gotten into a fight.