Contact Ad And Responses

[Anrish]

Hello,

I'm kind of lost at the moment.
Thanks to being gifted and switching schools several times, I don't have a circle of friends at all. I just have one best friend and some acquaintances, but that's it.

I also didn't have a relationship for two and a half year now - and my last one was with my current best friend. (It's almost impossible to seperate us but we don't get along in a real relationship.) She's a woman.
My last relationship with a man is more than six years ago. I had a very bad relationship which also caused my PTSD...and I was kind of scared of men since then.
But I'm not interested in women in general.

And I'm sick of spending most of my time alone, because my best friend lives about 200 kilometers away from me. We communicate via internet most of the time. She's also not sportive enough to keep up with my pace concerning holidays and stuff. I also spent some vacations alone but...it's frustrating in so many ways.

That's why I posted a contact ad in a journal from a hiking and climbing association where I'm a member.
I just wrote that I need someone to accompany me on concerts or hiking tours.

I didn't expect any respone, but I got about ten! And I feel totally overchallenged.

I tried to screen the guys who contacted me and some of them just dropped out because they were living too far away, one had the same name as my last boyfriend and another one just behaved too intrusive...but there are at least three more guys...it feels nice to write with them.

One of them is living pretty close to me and already asked me to meet in person. I can understand that because it's still different if you just write or if you meet each other from face to face. But I'm not good in direct interactions...I'm a scaredy cat...

And even if there developes something, I fear the moment when they will ask for a vacation together. Shall I tell them about my problem? That I might break down if it gets too much? That they shall leave me or calm me down? That I might start crying for no reason? That I'm overchallenged with "normal" situations? That I might dissociate and not be able to talk...?

I just don't know how to continue....

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think its awesome that you've reached out to find hiking friends and such. I think that its perfectly fine to write to him and tell him that you need a little bit more time to interact with him before meeting. If he is a good guy then I think he will respect this request. [The flip side is that I don't think its advisable to make a hiking friend out of someone who pushes for a first meeting too soon as this is the type of person who may not respect your boundaries.]

As for looking ahead and fearing the moment they ask for a vacation together...well, I think its important to take all of this one step at a time. Maybe think of it this way... Simply meeting one of these guys doesn't oblige you to do anything further beyond the first meeting. You two will need to get to know each other and be comfortable with each other before things progress further. I'm in a bit of a different situation right now, but the same sort of tactics are helping me get through it...That is, I am working on living right here and right now in this moment without worrying so much about tomorrow or what it may bring. It is helping me to focus on the present without worrying so much about the future. Who knows? You may not like any of these guys at all....OR, one of them could turn out to be a great companion. But, you'll never know unless you take a chance and get to know them. [Of course, at your own pace!]

 

[TXbandit]

I agree with Solara. I have had the same problem. When I meet someone from online, I NEVER want to meet right away. I want to get to know them better. I always say it is going to take time for me to actually want to meet in person. If I do like them and I feel "OK" with them I will always be up front and tell them that I struggle with PTSD. Always. I'd rather them know up front than surprise them or in turn be rejected for something they don't understand and I end up being hurt. Does that make sense?
I have never been rejected for telling them I have PTSD. They always appreciate me being up front an honest about it. I have only met about three from online and it took over three months for me to feel safe with meeting them. Some even longer. Hope this helps

 

[Anrish]

Thank you for your kind advices. I think I will give it a try to be honest about my problem with PTSD. I usually avoid to talk about it because I still want to seem like someone who has everything under control. I will see how the reactions will be.

One of them offered me to meet to go for a run. It might be easier for me instead of sitting in a café and ...not knowing what to talk about.

I didn't sleep well last night and I'm still trembling. On the one hand, I know that I'm independet and that I'm able to live alone...but on the other hand I want to break out of my self made prison and get in contact with people.