Could This Be Dissociation?

[annemariec78]

Dissociation is one of the symptoms that I just cannot figure out. I don't remember feeling out of my body during the abuse - although maybe I did. But something that I felt all day yesterday reminded me of how I felt during the abuse - like I felt nothing.

I was dealing w/ a couple of issues w/ my older daughter while I was at work. I should have felt something - anger, dissapointed, etc. But I felt flat. It was very scary. I felt this way until I got home and talked to her about her consequences. After this was over I started feeling the dreaded inner anxiety feeling that I always feel. Then after that I started feeling very sleepy. So sleepy that I couldn't keep my eyes open - I felt like I needed to close them. I laid down on the couch and sort of fell asleep for a few minutes - but not completely. Then I got up and was not sleepy anymore and the anxiety was gone.

Could I have been dissociating in order to handle the issues w/ my daughter w/out melting down? I'm going to ask my T about the sleepy feeling...I get that every once in awhile. I don't understand what it is. If anyone has any ideas or similar experiences - I would love to hear them.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Annemarie,

Yes, I have had similar situations where I literally do just go to bed and go to sleep. I can't stay awake and I know it is a self-protective mechanism. My brain, emotions or whatever else can't handle the stressor at that particular point in time, so I shut down.

Doesn't happen too often, but I don't think that is too unusual. It will be interesting to see the responses. I hadn't thought about it that way before. Not sure if it is "officially" dissociation, but it not always a convenient response.

Hope this helps.
Deb

 

[jka37]

If it's not dissociation, it's definitely a coping mechanism to not feel for a while.

When I was home for a few days last summer and my brother was screaming at me telling me that I've always played the victim and that he will only respect who he chooses to respect and all kinds of other things...well, I didn't feel anything then.

It is scary. Yes, you are so right...

Keep an eye on your emotions. Sometimes when that happens, the emotions will come up a little while later. Or much later.

 

[annemariec78]

Keep an eye on your emotions. Sometimes when that happens, the emotions will come up a little while later. Or much later.

This is exactly what happens - you are so right...all these years I thought that I handled stress so well, especially after my childhood.

Not true - I turn off my feelings to cope and get through things - but never realizing that I'm not feeling any emotions...then because I never go back to deal w/ my feelings about situations - one day I finally explode. Then I go back to "handling things" and the cycle repeats. Wow - I never realized this is what I've been doing.

jka37 - I'm so sorry your brother treated you this way....you absolutely deserve respect from him.

Deb - thank you...it helps to hear when someone experiences the same things. You described it perfectly - I mostly feel like my brain is shutting down.

<Edited - merged 3 consecutive posts.>

 

[jka37]

Thank you, annemarie.

I think the best way to combat these reactions is to keep your mind's eye watching those emotions, present or not...and when you've shut off for a while, make space afterward to feel and be intentional about giving yourself room to feel what you didn't earlier.

I think of it as running up really bad credit card debt, when we don't experience our emotions up front. We have to pay later...so try to pay as soon as possible so you don't get overwhelmed with interest.

What sadness we have all experienced.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I experience this too.

Sometimes I feel dazed before, I'm not sure if thats what you're describing as numb. But there are also times when I'm aware of my anxiety going extremely high, and that will subside into extreme sleepiness too.

I don't know much about dissociation though, I'm sorry.