Couldn't Give A... About My Appearance

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I have totally given up taking care of my appearance. I couldn't actually give a crap. I've stopped shaving (legs, armpits the whole shebang) I haven't plucked or waxed my eyebrows in ages. I even stopped brushing my hair I have dreadlocks now. I can sleep in clothes then get up and keep wearing them. I'm kinda disgusted with myself. Has anyone else experienced this or have I become a mutant? I seems to have crept up on me I used to always have make up on and iron my clothes I seem to have given up pride in my appearance piece by piece.

It's not like I want to look nice and want to change. I honestly couldn't give a f*ck that's the worry. I think I should care but I just don't. Maybe I'm looking into this a bit too much.

 

[Philippa]

Maybe it's not a bad thing?

Yeah, I went through that years ago. It was because I felt like I was ok the way I was without having to do all these things to impress everyone in the outside world, because I wasn't interested in impressing them...because I didn't like any of them, so why would i want to impress them. :D

But that's me. It also could be that you are depressed. They say grooming is the first thing to go when depression kicks in. For some people it can feel like freedom, for others it feels wrong.

I've gotten back in to dressing up and making more of an effort with my appearance, waxing legs again, plucking all the brow hairs and wearing nice clothes, and I feel great when I do...but I also notice that all the fake people around me start showing me approval, which isn't a good thing. :D

 

[shell]

Yes I went through this, I didn't want anyone to notice me, and I think in some way, it was my way of shutting out my husband. I felt rejected when he got depressed after the birth of my son, and I wanted him to go away and leave us alone, so I got depressed neglected myself, my health, my weight, my appearance although I was always clean.

At the time I really couldn't care what anyone thought, but then I realized I was getting negative attention as a result, and that made me feel visible, and that was even worse. For me it is defence mechanism, to keep myself from being noticed, to stop myself from feeling threatened. I am working on it, and have improved in some ways, others not so much.

 

[ElectricHelga]

Please remember you are not a bad person. I'm always up and down with that too. For me, it's depression. I have come to understand depression as a time of inner solitude. With that comes change in a healing direction. Much support to you :)

 

[NovemberStar]

I relate in that my house is usually pretty neat and tidy - but since I got sick with PTSD, it is a real tip. My dishes sit in the sink for several weeks at a time. I don't vacuum. Clothes all over the place. Piles of washing. I let the backyard become a forrest this past year - but now it is nearly winter again, it is all dying back. I pull the blinds shut and just don't care. I use the same dirty plates over and over again. I stay in my pi's for hours on end, not getting dressed unless I have to work.

It helps me feel 'safe' somehow. I also think it is an expression of how I feel - and it feels quite validating. Maybe it's the same for you - it expresses how you feel AND validates how you feel?

It is just for me, as no-one comes to my house anyway.

 

[PeeJay]

There was a time when I was that way and it rears it's ugly head every now and then too. I don't want to bathe, comb my hair, brush my teeth or nothing. You cannot give in to this depression girl. Make yourself clean up and put a little make-up on. It'll make you feel better. Start a journal and write down 3 things you are grateful for every day. That's two little things to do. Try it for a week and I bet you feel a little bit better.

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm struggling with this. I feel pretty gross lately. I've had a specific trigger come up and I'm just... not functioning.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

If it helps I actually want to grow my hair out so I can get dreadlocks ;)

More on topic however, I know what it's like to be unable to keep on top of basic things like self-grooming and for me I start blaming myself and thinking I'm lazy, but truthfully it's not that at all. I'm spending all of my energy on surviving and in the grand scheme of life and death appearance is unimportant, making sure I have the energy to cope until tomorrow and then the next day and so on until I've caught up and regained some energy is. Right now just focus on doing the minimum you have to, until you can do a little more. When (and only when) you have energy to do one or two things extra than the bear minimum, then start adding in a few grooming things that you want. For now screw what other people think!

 

[Philippa]

I relate in that my house is usually pretty neat and tidy - but since I got sick with PTSD, it is a real tip. My dishes sit in the sink for several weeks at a time. I don't vacuum. Clothes all over the place. Piles of washing.

This is the same for me. Exactly the same. I feel a certain sense of comfort and safety with a mess, but then I start noticing it and feel like it's a bit too much and I need to clean it all up, but don't. I've had a mountain of plastic containers from all the take away, because I've lost all motivation to cook good food for myself and spend so much money of take away these days...which really annoys me.

I use the same dirty plates over and over again. I stay in my pi's for hours on end, not getting dressed unless I have to work.

Yep, same exactly for me. I just finished using a dirty plate right before I read this. :D They stay on the counter for up to two weeks or more. That one I just used was about 4 days of crustiness, and I've used it at least 4-5 times in that time.

I've been wondering if I'm depressed again lately. I made the effort the other day at work and felt great, and have been doing a lot of work on gratitude lists and what I have, which has helped immensely.

It is just for me, as no-one comes to my house anyway.

Again, same. I did have a male friend over 2 weeks ago though, and managed to do some quick clean up, but he was a bit toasted when he got here anyway, so didn't really notice.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Thanks everyone! I'm not a mutant after all haha.

My partner doesn't understand it's what's getting me a bit wobbly. He's like do you think is fair for me to work all day and I come home to the house being a state and you still in bed. I tell him I'm trying he just totally doesn't get it. I told him there is no such thing as "fair" is it fair I was raped. I feel really bad cause he's well within his rights to be frustrated. It's sorta all on him my family don't know I have PTSD because of the inevitable why what trauma conversation I really don't/can't deal with it. @rightkindofme I can totally empathise hope you feel better soon. :)

 

[DharmaGirl]

I can empathize. I made myself take a shower since I have to go to therapy today. Have to "present well". I just couldn't care less about it either. I hope to work some stuff today in therapy so I feel better.

 

[Ed Norton]

My room looks like Yucca Flats after the blast!