Couples therapy

[Overcoming]

Alright guys. The last couple weeks have been hell. Caught my spouse "talking" to other people again. I won't air all the business, but it's happened more than a few times now and has escalated at times. That's just some background. I love him and am not going anywhere. This time I told him he had to see a T though, because there are deeper issues here if it has been continuous. I knew the T would want to see us together as some point, but hadn't considered that he'd want to see me apart from my husband. It's not outlandish and I get it. My trouble is that I have been triggered a lot lately. In nine days the man who raped me repeatedly 9 years ago will be released from prison. The nightmares are increasing, the anxiety and paranoia. The T knows that I went through it, not in detail though, because my husband shared it with him. I've never talked with a male T and I am anxious about it. I don't feel like anything is going to happen or something crazy, but perhaps I fear him invalidating my feelings/experience.
I've been a ball of anxiety and maybe there's nothing to it, but I feel nervous.

 

[watundah]

From what I have been told, it is best to have a different therapist than the one he is seeing. Triangulation throws things off balance and it eliminates any possible preconcieved ideas or bias his T may have formed. Many therapists refuse to do both solo and then couple counseling for that reason. You may want your own therapist to deal with the issues you list here. And you do have a right to insist upon you both seeing a female.

 

[Overcoming]

Thank you. You are right. I should have mentioned that I do see a T. A female who I really like, and have been seeing her to do biofeedback and EMDR. From what my husband said, the T wants "my side of the story." It sounds like we're going to war here, but it really isn't like that at all. I need to see my husband and marriage whole. I'm super nervous about the male T deal though. I suppose I didn't think he'd want to see me alone so I never considered it when helping my husband to locate him. :/