CPTSD passed on

Jewell

Bronze Member
Hello
I have only recently discovered I have complex PTSD having lived in a home with 2 alcoholic parents
I was “abandoned” when they were drinking and my emotional needs went unmet
I can live with this as I’m working through it with my therapist and reading Pete Walker’s book on CPTSD
But what I’m struggling with is the
disfunction and trauma dumping my ex husband and I brought to our
family…my ex also has Cptsd and he too is healing
Who’s not healing is my son that turned to heroin and overdosed at age 28…he passed in 2016…we tried SO hard to save him:rehabilitation therapy you name it
But we were treating the symptoms not the wound of his trauma

My daughter is in her thirties very successful doctor but struggling SO much emotionally from her CPTSD and said she finds family triggering ( I get that and I am working so hard to heal myself so I can have her in my life)

Wish I had known about CPTSD so many years ago

Now what ???
 
It’s not bad enough that I grew up in a home with 2 alcoholics
I only recently discovered that I have CPTSD ( it explains so much of my life behaviors and decisions)
I passed on this anxiety driven behavior to my children…didn’t realize it
My son turned to heroin and passed away in 2016 after 10 years of rehab etc
I’m heartbroken
My daughter is struggling and uses mushrooms for clarity ( she’s a doctor was always a perfectionist) again heartbreak as she says family triggers her

Has anyone recently connected the dots as I have and realized you brought this pain to your own children ????
 
I'm so sorry your son died. I can't imagine the pain that causes.

I'm blown away about your insight in yourself and your parenting. And, that's all you can do and I'm sure all your children would want: recognition and validation for what life was like for them. Your empathetic connection. That sounds incredibly healing.

I can't imagine if my parents ever said "I'm sorry" or did any form of reflection. I crave it. And I'm 45! So, to hear you do that: truly shows the love and care you have for your children.

I'm not a parent so can't answer your question. but just wanted to say, whatever happened in the past, your ability to join dots is massive.
 
hello jewell. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.
Has anyone recently connected the dots as I have and realized you brought this pain to your own children ????
my awareness of this phenom is not recent, but it remains quite painful to contemplate. my 44 year old crackhead is still alive and homeless, but he feels further from me than the **good son** who was killed in a traffic accident in 2019. raising **the good son's** 3 children certainly helps me feel closer to him. in my own case, i estranged myself from my birth family with an 1800 mile barrier between my children and the chaos i was raised with. i STILL managed to pass on the pain and heartache. i often experience panic attacks that raising my son's children (currently 10, 8 and 5) is naught but an opportunity to devastate yet another generation.

my own awareness of this vicious cycle grew out of alanon family groups. there, alcoholism is regarded as a family disease, as unavoidable as genetic disorders, such as huntington's disease or cystic fibrosis. maybe i'm just suffering another round of denial, but i believe that. just believing. don't accuse me of experting. so or no. . . welcome to the forum. gentle support while you sort your own case.
 
I'm so, so sorry that your son passed at such a young age.

Intergenerational trauma is very much a thing. My parents both had awful childhoods, their parents too. No one knew how to raise kids, they were busy just trying to survive and kids were a major inconvenience to that, with their needs and attachments, and you know, all that normal stuff!

My sibs are now no contact, I have been left with the 'scars', which brings it's own shame, but as the eldest I guess I was perhaps the most aware from early on, that taking of responsibility to be a parent to my parent...

I can agree more with what's already been said, awareness and the ability to understand how those experiences contributed to shape them is huge, huge work- and often takes people years. I hope you can be gentle with yourself for what a massive thing that is to be able to do for yourself and your family going forward
 
Thank you so much for
I'm so, so sorry that your son passed at such a young age.

Intergenerational trauma is very much a thing. My parents both had awful childhoods, their parents too. No one knew how to raise kids, they were busy just trying to survive and kids were a major inconvenience to that, with their needs and attachments, and you know, all that normal stuff!

My sibs are now no contact, I have been left with the 'scars', which brings it's own shame, but as the eldest I guess I was perhaps the most aware from early on, that taking of responsibility to be a parent to my parent...

I can agree more with what's already been said, awareness and the ability to understand how those experiences contributed to shape them is huge, huge work- and often takes people years. I hope you can be gentle with yourself for what a massive thing that is to be able to do for yourself and your family going forward
such a thoughtful response
Yes a gift I’m giving myself is the gift of recovery
So glad I found this group
I’m also in therapy in person
And I’m reading CPTSD books on audible
Complex PTSD by Pete Walker is excellent
Eye opening and life changing
 
Many blessings as you
hello jewell. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

my awareness of this phenom is not recent, but it remains quite painful to contemplate. my 44 year old crackhead is still alive and homeless, but he feels further from me than the **good son** who was killed in a traffic accident in 2019. raising **the good son's** 3 children certainly helps me feel closer to him. in my own case, i estranged myself from my birth family with an 1800 mile barrier between my children and the chaos i was raised with. i STILL managed to pass on the pain and heartache. i often experience panic attacks that raising my son's children (currently 10, 8 and 5) is naught but an opportunity to devastate yet another generation.

my own awareness of this vicious cycle grew out of alanon family groups. there, alcoholism is regarded as a family disease, as unavoidable as genetic disorders, such as huntington's disease or cystic fibrosis. maybe i'm just suffering another round of denial, but i believe that. just believing. don't accuse me of experting. so or no. . . welcome to the forum. gentle support while you sort your own case.
raise your son’s 3 children ( I’m so sorry for your loss it’s a pain like no other)
You have tools now and I hope you use them as you raise them and raise your inner child as well
 

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