Crazy Thoughts

[Muveki]

sometimes I wish I was sexually abused again and raped. At least someone would like me and my body.

 

[Dapezu]

Holy Macramonie!!!! I have had those thoughts too. How brave of you to share that. Your not alone. Not the part about wanting my body though...but for me it's s "i won't feel alone thing".

 

[Muveki]

Holy Macramonie!!!! I have had those thoughts too. How brave of you to share that. Your not alone. Not the part about w...

Yeah that's why I posted anonymously. Not sure how others would think. But I hate feeling alone, unwanted, unloved. As child I was loved a lot ...at least my body was.

 

[Weper]

I don't know what to say!

Why can't we feel normal love?

 

[Uvito]

I'm SO SORRY that you, and all others who may feel like this! I understand why it would feel necessary to post anonymously. I have a feeling that there are more who feel this way.

I do know that from my own experience of being a child who was molested, that it changes who we are, or who we "would have" been.

We ALL deserve to be loved for who we are, and for the love to NOT be based on being a sexual "object". There is SO MUCH MORE to being loved, wanted and feeling free to love and be loved.

I do hope that therapy, and/or other means of psychological support are available. You DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, LOVED, and WANTED! Learning to love yourself is important as well.

Blessing to you, and all who feel this way!

 

[Ija]

I recreate a shit ton of my trauma as to me that's feeling loved.

This takes the anonoymous out of it all but i dont much care about that. You dont have to post on the thread; I just wanted to post it for you to maybe not feel so alone with some of this that you are dealing with if you decided to browse it. I posted it specifically because i re-create my trauma but you'll see how people have a lot of the same wants and issues too.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/do-you-re-create-your-trauma.62533/

I should also say that re-creating trauma and having thoughts of being raped again to feel loved are related in my opinion. It feeling normal and feeling loved is why a lot of people re-create trauma.

Anyway, take a look at it if you want. Certianly dont post in it if you arent comfortable. I just wanted to post it to show you that you are no where alone in these thoughts. :hug:

 

[Muveki]

I recreate a shit ton of my trauma as to me that's feeling loved.

This takes the anonoymous out of it all but i dont much...

Thanks I browsed it-too ashamed to post. Even ashamed to say too much here anonymously

 

[Firujov]

That's ok, as long as you know you arent alone! :hug:

 

[Dobo]

Wish I could un-ring that bell and not see the results of that poll! At least there's only one vote for being predatory toward others.

 

[Ifukul]

Remember that not all can feel they can be open like that in a poll...and it doesnt sound like you are having "predatory" thoughts anyway (hurting someone else) but rather someone hurting you. And that is common and shown all over that poll.

If you feel comfortable enough here, where no one can see which member you are, what thoughts do you have that you'd classify preditory? Im wondering as i may relate.

 

[Unumo]

Definitely not alone, I think I have recreated sexual trauma, in one way or another, in every relationship I have had. And doing a great job now, we speak.
I guess the good part is it's only taking months to figure these things out, not years. That's progress right.

 

[Ubog]

Yep me too. The closest relationship I've had since then has been with a man who maybe took on the role of aggressor - but not in an aggressive way. He was as f*kd as me in a different way, and it was healing.
Something about having to try to be "normal" is the opposite of healing.
We are what we are, just wanting and hoping for understanding or even love.