Crazy Turn Of Events That Just Get Crazier. Blender Fight Turns Into 40 Stitches.

[Panda Bear]

Long story, and I'll try to make it easy to understand.

4wks ago, I got in a fight with a blender and lost. After a rough week of EMDR that left me crying and totally out of it, a few nights of nightmares and maybe a bit of checking out, I made a mistake and ended up with 40 stitches in palm of my hand. All beautifully crafted by a plastic surgeon.

While in the ER, I had a very difficult time and ended up becoming retraumatized. Since then, I've been a bit of a basket case. Crying, can't think, angry, shaking, just in a horrible fog. Panic, nightmares and such. So much that I've decided to use medication to help me sleep because it was getting beyond what I could tolerate(which is a lot).

Fast forward to this last week or so, and I've begun experiencing some of the worst dissisociation ever! I've lost days...whole days. I can't think, read, write(this post took two days), people talk to me and I can't hear them. No recall of events, I get lost in the house, wander, get angry, snap and act out. I'm really not safe to drive either. I can't remember how to do things like tie my shoes or dress my toddler. I forget to eat too.

I saw T on Tuesday and he became overly concerned. See, this whole injury was not once treated with ANY pain medication, not in the ER, and not after. I did not receive any pain help whatsoever, only the lidocaine to numb my hand. But for the 6hrs before and three different attempts to close my hand, no pain help was given.

Now, this is the crazy part....T thinks I need pain medication NOW even though my hand is not in abnormal pain right now. He thinks the event triggered an emotional response from my past trauma that I am no longer able to contain. He thinks the pain I experienced is now reminding me of significant internal pain from my past. This causing me to dissisociate so severely in order to protect myself from the emotional pain I can't seem to control. So T thinks I order for me to come back to reality, I need a low dose of pain meds to see if we can get my brain to switch gears and be okay again.

Now, I'm in a position, with Ts help to try and find a pain specialist that will prescribe me pain meds! When i haven't had a single pain pill this whole time. It's bonkers! But urgent according to T.

Sorry if this is disjointed, but I hope it makes sense.

 

[Friday]

Yep. I think your T is on the money. Pain is the absolute fastest way to bring on disassociation that I know of. (Or to snap out of it. But since you're already in severe pain and can't feel it? Are dissociative as hell? Pain clearly is pushing you out, instead of bringing you forward.)

Fair warning, taking pain meds will probably increase your pain level in your hand for a bit. Because relieving the pain assault, relieves the disassociation from the pain, so you're actually feeling it. (That goes away.) It may not. It may just be flooding relief, from something you can't quite explain, this sudden full body relaxation as you're no longer having to fight the pain via disassociation anymore. Like not even knowing there was a weight there, until it's taken away, or not realizing how sick you were until you get better.

Either way, I very much agree with his assessment.

It's also extremely useful medically. Bodies simply don't heal as fast as they should when they're in pain. Even if you can't feel it? Your body can. And it's a huge amount of stress.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Trust your therapist on this one. The fact that nothing was done proactively to suppress your pain(which must've been severe for something requiring 40 f*cking stitches!) is a thoughtless oversight. Time to calm your whole system. It will help you.

 

[Tinyflame]

I've had this too (more than once) with 45 stitches to the hand, dog bites.

PS, prayers/ hugs for your hand & you!! :hug: Xox.

 

[Panda Bear]

Do you realize how hard it is to convince someone to give you painkillers when you don't feel ANY pain???

Not to mention, almost 5wks after it happened. Then throw in the fact that I'm bat shit crazy?

 

[Sideways]

If someone had written this post as: "I'm standing here with my hand in a pot of boiling water and my T says maybe I should take my hand out and get it healing from the burns. But why would I, because for some reason I can 't feel a thing? What's the big deal if I can't actually feel it??...I am dissociating like crazy though, what's that about?"

Hand in a blender. 40 stitches. No pain or pain meds. But dissociating lots...Maybe this is crazy and controversial and I've totally missed something, but I'm gonna lay my money with your T and @FridayJones on this one:)

And maybe put the blender out of harms way for a while;)

 

[Panda Bear]

@Ragdoll Circus

The blender no longer lives in the house, and I seriously consider the use of any household appliances before using them. The whole thing was an accident, it did hurt......but in a way, it didn't hurt that bad. Psychologically? It hurt really bad.

 

[Friday]

Do you realize how hard it is to convince someone to give you painkillers when you don't feel ANY pai...

<chuckling> That would be why your T is offering to interface with you via a pain clinic, yes? So that he can attest to neurological issues in play, and that you're not drug seeking, but seriously working with professionals towards your best health.

 

[Panda Bear]

@FridayJones. Yes, T has written me a formal letter explaining his reasoning and stating other important information. I'm seeing my primary care physician tomorrow to ask her for either the pain meds or a referral to a pain specialist.

T is going to follow up with any provider/specialist questions and talk with them, and explain more information if needed.

He isn't leaving me to figure this out on my own...though I do need to be the one to ask for the help initially and follow through with either my pcp or a specialist. But he has told me what to do and written it all out for me.

 

[Panda Bear]

Well....the pain specialist I was referred to today....basically laughed. Good luck, canceled the appointment his staff made me. Based on letter from my LPC, he can't help me.

f*ck...

 

[ShodokanJenn]

As someone who is well familiar with receiving sutures, often 200 or more at a time, because of self injury, I can say I was never once prescribed pain medication. Not even when I slashed through a tendon and artery. It was just lidocaine which had to be diluted in half because of how much had to be numbed.

As a chronic pain patient coming out from 23 leg surgeries, who takes hydrocodone every day, I will say be careful. If you do find someone to prescribe something for you, you face possibly becoming addicted or dependent.

 

[Sideways]

I don't know what to say except that's f**ked up. Back to your LPC then??