Creating a New Life

[Cindy]

Over the past 20 years as I processed all the muck, the only thing that kept me in some kind of balance was "work - the job". My profession became my life in every aspect. It defined me, provided an escape, it has been a place of independent isolated events to my inner self.

For the past three years since my only daughter moved on to create her life and independence I have recognized how restrictive my life bubble is.

I need to create a life ! I'm not sure how to do that. As most of us do I isolate myself from the real world when not working. I've tried to extend myself outward but can not sustain it. I have created two new hobbies but they also do not push out my boundaries.

Has anyone else been at this place. How do you push the threshold - what are some easy steps to begin with that are sustainable?

 

[TLight]

Got me.....dangerous out there if you ask me. Sorry, not great feedback.

 

[Marlene]

Think about what you like to do or have always been interested in. Write things down...brainstorm about it. Then research if those things are available in your area. The internet is wonderful for that. Then start with one thing and see how it goes. You've got to push your limits to get out of your little world.

I do yoga twice a week and fence once a week. Part of it is to make myself leave the house and interact with people outside of my normal group (home and work). Now that my comfort levels have risen in these areas, I'm able to slowly work my way towards new things.

I suggest you start slow. If you try to jump into something or somethings too fast it will just be too much, too soon. There's nothing wrong with going slow with new things. Slow and steady wins the race...and all that.

Good luck and remember, it will probably trigger you for a while at first. Keep pushing yourself. It's the only way to make your small world bigger.

Lisa

 

[Irton Pike]

hobbies are good.

Heres mine:

Painting toy soldiers. Did it as a kid. Went back to it after car crash. Pure escapism. very nerdy. Don't care. Not very social.

Walking: miles and miles and miles over the hills of the peak district. Not massively social. Unless you talk to sheep. (I do. But only the pretty ones)

Running: miles and miles. Keep threatening to join running club to get a social aspect and a routine that i can stick to.


Archery: EVERYONE like to have a go with a bow and arrow. Really cool. very social with clubs etc.

My advice, get a hobby with a weekly meet. Gets you out and about makes you converse with others.

 

[midi]

Maybe find something you're interested in that you can go to, but it's not mandatory to attend. That way, if you freeze up at the last minute, you can skip that outing and everything will still be ok for you. I found getting involved in things with expectations that affect other people really stresses me out and ultimately disappoints them.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Cindy

My cure is my voulnteering with a local animal rescue group and sheltering orphan kittens in my home until they grow up. It is something that I can do or not do depending on where I am.

I am considering changing to sheltering new mother cats instead of orphans. The mother cats do all the hard work. They need a quiet place to raise their newborns and the noisy shelter is not a good place.

I'm sure your area has aninimal shelters>SPCA, etc. Just an idea. I know it gives me meaning and purpose.

 

[Cindy]

thank you for your responses

I will try to find a group of personal interest to join. Volunteering sounds good also. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Cindy

 

[Salu]

Aha, someone else trying that too, wish you the best with all my heart. :smile:

Take it slow, my first try at that was pretty much as bad as it could get for me. I kind of dealt with that and tried something else - piano. Its not particularly social, but I do get to meet my wonderful teacher and it does mean interaction with random people outside of my comfort zone. I´ve been playing now almost three years in total. My next step is local animal shelter, I plan visiting it next week with someone else I havnt seen in real life for a long time.

I would suggest something similar to you too - I personally think learning an instrument is a wonderful thing. Annoying in a way, because you would have to practice. But it won´t through you in a social situation beyond your current capability (please don´t be offended, I´m talking mostly about my own experience, I couldn´t have dealt with lots of people around me when I started, I would´ve froze )
And maybe take a course of something, a massage (classic Swedish massage is a very good place to start, it teaches the basics even though it might not sound as exciting as some of the other options) or something about nature, like taking a tour, there are hiking clubs, maybe visiting older interesting places around your home and taking guided tours.

Don´t get your expectations up! It´s the most important thing! Slowly, one tiny step at a time. Otherwise you might start lashing out on yourself and start blaming yourself because of something you do not deserve.

I personally think that there is nothing wrong with being the weird one, you don´t have to be eighty to have the right to be a bit eccentric.

So, long story short: pick something you think you would like to learn, go to class b u t do it for yourself, do it for the experience and you are bound to meet at least few nice people on the way. Good luck:Hug_emoticon:

 

[cragger65]

I agree with Irton Pike's suggestions of walking etc. For me, it is Jackson Park. As my sister says, "it's important just saying Hi to people every day". In a park you can give and get a friendly smile from someone and the overall benefits physically and mentally can't be beat if you suffer anxiety or restlessness. I started with 1/2 and am up to 2 1/2, three or four times a week.

All the best

 

[trial'n'error]

Hi Cindy,
I would advise looking at who you are/were before the career took precedence. For example I am a social worker, but before that I was an ace visual artist, who self sabotaged myself out of art school. To be a fuller and more complete individual, I once again took up the pen, pencils and oil paints and I'm still good at it. I'll bet if you look back there is something which once gave you joy and defined you before the illusion of satisfaction which comes with a job/career took over your life. You might find the most joy there, and if you do, you'll keep doing it.

 

[Mina]

Midi, that is SO true about finding something not mandatory. I hate making plans with people because I just don't know where I'm going to be at mentally that day. I occasionally go to yoga, which is a drop-in. That way I don't feel obligated to attend if I'm not feeling up to it. I'm thinking about trying the local running club, which is also drop-in.

For me, pushing my boundaries would be signing up for something with a set schedule and set activities/requirements. For example, perhaps a class at the local community college, which has some homework. Or a progressive athletics class, where I have to be there each week and practice inbetween. Pretty much anything involving a committment would be tough for me right now.

 

[redtriskell]

A New Life & How to Make It Yours!

Cindy- I was intrigued by your post because I am currently very actively pursuing a "new" self. I am having my name legally changed. I am changing careers- to the one I always wanted. I'm dying my hair to the color that fits who I REALLY am on the inside. I'm doing volunteer work for my local mental health organization, because it's important to give a hand back to the people who are where you used to be. I am actually practicing the many things I've been taught over the years. Now, let me be clear: this has not and will not change my history. Maybe, in time, it will help change my ptsd. The point is I decided who I wanted to be, and am doing all I can to bring those aspects forward. This is terrifying and thrilling at the same time- like the best carnival ride EVER. I have no idea, really, of the outcome; but I'll tell you this: I feel powerful and in control of my life in a way that I have never experienced as an adult. No one is telling me who to be- I'm choosing. With all the choices that were stolen from me when I was a little girl and teenager that I can never really have again, I am finding choice incredibly empowering. It's not easy. In fact, it's playing havoc with my symptoms right now. But I really believe that I CAN be the person I want to be. Ptsd be damned. They stole my life when I was young, my ptsd has allowed them to continue stealing my life for 20 years... I am refusing to let them have any more of my life. I don't care what I have to do or learn or overcome- I'm making a new life for myself. And I plan to enjoy the ever-livin' hell out of it. red