Crying Before Fully Awake

[falling_wave]

Does anyone struggle with crying almost while waking up in the morning before fully awake. I've had my bouts of depression lately and have been forcing myself to get out, meet new people, work on coping skills. During the day I struggle at times but I'm getting better at redirecting my thoughts or just what I am doing. Thankfully, my sleep has been improving too as a result. Something I have realized that I don't know how to work through is the crying in my sleep. Sometimes at night if I have nightmares I'll half wake up, cry for a bit, and fall back asleep but this is new. It's like as soon as my eyes open and I realize it's a new day tears just start coming. It's easy to just sob at this point and anything can add to it. I live with other people for now and even the fact that no one checks to see if I'm okay will keep me going for a while. Once I'm fully awake if I have the energy I will redirect myself but at that point I'm already so tired and I haven't even got out of bed yet. I need to find a way to start the days on a more positive note but this just seems to be out of my control.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Besides the obvious recommendations, I wish to offer a personal take. First oodles of love and compassion for this season that you are experiencing.:hug: Secondly, it has happened to me when I did not allow myself time to grieve and was processing some things in therapy concerning trauma events. However, when I shared it with my T, we discussed ways to allow the grief to have a voice, be gentle to it and nurture myself. Grieving is different than self-pity and massive depression. I am not trying to infer any value judgement. What I am asking is very, very gently (or at least trying to)...
~what needs to have a voice (((hugs)))?

I will listen if you wish to reflect and share...:hug:

 

[falling_wave]

@Recovery4Me, thank you for that. I can feel the support and I really appreciate it. I think it's that I feel like I'm losing so many people and am so alone in life now. I lost someone like sister to me a couple years ago to illness and recently a biological sister to suicide. The mom of the little girl who died and I were extremely close like family but it's been almost two years since we've talked because the grief makes her not want to. Through all of this I tried to reconnect with my biological mom and got hurt again. I realized that it's all the same and I need to accept that. Now my mother figure since 17 (I'm 25 now) has stopped even acknowledging that I exist without anything even happening and I've tried everything. I tried to get her coffee so we can talk which she did not want to do, texting her asking if I hurt her in any way which was ignored, and a long email. I acknowledged my weaknesses in it and desire to do right by her. I also shared with her what the silence does to me. She knows the email is there but claims she hasn't had time to read in over two weeks. I am just so sad. All I can remember is pain. I am working with my therapist on this and I am trying to work up the courage to leave which means I will be all alone. I know it's the right thing to do but I'm scared of not having anyone. In the past no matter how much I hurt I knew she was there. Now I'm hurting and all I can think is I really need a mom so grieving that in a way.

 

[Recovery4Me]

At the risk of jumping to conclusions... it does sound like you are grieving and with solid cause.:hug: So your tears in the morning are in mourning and I feel you in sympathy as well as empathy.:cry::hug:

What way might you give your inner child nurturing that is feeling abandoned (which is a normal response, btw) ? How could you self sooth in a healthy way to allow your grief to be cuddled just a tender moment? Might there be a little ritual or fun thing that you elect to allow yourself some closure for bittersweet memories of the love shared? What might you as an adult offer another in your position (as I have seen some very compassionate post by you to assist others)?

I am listening...if...you want to share...x:hug: to the inner child & Big Bear hugs to you with a hanky + a gallon of icecream (your favorite) and some chic flicks we can watch together in a virtual share.

 

[falling_wave]

Thank you so much! The closure part is hard. I'm not sure how I can get that or how I can move on without it. As far as self soothing taking a shower helps me and also drawing which I've been doing a lot of. If I can get myself out it does a lot to take a walk too. Responding to other people and helping them see hope and not feel alone makes a world of difference which is a lot of the reason I spend time here. It is healing to be there for other people and sometimes it's easier to have helpful answers when I'm giving it to others who I feel empathy for rather than myself and I end up learning from my own answers. Sometimes I just feel like I need to actually be around someone who wants to talk though. Do you have any ideas for how to get closure? I think I should focus on figuring that out now.

 

[Recovery4Me]

You are so wise in so many areas! Wonderful post, sincerely!

Closure is so personal and precious. For me, I did some of mine for my daughter in stages. In this manner, I learned to honor her memory without the jitters that it was a slamming the door -or- final goodbye. I began to attempt (without self flogging) to recall a little of my dream that evoked the morning tears. Because I began to allow acceptance that I was grieving, the experience changed a little. Sound bites or a quick flash of a part of the dream became my focus for the clues to the healing ritual of memory. That took interest (a positive emotion) and self discovery outside the box of the void feeling.

My ways to honor her became creative, allowing tears and healing. I looked up some cultural ways that they honored loss. So many ways in which to share with the spirits, angels or whatever you personally believe. I planted various plants, trees in parks (with permission), held candle vigils, blew bubbles from a jar over the mountains in YellowStone with a silent prayer for each one to be carried across the divide. I communed with the Moonlight and talked to her as I looked at the stars. These are 'some' of the ways, I found gave me peace.

What about you? (((hugs))) Think on it or answer if you feel led by your heart. Honoring those passed can be beautiful, rich and healing. Peace to your journey. XX

 

[Whirlwind]

It's like as soon as my eyes open and I realize it's a new day tears just start coming. It's easy to just sob at this point and anything can add to it. I live with other people for now and even the fact that no one checks to see if I'm okay will keep me going for a while. Once I'm fully awake if I have the energy I will redirect myself but at that point I'm already so tired and I haven't even got out of bed yet. I need to find a way to start the days on a more positive note but this just seems to be out of my control.

I went through this for awhile, it seemed to coincide with some pretty tough things in my life and I think I needed to literally grieve. You sound similar, I don't have any advice other than that it can and likely will pass. I felt mine was out of my control too and it disturbed me greatly, it felt bottomless as if I would get lost in it forever. But I didn't, not yet and I feel better these days, I can't explain properly but I think I needed to get this out of my system.

I will listen if you wish to reflect and share...:hug:

@Recovery......what a lovely thing to offer someone.

Best to both of you, take care, Whirlwind

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Whirlwind :hug: Thank you for the extra special share and gift of hope.

I am always amazed as to how many wonderful members have been a long standing part of this board. It is indeed an loving & beautiful community.
Nice to meet you & again gratitude for your encouragement to falling_wave as well as kindness to me.