Crying in therapy

[Copper Princess]

I have been struggling so bad lately with many things. I have always had a hard time crying in therapy and today I could not stop myself. My therapist cried too. She said she knew it was bad but did not realize how broken I really felt. I am upset with myself because although I am sure people will say it is ok to cry that is not how it has been with me. Even as a child I got whipped with a belt if my mom felt I was crying for no reason. As I got older I was punished by boyfriends if I cried and called names so crying is not something I can do without feeling like I have done something wrong. She told me several times that she appreciated me letting her in so can help me. I am better at crying alone but I appreciate her not spitting on me, hitting me, yelling at or anything like that.

 

[barefoot]

It sounds like your T was able to hold the space safely for you while you released some emotion...that sounds good to me and I am glad for you that you have had that experience with her.

 

[Rumors]

Wow... Very heavy stuff. I am glad you felt safe at the time to let it out. I am glad your t shared that space with you. Hang in there!

 

[watundah]

What you are doing is such difficult work and you are very brave. Learning that you have a right to cry is a huge step in healing. Take good care and know there are many kind and gentle people in the world.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

It took me over 3 years to eventually break in therapy. I too prefer to only cry in private and even then, not easily.

Looking back, breaking down in the safety of the office and with my therapist really strengthened the trust between us as his compassion and empathy was real and shared.

It's really good to be able to release and express your emotions and feel safe doing so. Perhaps this will be the beginning of a new and deeper level of trust and openness with your therapist. Sounds like she handled things very well.

 

[Iamsensative]

Its wonderful that you were able to let down your guard. Your therapist was there for you. Its a beautiful moment for you. Hang in!

 

[Joan]

Sorry that it is such a difficult time. I think though that crying in front of a safe person can help in re-training that it is not something to be reprimanded for. I hope that it can be a cathartic experience and help you and your therapist as you move forward. Take sweet care of yourself.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Copper Princess, I was also raised in a home where crying was unacceptable. When the tears finally came, I thought I was going to die from the grief that accompanied them. You have my sympathy.

Two years later, the tears still run like rivers. I can't control them. I'm finally getting over the shame of them, but after a lifetime of being told that they're proof of my weakness, it's not easy.

Cry, dear princess. Cry. Every tear you shed is one tiny step toward recovery.

 

[highwaybeauty]

Like you, I was beaten when I cried for no reason, I was often told 'stop crying, or I will give you something to cry about'. It is truly awful not to be able to express your emotions freely and it often results in us fearing our emotions. It sounds as though you and your therapist have a good relationship and you feel safe with her. It comes as a surprise when someone treats us with respect and compassion, so I am glad you have found that. Keep going :)

 

[Copper Princess]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I actually felt so bad about crying that I apologized to her. The guilt of showing my weakness was a lot on me. She told there was no need to apologize but it was so wrong. she tried to tell me that my pain is real and I in no way deserve to hurt like that. My emotions are just all over the place right now.

 

[Russell2017]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I actually felt so bad about crying that I apologized t...

I wish I had the capability to cry to let things out to someone but I am completly unable. You have a gift I wish I had. Dont look down on something that wonderful to have. It could give you a kind of healing many of us can't have.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

You know...speaking only for myself, I found once the door opened, emotions began to come. It wasn't a bad thing. I discovered there was a lot of mess bottled up.

Being able to finally release it definitely helped push me forward in healing. I'm still very reserved, but I'm not ashamed to cry in therapy or alone at home when I'm overwhelmed. Kind of like giving myself permission to cry.

For me, I needed that.

How are you doing now?