Cyberstalking Advice Needed

[persephone87]

I was in an abusive relationship which resulted in my ex partner stalking me once I had left. I have recently finished my psychology degree and am registered on a few sites for research jobs etc. One of these tells me when people search for me on google, I was registered before but after getting 4 emails saying someone from the country my ex lives in was searching for me by full name and the town I live in I closed it. After a few months I reopened it thinking he would have given up and I wanted to be on the site but since it uses your uni email its linked right to my name (theres no way of hiding it I looked into that already) I had an email this morning saying 7 more searches have been made for me.

Does anyone know if this counts as stalking or contact? I have a non molestation order in place but as he lives abroad I havent managed to have him arrested after his initial 2 direct forms of contact as he went away again. I have been broken up from him for 4 years and I still feel like I'm being stalked, he is the cause of my PTSD and I feel like I have a target on my back and I don't know what to do. The police weren't very helpful and I didn't want to talk to them before getting some advice if anyone has any.

Thanks :(

Persephone

 

[AngelaMarie]

Persephone,
Safe is NOT sorry. Even if you think it's only a "maybe" I would contact some law enforcement and tell them what is going on and get their advice. You can not be too safe. I would think it might help you feel a little better to know people are aware if he is trying to find you?? If it is PTSD or just a passing faze with him it pays to make sure you have backup if needed. The world is small these days, ya know?!

Did the person have any luck finding you? Do you know that? I will be watching to see how it's going with you.

(((hug)))

 

[Sandra]

Unfortunately that's where the law enforcement's hands are usually tied. As nobody knows who exactly is on the other side of the computer. But what I can't understand is why they can't ban that computer's ISP.

But yes contact them as they have some good pointers on what to do and what not to do.

 

[persephone87]

Thanks both for your responses. I guess yes Sandra they could maybe trace an IP address I never thought of that. Angela, he doesn't need to find me he knows exactly where I am I haven't moved since he was stalking me I can't afford to. I might ring the local police today I don't really want to though based on past experience with them.

I got some guts from somewhere and called a stalking hotline. In the uk if your looking for someone and it causes distress to that person it counts as stalking if you make them feel uneasy. The woman on the hotline advised me to call my local police and have it logged which I haven't done yet because in all honesty I'm scared they will be so unsupportive and it will just send me back. I also called the police of the country my ex is in, it took a while with the language barrier and things but basically I got through to someone who spoke english well enough to understand what I was saying and he said he would go to his house and tell him he's not allowed to contact me, if he continues he will get a fine, if he still continues he will get imprisonment.

The police sure enough emailled me back and said he wasn't home but he will try tomorrow so I sent him a bit of a history about the non molestation order and how it came about, how abusive my ex was and that I was terrified of him and I also included a screengrab from the log of him looking for me and said that while it doesn't show directly who it is I don't know anyone else in the country that it could be. That was last night so I haven't heard back yet but I'm terrified I've made a huge mistake, my ex used to blackmail me and I'm worried he will retaliate and I will end up regretting taking a stand against him. Also I'm worried what if it wasn't him, I mean I don't know anyone else well in the country I met a friend of his twice but other than that but I might just be antagonising him :( I wish it was all over and I could get on with my life.

 

[Srain]

Persephone,

I'm glad you are taking this seriously and contacted the police. I had a woman stalking me a few years ago, turned out that was her 'thing'. She ended up getting my phone number and calling me nonstop ...throughout the night, we blocked her number, then came the packages and letters. It was freaky so I contacted the authorities and it turned out this was mother of 3 had a history of stalking, I felt bad for her, but I was getting very concerned, she lived several states away and was starting to use my name :speechless:...I also contacted the States Attorney General's Office and had a restraining order put on her not email me..(I kept all the emails she had sent), call, or send anything.We changed our phone numbers, emails, everything we could. She stopped but every once in a while I get a weird call.

I'm just saying these things can escalate quickly and she was using different computers to do this along with throw away phones! It's easy to do so keep everything for evidence.There is a pattern and this is what the authorities saw.

take good ccare of yourself,
Peace,
Rain

 

[AngelaMarie]

I am glad you called. I am sorry you are feeling bad and under pressure. The bad thing is that it's popped up again after all these years.:( Hang in there!! I hope this thing just goes away soon for you. I truly wish you the best of luck!!!!

 

[persephone87]

Well the proverbial crap has hit the fan, my ex called my local police to say I was harassing him, cue them turning up at my door giving me a panic attack and telling me he was putting a complaint in against me :( they also have no record of the non-molestation order and even if it has been in place it has expired so he's free to contact as he wants.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Damn! How many miles between your countries?

They didn't believe you were harrasing him did they?

Do you have a copy of the order?!

I am thinking of you!!!

 

[persephone87]

He's about 1000 mile away, they said he's just doing tit for tat they didn't believe him, I thought I had a non-molestation order but apparently it was never taken out so all this time I thought I could have him arrested was false :(

 

[Froggie]

So sorry to hear another story on police bloopers. If you can keep an account of all those emails, that will be some proof for you. Sorry to hear about what is happening to you. You sure don't deserve that. Candle is lite for you too.

 

[Srain]

This makes me sick that the ex is pulling this kind of crap on you but now you know he is capable of ANYTHING. As Froggie said, keep records of all emails, any Voice Mails - save them, and contact a victim advocate group (they are aware of this type of behaviour) letting them know what is going on. Let someone in the system know this guy is doing this so that you are not on your own.

sending you peace and strength,
Rain

 

[persephone87]

Hi Srain, I know it makes me sick too. He's not directly contacting me just looking for me on google and one site I am on logs every time someone is directed via google and includes their country. I'm seeing a solicitor on wed. when the police came round I said can you do anything I just want it to stop and they werent really helpfl just shrugged and were eager to get out after telling me 'not to give him any ammunition' despite me saying about 5 times I've never contacted him in years its HIM. Hopefully the solicitor can help, I'm still waiting to hear from the danish police.

Thank you for your support so far, I'm feeling super vulnerable to know he can come back and I have no defence. I'm jumping at every noise I wouldn't shower yesterday in case he broke in I'm a mess again :(