Damned If I Do, Damned If I Dont

[11Degrees]

Another nearly sleepless night and I have to work today. I have no idea how I am going to get myself to go, let alone get through the day. Have been really stressed and exhausted for the last few weeks from flashbacks and missed to many days to be able to miss any more....no work = no money = can't pay the rent, which will have to be the motivator. I damage myself so much by going, but would be worse if I end up homeless. Talk about damned if you do, and damned if you dont!

 

[TLight]

I know. For so many years I was in this place. Exhaustion, endless insomnia, flashbacks, no sleep, triggered at work CONSTANTLY. I really damaged myself. I was just trying to do the right thing.

Finally, I had to apply for disability. It was a long, traumatizing battle and seems like it took two serious suicide attempts (not to say that's what you need to do by ANY means), but I am on it now.

I've attempted to work again, only to be bowled over by symptoms every time. I even tried volunteering and that didn't go so well.

My advice: start documenting your troubles with work with your docs. You deserve help. You deserve rest. You deserve a break from the constant stress in your body. It may not be so tough for you. Get a lawyer and go for it.

I know the feeling of fending off homelessness and having nowhere to turn.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wasted decades of life suffering because I was afraid people were going to think I was a loser, lazy, or a failure. I'm not. I have an illness. And so do you.

 

[Tosh]

If your not agianst meds, talk to your general practitioner about something to help you sleep. Mine just started me on something, and I slept so good last night! The best sleep I've had in years! No nightmares! yay! I know it's different for each person though. My g.p. told me that he thinks if I start sleeping better it will reduce alot of the other things I have going on like the depression/anxiety/ etc.. etc... I am willing to try anything at this point. Okay it's called Mirtazapine and he's having me take 15mg at night before bed. I believe it is an antidepressent.

I don't work right now, but I'm not on disability. I wonder how many people who have PTSD are on disability? I can't work because my symptoms are bad right now, but I want to get better. I'm going to college part time, in hopes that I will get better and have a successful job. I think we can still achieve many things even with PTSD. Therapy is key for me in dealing with my symptoms, but it dosen't make them go away. What I do take away from therapy is some great ways to cope and that helps me.

Well that is all I got, just my own experience, I am no expert but hope a couple friendly words and knowing that your not alone in this helps! Good luck to you!! Best Wishes!!

 

[11Degrees]

I know. For so many years I was in this place. Exhaustion, endless insomnia, flashbacks, no sleep, triggered at work CONSTANTLY. I really damaged myself. I was just trying to do the right thing.

Finally, I had to apply for disability. It was a long, traumatizing battle and seems like it took two serious suicide attempts (not to say that's what you need to do by ANY means), but I am on it now.

I've attempted to work again, only to be bowled over by symptoms every time. I even tried volunteering and that didn't go so well.

My advice: start documenting your troubles with work with your docs. You deserve help. You deserve rest. You deserve a break from the constant stress in your body. It may not be so tough for you. Get a lawyer and go for it.

I know the feeling of fending off homelessness and having nowhere to turn.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I wasted decades of life suffering because I was afraid people were going to think I was a loser, lazy, or a failure. I'm not. I have an illness. And so do you.

Thanks TLight - sorry that you and so many other have had such a hard time, but thanks for sharing your story - it helps knowing what others have done to manage and work on recovering.

 

[11Degrees]

Another day...have to go to work. Yesterday was horrible, just about everything set me off, can't believe the amount of energy it takes to stay calm(ish) and do my job, when all that I want to do is lash out, scream and leave! So tired from symptom management can't manage anything else to make myself feel better. It's like a never ending downward spiral.

 

[Vee Lagrome]

Are you currently in therapy? That would definitely help.

My last job was an absolute nightmare. I loved the work so much, but my supervisor was a bully. I was harassed so much on a daily basis that I developed pericarditis (and I'm not even going to touch the minefield of triggers it put me through, you know what I'm talking about). It was an absolute struggle to go to work everyday. It's just a bomb waiting to go off. Maybe your job has an Employee Assistance Program that could really help you manage your stress at work?

Also, in the meantime, I find that visualizing things when you feel especially crappy at/about work. Like, this comic from Toothpaste for Dinner: http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/092602/labor-theory.gif
It is my absolute favorite way to deal with a crappy day at work and really, it actually friggin makes you feel better when you're at work. :roflmao: