Relationship Dated Ex Fireman.. Need Advice :-(

[icaretoomuch87]

I met a PTSD sufferer about 2 months ago through my new job, as soon as we started talking we hit it off straight away. By the next day we went for a drink together after work and we talked for hours, he told me he had only come out of a relationship 1 month ago (this did concern me). We both found it crazy how well we got on. Every moment I spent with him I felt like the luckiest girl in the world!

We dated for 3 weeks but during these 3 weeks we spent A LOT of time together he would talk about future with me etc and he use to constantly tell me how amazing I was and didn't want this feeling to go, he said he was freaked out by how well we got on and it was like he had met his soul-mate.

At the back of his mind he was always concerned about us working together and whether that could effect us as there are only 4 of us in the office as its a small office! Very close!

Then one day after work he flipped he just told me he didn't want us to date any more he said things were moving far to fast and he didn't want anything from anyone! He said he didn't feel anything for me and with us working together as well it was too much! I was so upset as I truly thought I had finally met someone who was so perfect for me.

Two days after we met up again (his idea) we spent the night together and things went back to normal I didn't ask why I just went with it, the next 2 weeks is when he started to open up he explained when he was in the fire service he saw and dealt with some terrible things, and since September being out of the service he has been having lots of flashbacks and anxiety attacks! He doesn't know how to deal with it as its only started since February this year. He really opened up to me about a lot of it and he would have restless nights sleep and nightmares. This is when he told me he suffers with PTSD. I felt so sorry for him.

Then about 2 weeks ago he ended it all again and this time for good...saying its not what he wants, doesn't feel anything for me again and doesn't want this. So now we are just colleagues/friends but I'm finding it so hard I care about him so much and never thought I could feel for someone like I do for him in a short space of time! As I work with him too it's very hard to try to move on and get over it! He tells me it's easy for him because he is emotionally detached in life.

I found out recently he's took another girl on a date, this has hurt me a lot. But he tells me he doesn't want her or like her how he wanted and liked me its just something to do he says. I don't know what to do? Do I wait for him to want me again, can his feelings he had for me so strongly really be gone? or do I walk away and try to get over it all? I feel I want to help him though? I need advice please...much appreciated :(

 

[nursenurse]

You said it all ready. Too little time has passed since you met to make the foundations of a really great relationship, PTSD or not. and regardless, it is hard to let go. for now, you have to. Keep up with what you normally do. And remind yourself in any relationship that slow is the key. It is easy to be sucked in by aall the good that we see and that we want to see in anyone in the new throes of a relationship. The quirks don't come out until time, and lots of it, have passed. You only see the good in the beginning, because we are all on our best behaviour. We want that person to like us. That is normal.

He is dating other girls, deal breaker. Hurtful, yes, but be thankful you haven't let all this nonsense go on for a year before finding it out. PTSD is not responsible for his bad behaviour - which is dating and doing who knows what with another girl. I know it's hard. There are many out there guys worth their weight in gold, some with PTSD, but this relationship went too far too fast, and now you are paying the consequences. Keep up with your life before he came, be polite at work, but that's it. You will get over it in time.

 

[amethist]

Hi and welcome.

I feel you have to look at this from outside the box KyGirl. If he is doing this to you and then dating other girls, whether they mean any thing to him or not, is he really a man you can see a future with.

Take PTSD out of it and you have someone who really does not care about anyone but himself. Hard to hear, but that is what I see in all of this is definitely a deal breaker running off and then coming back, then running off again.

Go live your own life the way you want to not waiting for him to make his mind up about what he wants.

 

[KyGirl31]

Hmm well it wasnt me who posted the thread Amethist but it was great advice anyway!

 

[amethist]

LOL sorry kyGirl, just noticed it was you who "LIKED" the post not posted it.

Had a lot on my mind this last few days and not been really with it, can you tell. ;)

 

[KyGirl31]

Lol yeah that's okay but I was kinda confused for a second!! No worries:)