Relationship Dating Someone With Ptsd

[JJW]

I need some help a year ago I started dating an incredible woman who suffers from PTSD as her ex-husband was very abusive she is currently in therapy and medication for PTSD but about a month ago she began to have outbursts and recently broke up with me saying I deserve someone better than her and she needs sometime how can I show her that I support her and let her know try to let her know that I'm there for her. I have talked to her parents and I was told she did it because she doesn't want to put me through everything that she's going through

 

[shimmerz]

This is a typical thing that I do. I think it comes from the paradox of 'why would I bring someone I love onto a sinking ship with me?' Because in the times that it feels hopeless (for me), I see nothing but horrors and chaos for those around me.

I can only speak from my perspective, but this is an urge I feel often - to protect my loved ones. From me.

 

[eprogeny]

I need some help a year ago I started dating an incredible woman who suffers from PTSD as her ex-husband was...

Plain and simple - she's suffering from severe anxiety. She will make decisions, will have reactions, and will hold beliefs that have no basis in true Reason until her anxiety is relieved.

She sees breaking up as the kindest thing to do. Why? Because she's afraid of what she's going through and is afraid of you becoming collateral damage.

You can help by not dismissing her fear, and by reminding her that whatever may come neither of you can know the future - nor should you be making decisions for each other. It is your choice to stay or go - just as it is hers to break up or not.

But you cannot reason anxiety away. So have that convo when she's not directly in the middle of one of the worst moments.

She needs gentleness, reassurance, and to see that you're not being harmed by her.

 

[JJW]

This is a typical thing that I do. I think it comes from the paradox of 'why would I bring someone I l...

This is a typical thing that I do. I think it comes from the paradox of 'why would I bring someone I l...

How do I convince her otherwise.. I've tried telling her and I do get random texts yet from her but I do love her and want to let her know that I want to be there for her

 

[Fadeaway]

She needs consistency from you, but also room to sort things out herself. There is very little you can do besides being supportive.

 

[shimmerz]

My partner and another friend who helped me tremendously reminded me almost every second of every single day that I was always welcome. That if I ever needed to 'be somewhere' then to come to them. Eventually I trusted it. It was never forced, but always said with great conviction. I knew and know that they meant/mean it. The biggest gift I have ever gotten in my life, because quite honestly, I believe I am a horror to be around when I am messed up or triggered. They insisted otherwise.

 

[scout86]

How do I convince her otherwise..

You can't exactly do that. What you CAN convince her of, maybe, is that you're quite capable of taking care of yourself and making your own choices and that SHE is one of those.

 

[I'm not Spiderman]

Sounds like she's pushing you away. Was in a similar situation. i just didn't understand why this person would want to be with me when there were so many others out there who don't have to deal with the shit I do. It's like, "I hate dealing with myself, but I have no choice, why on earth would you want to?!"
Bottom line- someone treated her like she was worthless, and she probably believes it herself. You've described her as incredible. She probably doesn't see herself that way. Show her she is.

 

[JJW]

I appreciate the insight I ordered one of the recommended books and I'm going to try to let her know how incredible I think she is andim going to try to convince her that she doesn't have to go through it alone

 

[JJW]

I need some help a year ago I started dating an incredible woman who suffers from PTSD as her ex-husband was...

Correction she was the one who told me that she didn't want to put me through this

 

[eprogeny]

How do I convince her otherwise.. I've tried telling her and I do get random texts yet from her but I do lov...

You don't need to try to be there for her. Just be there.

As someone with PTSD I can tell you that having someone be there - who isn't there out of pity or obligation - is crucial. She isn't her PTSD, right? So be there as if she didn't have it, and be understanding when the PTSD spikes, but always only be there because you want to be.

Do that and neither of you will have to worry about why you're there.

 

[Tinyflame]

afraid of you becoming collateral damage.

It does happen. It's happened to us too.

I believe I am a horror to be around when I am messed up or triggered.

'We' can be.

"I hate dealing with myself, but I have no choice, why on earth would you want to?!"

Bottom line- someone treated her like she was worthless, and she probably believes it herself.

Yes to the above. Likely those are more than sufficient reasons to her.