So today was the first day of my bf leaving to his trip. So far it seems like he is having a great time, so I am happy about that. To be honest I wish he would go on trips more often. I know its hard to be only around me, especially when I get in my triggered states. He works so much and doesn't have time for himself, he spends his fun time with me and our dogs. I am constantly nagging him to go have some him time and go out.
It just sucks that I had to have such drastic triggers earlier this week. The truth is, I do not feel safe. I worked so hard to put up a front that I would be okay. Truth is I am terrified. But its not about me, he already sacrifices so much.
To make sure I can make the best of the situation, I made sure to plan things to keep me busy, garden, some deep cleaning, hiking/running. I did schedule a private kickboxing session, but it was canceled, Honestly, I feel scared to go on a hike. I am scared to go anywhere, I have enough groceries to last the weekend, but I would love to fill the fridge, I think I will wait a few more days to recover before I do anything big like going to the store for serious shopping. For now I will work on my courage for the hike. Its just going by myself makes me nervous but I do not feel like being around anyone right now.
Another fear I have been dealing with is, that the person I fear the most will do something to my bf while he's gone. I know It sounds very irrational and it is, but I do not know what extent someone like that would stoop to. It has just been a fear of mine. I just cannot wait till I see him again, and know he is safe.
It just sucks that I had to have such drastic triggers earlier this week. The truth is, I do not feel safe. I worked so hard to put up a front that I would be okay. Truth is I am terrified. But its not about me, he already sacrifices so much.
To make sure I can make the best of the situation, I made sure to plan things to keep me busy, garden, some deep cleaning, hiking/running. I did schedule a private kickboxing session, but it was canceled, Honestly, I feel scared to go on a hike. I am scared to go anywhere, I have enough groceries to last the weekend, but I would love to fill the fridge, I think I will wait a few more days to recover before I do anything big like going to the store for serious shopping. For now I will work on my courage for the hike. Its just going by myself makes me nervous but I do not feel like being around anyone right now.
Another fear I have been dealing with is, that the person I fear the most will do something to my bf while he's gone. I know It sounds very irrational and it is, but I do not know what extent someone like that would stoop to. It has just been a fear of mine. I just cannot wait till I see him again, and know he is safe.
