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Dealing with Anger after Childhood Sexual Abuse

When I was 9/10 I was sexually abused by a woman who lived in our house with her kids (they didn’t have a place to live in so my father was helping them out).
She sexually abused me and groomed for almost two years. I of course grew up with a lot of guilt, shame, sugar addiction, dissociation etc
But tonight for the first time ever (I am 35) I keep getting flashbacks. And I feel this IMMENSE rage inside me. I am usually a very empathetic person but I keep hoping that she dies in extremely miserable ways. I feel extreme rage because I know I will never see her again so I can punch her in the face or confront her.
How do you deal with so much anger? I don’t understand how I have been repressing this amount of anger. My jaw feels so tensed. I can picture myself walking in that room where she was grooming me and molesting me and grabbing her and punching her.
Obviously this much anger will not get me anywhere. I will never be able to let my anger out to her. But how do I manage it so I can move the hell on. It’s been such an exchuayainf journey carrying this all these years.
Thank you
 
In lots of ways, feeling anger is a good thing. It is feeling something, getting it out and processing it.
I never did, but when I asked something similar people on here said there are places where you can go and smash things. So would going somewhere where you can smash things help?
Going somewhere to shout and scream?
Do you have a therapist where you can let this out?

Anger is part of the grieving/healing process. It's entirely understandable to feel this intense rage.
 
In lots of ways, feeling anger is a good thing. It is feeling something, getting it out and processing it.
I never did, but when I asked something similar people on here said there are places where you can go and smash things. So would going somewhere where you can smash things help?
Going somewhere to shout and scream?
Do you have a therapist where you can let this out?

Anger is part of the grieving/healing process. It's entirely understandable to feel this intense rage.
That’s all I could think about. I just wanted to be somewhere I could scream. It’s insane how something so primal is considered inappropriate. I have to look into places like that. Usually this anger is so repressed so I hope I can tap into it when I actually go to a space like that.
 
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When I was 9/10 I was sexually abused by a woman who lived in our house with her kids (they didn’t have a place to live in so my father was helping them out).
She sexually abused me and groomed for almost two years. I of course grew up with a lot of guilt, shame, sugar addiction, dissociation etc
But tonight for the first time ever (I am 35) I keep getting flashbacks. And I feel this IMMENSE rage inside me. I am usually a very empathetic person but I keep hoping that she dies in extremely miserable ways. I feel extreme rage because I know I will never see her again so I can punch her in the face or confront her.
How do you deal with so much anger? I don’t understand how I have been repressing this amount of anger. My jaw feels so tensed. I can picture myself walking in that room where she was grooming me and molesting me and grabbing her and punching her.
Obviously this much anger will not get me anywhere. I will never be able to let my anger out to her. But how do I manage it so I can move the hell on. It’s been such an exchuayainf journey carrying this all these years.
Thank you
Like you, I was sexually abused and I've repeatedly dreamed of harming him and I used to experience nightmares, flashbacks, and was constantly triggered until I went to my psychologist and underwent emdr sessions (16). And, I am not a pcp/dr and I am not recommending emdr. I am only sharing that emdr was the only way for me to stop living in my nightmares every freaking night. I hope this helps.
 
After being in therapy a while and using emdr to help with flashbacks, nightmares … and all the cptsd symptoms i finally managed to start feeling anger towards my abuser ( hes in a different country now so i know it’s extremely unlikely i will see him - hes family and doesnt keep in touch with anyone anyway) . I felt i wanted to scream and punch walls ( which I sometimes did along with self harm) . My therapist who is a trauma specialist psychologist helped me aim the anger towards him and those that let me down - some of this was done via emdr, talk therapy and putting my anger on paper - i wrote a letter to him and adults that had let me down and i sent them to my therapist. When i felt able i then read them out loud to my therapist - I obviously knew that she wasnt him or the other adults but it really helped me get the anger out , i read the letter , shouted parts of it, cursed, cried throughout and she sat there focused in me and just let me release everything - the relief was immense and was a massive step forward in my healing journey.
So if you dont have a therapist consider it, or try writing to your abuser - you dont have to send the letter.
I wish you well on your journey.
 
Where do I start? I just found out that I have been angry to my whole in-law family. My husband tells me that I have been angry for a long time....I don't know what to do or where to start...even my marriage is on the line now. He is very upset at me too.
 
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