grammartart
New Here
I've been involved with a man in a long distance relationship for a year and a half. He was originally supposed to move to be with me in January. There were a series of set backs, but he eventually purchased a one way ticket for the beginning of May. About two weeks before the move, he had some kind of emotional break, and, well, he's not here. He didn't understand what was going on with him, but he just knew he wasn't going to be able to get on that plane.
To try to get a handle on things, he's started going to a counselor and a support group. In talking to the counselor, he's realized that he has PTSD. It explains a lot of his behaviors. The way he would distance himself emotionally after a very good visit. The way he would shut down when trying to communicate his feelings. He swears he loves me, and he tells me that he needs me. He says he is still going to move here, but he does not know when. He never rages or abuses me. He rarely expresses anger at all, which I think may be an issue in its own right.
In many ways I feel lucky because it could be so much worse. Even though he grows distant or detached, he never disappears. We talk everyday, even if only briefly. He doesn't talk to me about what is going on with him internally with any frequency, but he does talk about it, and he will answer questions if asked -- and if he has an answer. I just don't know how to deal with the uncertainty. Will he ever really move here? When will we be able to start a life together? We had so many plans and dreams for once he was here, but now it has all evaporated.
I know I should take solace in the good things that have happened and continue to happen. I know putting pressure on him isn't helpful and may be destructive. I honestly think being here would be good for him because he will have access to better healthcare for this and for some physical health issues, but he can't even think about moving, much less actually move. And I can't seem to stop thinking about it.
At this point, I have to wonder if I am doing more harm than good. I don't know how I can continue to make him a priority in my life if this relationship isn't even on his radar. Resentment and anger is growing in me because I just don't feel important to him at all. I want to be strong and be here for him, but my sadness is hurting him more. And somehow, despite talking to him daily, I feel like I'm giong through the end of our relationship alone. It is really strange.
I don't know exactly why I am writing this. I don't have any particular questions. I feel selfish. I feel abandoned. I feel grief. I feel powerlessness. I guess I just needed to get it out. I just want to stop feeling so alone and so damn guilty.
To try to get a handle on things, he's started going to a counselor and a support group. In talking to the counselor, he's realized that he has PTSD. It explains a lot of his behaviors. The way he would distance himself emotionally after a very good visit. The way he would shut down when trying to communicate his feelings. He swears he loves me, and he tells me that he needs me. He says he is still going to move here, but he does not know when. He never rages or abuses me. He rarely expresses anger at all, which I think may be an issue in its own right.
In many ways I feel lucky because it could be so much worse. Even though he grows distant or detached, he never disappears. We talk everyday, even if only briefly. He doesn't talk to me about what is going on with him internally with any frequency, but he does talk about it, and he will answer questions if asked -- and if he has an answer. I just don't know how to deal with the uncertainty. Will he ever really move here? When will we be able to start a life together? We had so many plans and dreams for once he was here, but now it has all evaporated.
I know I should take solace in the good things that have happened and continue to happen. I know putting pressure on him isn't helpful and may be destructive. I honestly think being here would be good for him because he will have access to better healthcare for this and for some physical health issues, but he can't even think about moving, much less actually move. And I can't seem to stop thinking about it.
At this point, I have to wonder if I am doing more harm than good. I don't know how I can continue to make him a priority in my life if this relationship isn't even on his radar. Resentment and anger is growing in me because I just don't feel important to him at all. I want to be strong and be here for him, but my sadness is hurting him more. And somehow, despite talking to him daily, I feel like I'm giong through the end of our relationship alone. It is really strange.
I don't know exactly why I am writing this. I don't have any particular questions. I feel selfish. I feel abandoned. I feel grief. I feel powerlessness. I guess I just needed to get it out. I just want to stop feeling so alone and so damn guilty.
