Hi everyone,
I have been searching the internet and reading stories of others going through similar things, in an attempt to figure myself out, and how to deal with what I am going through. You all have been helpful, thank you.
Let me explain,
I met my fiancé over Tinder, I was lonely, and she was there, we didn't see each other right away, but had great open conversation and eventually we met after a few days. I think it was our second date that she kissed me on the cheek, and by our 3rd and 4th dates I spent the weekend with her. In the evening of our 5th day together she broke down and told me she was raped once. I held her in my arms and comforted her the best I could, and told her how amazed I was at her strength.
Fast forward 1 year:
We've been living together happily when a coworker of hers started bothering her with sexual advances at a christmas party, I immediately told her to speak to the manager about it, and after a long argument she gave in and mentioned it, the manager however knew this man had been doing this to other women in the workplace and did nothing. Luckily with pushing we were able to minimize the contact with him at her work and he eventually was fired for lifting up a female coworkers shirt. During our argument I asked her to tell me about the rape. She told me she met a guy at the university bar and invited him to her dorm room the next evening, he brought vodka, and got her drunk and forced himself on her, he was wearing velcro'd pants and she remembers being pinned down and his teeth mashing into her face while he took her. She lost her virginity to him. I later found out, that in order to feel in control of the situation, she invited her rapest back to her apartment and greeted him with a housecoat on and nothing underneath, this time, she said: 'I consented'.
You can imagine my feelings...
She then described her time in the dorm room, getting drunk and passing out and feeling vaginally 'sore' in the mornings. On one occasion two boys brought her to their room and began taking their cloths, and I assume her cloths off as well - though she won't tell me the details, and her stories always seem to change- she doesn't remember what happened, but insists on running away back to her room, though again, feeling 'sore' in the morning... I feel sick...
She described another rape to me, she was in her old neighbourhood after her rapes, and times at university... she became severely sick, wit UTI's and eating disorders... she went out with her friends, and messaged a guy on tinder, he got her drunk and was throne out of the club, grabbing her and taking her outside. She felt free and drunk at the time, and then he grabbed her and brought her to an abandoned shack. He ripped her pants down, and she said 'this is too fast', and he took her from behind, and then punched her in the stomach multiple times, he then face f*cked her and left her there....
GOD i am so f*cking mad. She just told me this story in more detail a few days ago and I have been so angry at everything, and everyman she has met. I want to kill them all. I can't trust any man she is friends with.... There if a fire in me that I have not been able to calm. It is the fact that he used her in every way possible... my beautiful girl, the sweetest most gentle thing in the world, abused and throne away... this is killing me.
She obviously has a problem with alcohol and I know it. We've spoken about it multiple times, I asked her, pleaded with her to not drink when she goes out, and she has agreed. But, the other night after work she messaged me and said she was going out for a quick drink with her friend. At this point I was feeling comfortable with her having a little fun as she is suck a hard worker and has not been drinking and I didn't want to feel worried about her going out, i want to trust her and know she will be ok - even though inside I am terrified for her. After a few hours she started to text me a lot, and I asked her to come home, at first she agreed then refused - at this point I knew she was drunk and surrounded by men. I insisted and she agreed, 30minutes later when she was not home - i tried calming myself down, trying to convince myself that she was going to be ok. 5 minutes later i was on my way to the club. I found her on the rode intoxicated to the point where she could not walk in a straight line. She puked the night away...
I asked her how many drinks she had, and she said 3. I knew that was a lie but I wanted to trust her. I found out today that she was being fed shots by the manager at the bar.... 10minutes later I am sure it would have happened again... Or maybe it did happen. who knows. I just hope to god it didn't.
I am in grad school at the moment, and she is leaving me to go back home to her fathers for a month to see him... her drunken friends are there, and I am dreadfully afraid of what will happen. I've expressed my concerns to her, and she understands and is very sorry for lying to me about her drinking the other night. She turns in to a different person and just drinks alcohol like water.
I am doing my best to deal with all of these things going on, but I am not able to study and I am only thinking about what else has happened to her. I don't even know why I care what 'else' has happened, i will lover her no matter what has happened. I feel like it is self destructive to know that the love of my life has been f*cked while she was passed out multiple times by multiple people. It makes me really angry thinking and evening writing this.
I need advice: I don't want her to go by herself because i know she can't control her drinking, and I won't be there to save her. I know she will want to spend time with her friends, but her friends will want to party with her.
She works a a place were men constantly hit on her, and it makes me feel sick. I want to hurt those guys, but I am smart enough to never do that, but I just want to kill them all... Sometimes she accuses me of being jealous, but I have had many long term relationships, and I have never felt anything like this before, and have never been called jealous before. I feel that I am just protective, after all she means everything to me.
I have been searching the internet and reading stories of others going through similar things, in an attempt to figure myself out, and how to deal with what I am going through. You all have been helpful, thank you.
Let me explain,
I met my fiancé over Tinder, I was lonely, and she was there, we didn't see each other right away, but had great open conversation and eventually we met after a few days. I think it was our second date that she kissed me on the cheek, and by our 3rd and 4th dates I spent the weekend with her. In the evening of our 5th day together she broke down and told me she was raped once. I held her in my arms and comforted her the best I could, and told her how amazed I was at her strength.
Fast forward 1 year:
We've been living together happily when a coworker of hers started bothering her with sexual advances at a christmas party, I immediately told her to speak to the manager about it, and after a long argument she gave in and mentioned it, the manager however knew this man had been doing this to other women in the workplace and did nothing. Luckily with pushing we were able to minimize the contact with him at her work and he eventually was fired for lifting up a female coworkers shirt. During our argument I asked her to tell me about the rape. She told me she met a guy at the university bar and invited him to her dorm room the next evening, he brought vodka, and got her drunk and forced himself on her, he was wearing velcro'd pants and she remembers being pinned down and his teeth mashing into her face while he took her. She lost her virginity to him. I later found out, that in order to feel in control of the situation, she invited her rapest back to her apartment and greeted him with a housecoat on and nothing underneath, this time, she said: 'I consented'.
You can imagine my feelings...
She then described her time in the dorm room, getting drunk and passing out and feeling vaginally 'sore' in the mornings. On one occasion two boys brought her to their room and began taking their cloths, and I assume her cloths off as well - though she won't tell me the details, and her stories always seem to change- she doesn't remember what happened, but insists on running away back to her room, though again, feeling 'sore' in the morning... I feel sick...
She described another rape to me, she was in her old neighbourhood after her rapes, and times at university... she became severely sick, wit UTI's and eating disorders... she went out with her friends, and messaged a guy on tinder, he got her drunk and was throne out of the club, grabbing her and taking her outside. She felt free and drunk at the time, and then he grabbed her and brought her to an abandoned shack. He ripped her pants down, and she said 'this is too fast', and he took her from behind, and then punched her in the stomach multiple times, he then face f*cked her and left her there....
GOD i am so f*cking mad. She just told me this story in more detail a few days ago and I have been so angry at everything, and everyman she has met. I want to kill them all. I can't trust any man she is friends with.... There if a fire in me that I have not been able to calm. It is the fact that he used her in every way possible... my beautiful girl, the sweetest most gentle thing in the world, abused and throne away... this is killing me.
She obviously has a problem with alcohol and I know it. We've spoken about it multiple times, I asked her, pleaded with her to not drink when she goes out, and she has agreed. But, the other night after work she messaged me and said she was going out for a quick drink with her friend. At this point I was feeling comfortable with her having a little fun as she is suck a hard worker and has not been drinking and I didn't want to feel worried about her going out, i want to trust her and know she will be ok - even though inside I am terrified for her. After a few hours she started to text me a lot, and I asked her to come home, at first she agreed then refused - at this point I knew she was drunk and surrounded by men. I insisted and she agreed, 30minutes later when she was not home - i tried calming myself down, trying to convince myself that she was going to be ok. 5 minutes later i was on my way to the club. I found her on the rode intoxicated to the point where she could not walk in a straight line. She puked the night away...
I asked her how many drinks she had, and she said 3. I knew that was a lie but I wanted to trust her. I found out today that she was being fed shots by the manager at the bar.... 10minutes later I am sure it would have happened again... Or maybe it did happen. who knows. I just hope to god it didn't.
I am in grad school at the moment, and she is leaving me to go back home to her fathers for a month to see him... her drunken friends are there, and I am dreadfully afraid of what will happen. I've expressed my concerns to her, and she understands and is very sorry for lying to me about her drinking the other night. She turns in to a different person and just drinks alcohol like water.
I am doing my best to deal with all of these things going on, but I am not able to study and I am only thinking about what else has happened to her. I don't even know why I care what 'else' has happened, i will lover her no matter what has happened. I feel like it is self destructive to know that the love of my life has been f*cked while she was passed out multiple times by multiple people. It makes me really angry thinking and evening writing this.
I need advice: I don't want her to go by herself because i know she can't control her drinking, and I won't be there to save her. I know she will want to spend time with her friends, but her friends will want to party with her.
She works a a place were men constantly hit on her, and it makes me feel sick. I want to hurt those guys, but I am smart enough to never do that, but I just want to kill them all... Sometimes she accuses me of being jealous, but I have had many long term relationships, and I have never felt anything like this before, and have never been called jealous before. I feel that I am just protective, after all she means everything to me.
